I started to say that last sentence as a statement but then I raised my voice a little by the end of it to turn it into a question. I clamped my mouth shut, making myself quit talking, hoping that he couldn't hear me from over the phone as I tried to catch my breath.
"We did play some pool," James said. "But the fight had nothing to do with that."
I expected him to say something else—to go on to explain what the fight was about—but he didn't. He was just quiet on the other end as if he was waiting for me to respond. I was still regulating my breathing.
"What did the fight have to do with?" I asked, since that was the obvious question. He was quiet for long enough that I added, "Hello?"
"That's something you'll need to work out with him," James said.
"He said it was over you losing a game of pool," I said, trying to steady my voice. "He said you lost and you hit him."
"W-well, he lied," James said. He was reluctant yet matter-of-fact, and my heart pounded. It had already crossed my mind that Michael wasn't being honest with me. It seemed like there was foul play, and it broke my heart that I assumed Michael was the one who was at fault.
"What happened?" I asked.
"I think you need to work that out with your boyfriend," James said. "I apologize if what I did made you feel bad in any way, but I'm not sorry I did it. He deserved it, and you two have some things to work out."
"Why?" I asked.
"I'll leave it to him to tell you why."
"Could you please just tell me what happened?" I asked, feeling desperate.
I waited for his answer. My heart was pounding so rapidly that I could hear it in my ears.
"I don't know why you go out with that guy," James said. "Is it just because his family owns a restaurant? Because you could think of other stuff to do with your life."
"No. Why? Why would you think that?"
"Because he's not good enough for you," he said. "Not even close."
"What does this have to do with you guys fighting?" I asked.
"It's why we fought," James said.
"Because of what? Because of me?" I asked, trying to put the pieces together.
"I, uh, you can obviously do what you want to do, but I, I don't know how you've been with that guy for so long. I've only met you both a couple of times, but I can tell you're not… that you could do much better."
"Did he cheat on me or something?" I asked the question that had been on my mind. I said it like I was half-joking, but really, I wasn't.
"I should not be the one having this conversation with you," James said.
"Who better?" I asked, feeling mad. "Apparently, you know something bad enough to make you beat him up."
"I didn't beat him up," James said. "I wanted to, but I didn't."
"His face looked like a punching bag."
"I just hit him once, but he attacked me with an object after that, so I had to do it again. The second one was self-defense."
"Attacked you with an object? What? A pool stick?"
"No. A lamp."
"A lamp? Where?"
"In my living room."
"You were at your house?"
"Yes."
"I thought you were playing pool."
"We were. But I went home, and he stayed out. He had plans to spend the night with me since he didn't want to disturb Daniel and your dad at Daniel's place. He was making noise in my living room, and I went out there to find him in a situation… well, it was a situation that made me confront him. That's when we fought. I could have maybe managed to get out of it without hitting him. I could have told him to break it up and leave, but quite frankly, I wanted to punch him in the face. He deserved it."
"Break what up?"
Silence.
"James?"
"Don't make me spell it out for you, Laney. Just know that you need to work some things out with your boyfriend."
Tears filled my eyes and began running down my cheeks. I blinked the instant my eyes started stinging, and hot tears rolled down my cheeks. I knew what had happened. I could tell by the serious tone of regret in James's voice. It hurt so bad that I doubled over, tensing with the effort as I cried and tried to do it silently.
"Hello? Are you there?"
I took a deep breath, trying to prepare myself to answer.
"I'm here," I said, doing my best to sound normal, but failing. My voice squeaked and I whimpered, making it obvious that I was crying. I was humiliated. I had given so much to Michael. I had dated him for so long that I assumed we would get married and have a family and always be together. I trusted him, and it was utterly humiliating to have him go halfway across the United States to cheat on me with some stranger and get caught.
"Are you okay?" James asked. His deep voice came over the phone, startling me.
"Yes," I said. "No. But yes."
"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry to get involved, and I'm sorry you're hurt. I'm really sorry. But he's a bad boyfriend, Laney. He might not be a bad person technically, but he's bad to you. He's bad for you. You deserve someone who won't… I mean… unless you want someone who… "
"I don't want someone who'll cheat on me if that's what you're saying."
I had been crying, but I got myself together.
My thoughts were all over the place.
"And it's my fault," I said, out of nowhere. "Fool me once, shame on you."
"Is this not the first time he's done this?" James asked.
"No. It happened back when we'd only been together a year or so," I said.
"Why are you still with him?"
"Because there's such a thing as forgiveness. And Michael really changed after that. Losing me really got to him. When we first got together, I could feel him looking at other girls, but after all that happened with Bridgette, he changed. He was true to me after that. Romantic, even. Maybe it hadn't been so good recently, but for a while, it was great."
"I'm sorry," James said. "I see where this would come as a shock to you. I hate that. I'd like to say I was out of my head and didn't know what I was doing, but the truth is that I did. I knew you'd see he'd been in a fight. I guess I was trying to give you a message."
"Message received, loud and clear. I can't trust my boyfriend," I said, numbly.
"I'm so sorry," he said. "I'm sure there were better ways for you to find out."
"It's okay. Better now than later, I guess."
"I'm sorry," he repeated.
"Don't apologize."
"Are you going to stay with him?" James asked.
"No, why?"
"Because you said there was such a thing as forgiveness."
"Hmm," I made an unintelligible sound as I my thoughts got stuck in my head like a traffic jam. "No," I added after a few seconds.
"No, what?"
"No, I'm not staying with him. The last time this happened, I felt sad and I wanted to try to keep him, but this time…" I trailed off, not saying anything else.