"What's different this time?" James asked.
"Everything," I said. The word came out slowly, and we both paused afterward.
"Are you going to be okay?" he asked.
"I think so. I'm numb right now. But I do know it's different than the last time. I can feel that."
"How?" he asked. He wasn't trying to pry. I could tell he was just curious.
"I can just feel it. It's like my heart is already back in my chest."
"That fast?" he asked. "Just like that?"
"Well, it did get a pretty swift kick by Michael," I said, laughing and crying at the same time. I wiped my eyes.
"I'm really sorry," he repeated. He was sincere. I could hear it in his voice.
"I'm sorry, too," I said.
"You don't have anything to be sorry for," he said.
"I am sorry though," I said. "I'm sorry you had to get in on this drama. I wish my brother would have been the one who… no, I… I don't wish it was my brother. But I'm sorry it happened at all."
"I'm sorry it happened, too," James said.
"But really the only person who should be sorry isn't sorry at all," I added sardonically.
"I thought he would tell you what happened," James said.
"No." My mind was racing, and that was the one word that came out of my mouth.
"Are you going to be okay?" he asked.
"Eventually," I said. "I have a lot of terrible things to encounter before I get okay, but yeah, hopefully, eventually, I'll be okay."
"What terrible things?" James asked.
"Breaking up. Breaking up with him, and then, you know, my life just suddenly changing. Everything's got to change. I go to the restaurant and to his house all the time, sooo… " I was speaking numbly, and I hesitated and paused, but then I spoke again before he had the chance to. "But I'll be fine. Eventually."
"Yeah," he said. "You'll be fine. You'll get a… much… better man… than that." His words came out a little choppy, and I couldn't help but smile.
"Oh, you think?" I asked.
"I know," he said. "Anyone would be better than him, but you could get pretty much any guy you want… and one who would treat you a lot better."
"Like you?" I asked, joking.
"Yes," he said, completely serious.
Just then, my brother's office door opened, and Daniel peeked inside. He regarded me with a curious, cautious, big-brotherly expression.
I had been experiencing a wave of unexpected butterflies brought on by James's statement about treating me better. I was hurt and humiliated, and maybe it was the timing, but the caring male attention felt good to me. It felt so good that I panicked and hung up the phone. I didn't say goodbye to James or anything. I just reached out and hung up the phone, staring at my brother, smiling stiffly.
Chapter 4
"Who was that?" Daniel asked, staring down at me.
"No one."
"No one?" he asked.
My heart pounded. "James. It was James. We were done. I got off. He told me everything I needed to know."
"I can see that," Daniel said.
"How?" I asked.
He gestured to his own face. "You have… makeup going down."
"Oh, yeah. It was… I just got some bad news about Michael." I didn't mean to do it, but I cried from saying his name. I was angry and embarrassed, and my face just crumpled when I said it.
Daniel came around the desk immediately. He took me into his arms. "Gosh, Laney, I was worried it would be something like that."
"Did you know?" I asked.
"No. I would have hit him myself. But when Michael told me it was James who did it, I knew something was going on. I figured it wasn't James's fault."
"I did too, as odd as that sounds. It's pretty bad that we both assumed the worst of Michael."
"I never trusted him after that thing with Bridgette Miller," Daniel said, rubbing my back.
"I did," I said. "But at the same time, this isn't a total shock to me. I don't know how, but I feel like somewhere deep down, I expected this."
"You're not going to stay with him, are you?"
"No."
"Good. I know you don't want to hear this right now, but I'm happy you didn't marry him."
"I do want to hear that, actually," I said. "It's one of the only positive feelings I have right now."
And just then, cutting through the silence, the telephone rang. It was loud, and I wasn't expecting it, and I jumped.
"Oh, whoa, wow," I said.
I instinctually reached out and picked it up before my brother could, even though it was his house. I put the receiver to my ear, staring at my brother like I was sorry for my actions but I just couldn't control myself.
"I think it's for me…" I half-explained in a mumble before I spoke into the phone. "Hello?" I said quietly as I put the receiver to my ear.
"Hey, is this Laney?"
"Yes," I said, not looking at my brother.
"Oh, well, this is James."
I pressed the receiver to my ear, hoping my brother wasn't overhearing.
"I just wanted to make sure you were okay since you hung up. I didn't know if you were at your brother's, but it's the only number I had."
"Yeah, I'm here. Hang on one second, please."
I looked at my brother, putting the receiver in my lap, and muffling it in my shirt so that James couldn't hear me.
"It's your friend," I whispered to Daniel. "James. He's just telling me what happened with Michael. I'm fine, though. I'm going to talk to him for one minute. I'll finish this up and come back in there with y'all in a few minutes."
Daniel took in what I said and nodded a little as I was speaking. "Okay," he said. He shifted like he was about to walk out.
"Hey Daniel," I said stopping him. He glanced at me. "Don't tell Mom about Michael, please. Don't tell her yet. She's going to come rushing back here if you do. Just let me talk to her when I go out there."
"I wasn't going to say anything," Daniel said. He smiled regretfully at me. "I'm sorry about all this, Laney."
"I know. Thank you." I felt like I wanted to cry, but I blinked, holding it in. Daniel walked out and closed the door, and I put the phone to my ear.
"Hello?" I said.
"You hung up, so I just wanted to call and make sure you weren't offended by what I said."
"No, I wasn't. What was it? What'd you say?"
"That I could treat you better. I didn't mean to put you on the spot or anything. I was just saying you deserve more than that."
"Thank you," I said. "I didn't take it the wrong way. I knew you were just being nice."
"Ah, well, I wouldn't say I was… I was being nice, yes."
I smiled at how choppy and disjointed his sentence sounded. "I'm sorry for hanging up," I said. "My brother came in, and I got startled. I was sitting there with makeup running down my face, and he walked in, and all I could think to do was hang up."