Chapter Five
Ricky
“Mr. Burrows, can I get you a drink?”
“No, Bonnie. I’m fine, thank you.” As she began to step away, I asked, “But can you please get Mr. Stanton a Modelo?”
“Which Mr. Stanton?”
I chuckled at the obvious question, since there were four of them present. “Sorry. Cooper.”
“Of course.” Bonnie headed to the bar for the imported beer Cooper loved and then delivered it to him with a smile. He thanked her, immediately taking a long sip, seeming pleased she appeared to have read his mind.
I continued to watch him among his family while he sported a constant smile—one hand casually tucked into the front pocket of his navy linen shorts, the other gripping the bottle, all the while oblivious to Bonnie’s lingering stare. In fact, many of our female staff appreciated his height, his perfect physique, his sexy smile, proved by their longing glances whenever he’d pay even a moment’s attention to them.
Cooper Stanton appeared to play the role of casual, laid-back English lit professor without a care in the world. But those hazel eyes of his told an entirely different story. I rarely had been wrong about these things. Probably because it was the same story that once haunted me… kind of.
Like Cooper, I’d been in denial… but the difference was I’d recognized my true self as a teenager. It must have been exhausting living a lie well into his adult years. Constantly disillusioned by romance and what it was supposed to look like. Although I was young, I’d drunk the Kool-Aid. Thought that way was the only way, and because of it, I’d shamefully hidden my reality. And I’d hidden it pretty damn well until I’d met Corey Hamel during my freshman year at Indiana University.
At first, I believed we shared a great connection… a brother I never had. Our friendship was instant and consuming. He was there for me, and I was there for him.
It wasn’t until we decided to share an apartment sophomore year that my feelings toward Corey began to subtly shift. Even though we both grew up close to our college, we agreed living on campus would enhance our experience. Once roommates, I could no longer deny my attraction toward him. Knowing he didn’t feel the same hurt more than I had wanted to admit.
It was my damn fault, because Corey was straight. He proved that much by fucking a different girl every weekend. But whenever we were alone, his lingering stares mimicked mine. He seemed to enjoy walking around the apartment half-naked. His hand would linger on my shoulder. His eyes would focus on my mouth when I spoke. He also seemed to enjoy my reaction each time he crossed a line… the biggest one being when he kissed me.
Finally.
Corey even joined me when I went home for Thanksgiving. I’d never forget the swell of hope that had engulfed me when he accepted my invite. That weekend I envisioned Christmas, New Year’s, my birthday all celebrated with Corey at my side. I didn’t voice what Corey was to me, and my mother kept it very cool, treating him no differently than a buddy I’d grown up with. Nothing happened between us, and it appeared we were no more than friends. Still, having him in my home had been a monumental development in our relationship.
The following weekend, at a friend’s party, the first red flag appeared when Corey acted as if he barely knew me.
I understood. He wasn’t ready to come out. I had only done so to my mother a few years before, and that was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do. Funny, though, the more he hid it from the outside world, the more he seemed to submit to his desires when we were alone.
And then, a week after Thanksgiving, we turned a corner. Slowly, the kisses came more frequently, touches more daring. With each day that went by, the intimate moments we shared behind closed doors became more heated. Even though he still played an entirely different role outside our apartment door, inside we held nothing back.
He was my first everything, and I fell hard for Corey.
It saddened me that we had to hide our true selves. Still, I’d never been happier. For that blissful month we’d been intimate, I convinced myself that in time he would be ready to take our relationship out of the closet. He never said as much, but I knew he was falling just as hard as I had.
My euphoria was short lived when the shit hit the fan. An asshole who hated Corey, for whatever reason, suspected we were gay.
Corey denied it, called him and me a nasty epithet in front of a large crowd, and made the decision to move out. In the blink of an eye, I went from being his lover to a complete stranger.
He made sure to be seen with a different girl on his arm at every social event he attended during the days that led up to our Christmas break. He’d made sure I knew he wanted nothing to do with me and had broken my heart.
Deeply lost in those memories, I startled at the blast of the ship’s horn. Meanwhile, it silenced our guests before the excited chatter resumed, knowing we were on our way.
Party time.
As the gentle whirring of the engines kicking in cued our steel band to begin their calypso serenade, I proudly scanned the deck. If I had to pick the best part of our jobs, it was departing. That moment when our magnificent vessel slowly pulled away from port, guests smiling in anticipation, onlookers watching in awe and maybe even jealousy… simply the best.
Rebecca, Marco, and I had accomplished so much the past two years, and I pinched myself daily to be sure it wasn’t all a dream. Career-wise I had everything I wanted. If only my personal life would catch up, then I’d be truly content.
Referring to the clipboard in my hand one last time, everything was ready to go, every minute detail perfectly orchestrated for the next five days. Even the weather would cooperate at sea and when we’d be docked for two days in the Bahamas.
Usually our cruises went for seven, but the Stantons wanted to be back in five to continue their celebration on land.
This journey was important to Rebecca. As maid of honor, she wanted everything to be perfect for Sam and Lydia, and what Rebecca wanted I made sure she got. Our relationship was an unexpected surprise. Who could’ve suspected the instant bond we formed the day she walked into Sunset Cruises corporate headquarters to interview for Marco’s assistant cruise director position?
Even more surprising was their instalove story, one I pushed hard for. Beneath my sarcastic facade was a hopeless romantic, and if I couldn’t find that eternal love, at least my best friends had. Marco was family to me, and Rebecca has easily become the second-most-important female in my life… after my mother.
As Bella Viaggi continued to slowly pull away from the port, Rebecca’s eyes caught mine from across the deck. Her cheesy grin and cheesier thumbs-up forced a laugh. “Dork,” I mouthed to her, to which she shrugged.
And then, when I slid my attention to Cooper, I caught him staring at me. Our eyes met for a nanosecond before he cut his gaze away. I had no interest in pursuing another man who was deep in denial, but having gone through it myself, I knew he’d be so much happier if he just admitted to that part of himself.
I also had no interest in being with a bisexual. Cooper clearly enjoyed women, and that kind of history ran deep. It usually reared its head during a new relationship, when all the insecurities ran rampant. And if one came with so many confusing emotional ties shackled to it, it’d be doomed before it started.