What happened next is something of a blur, but it included Carlos and me fighting a few guys, Tony calling the police, Cynthia running to get the car, and us running out of the house, then jumping into the car and speeding off. Yeah, that about sums it up.
Lucky for us, we were gone before the police came.
I later heard the police had been receiving noise complaints and were more concerned about the party than about turning three teens of color into outlaws. (This doesn’t happen often.)
On the way home, we were all silent for a while. Partially because fighting a room full of young racists is tiring work, but mainly because it was such a traumatic experience.
After a while, our silence was cut through by the sound of Cynthia crying. Carlos asked her if she was okay.
What she said next sits with me constantly, and I hope that it sits with you as well.
She replied, “All we asked them to do was respect us. Why won’t they just respect us?”
Carlos didn’t reply. He pulled the car over and asked me if I would drive, then got in the back seat with Cynthia while she cried on his shoulder and we drove her home.
His father taught him well.
The reason I constantly think about what Cynthia said that night is because it constantly takes place. It’s not always as aggressive, disrespectful, or racist as what we dealt with that night, but it’s always wrong.
This is the issue of cultural appropriation.
From white women wearing their hair in box braids to non-Native Americans wearing stereotypical Native American attire on Halloween (or anytime), cultural appropriation is one of the most frequently disrespectful and racist occurrences in society.
My friend Daniela Alvarez is one of the proudest Mexican Americans I’ve ever met, so I wanted to pick her brain about the issues of cultural appropriation and representation.
DANIELA: I never really saw shows or movies or any type of media piece where someone looked like me or someone looked like my dad or any member of my family or whatever. It was extremely rare. Specifically for Mexican culture, there’s a lot of representation of the drug war and cartels, and that’s the representation we see of my culture. Having to see those things in the media and then people playing on them with racist costumes and tropes is hard.
Following that statement, Daniela and I spoke for a while about whether there were aspects of Mexican culture she wishes people understood beyond the stereotypes.
DANIELA: I think there’s a thin line between cultural exchange or appreciation and appropriation. Cinco de Mayo is a very good example. Please, I want you to patronize Mexican businesses. I want you to buy tacos for Taco Tuesday. No one’s saying you shouldn’t do that. But learn about my culture and don’t disrespect it in the process. You don’t need to wear sombreros or dress like you’re in a mariachi band to eat tacos or celebrate our Cinco de Mayo. My culture is not a costume.
While [appropriation] may not be the biggest problem we have, it definitely leads to more serious sentiments, like saying “build a wall,” like being anti-immigrant and being anti-Latina, anti-Black, all these things. The dehumanization with things like appropriation has historically always led to larger issues. This is one of the reasons it’s so important growing up to have friends and family of all types of ethnicities and races, because that is where you get the most perspective, from real-life relationships, real-life interactions. Respect often starts at interaction.
This lack of respect is what allowed the guys at that Halloween party to call two Latinxs “spics” while also wearing stereotypical Mexican attire, and also to claim the attire wasn’t racist.
Part of what makes cultural appropriation so problematic is that it ignores the need for understanding the actual history and people who own the culture. People can learn and appreciate, but unless they are from that group, they can never fully understand.
A case study of the harm cultural appropriation causes can be found in attitudes toward Black hair. Historically, for instance, braids have been worn by women of African descent for hair care and for the ease they bring in hotter climates.
Because box braids haven’t been a standard hairstyle for most white people, the style has often been considered unprofessional in the workforce and unacceptable in many other settings, forcing many Black women to change their hairstyles to meet these standards.
Over the years, many white women have adopted box braids as a hairstyle of choice, oftentimes making them not only acceptable in the workforce but also a staple of high fashion. Meanwhile, Black women wearing braids is still largely frowned upon (at best) or completely unacceptable (at worst), and when the style is praised on white women, Black women are often not given credit as the originators of the style.
Oh, remember earlier when I said that you didn’t have to search for “Hollaback Girl” by Gwen Stefani? I didn’t follow my own rules and went to search for the video. Guess what? There’s a ton of examples of appropriation in it. So now I’ve changed my mind: you should go take a look and see how many instances of cultural appropriation you can spot. (I noticed at least six.)
Hair, like other aspects of culture, is part of who we are, and who we are means something. Each one of us comes from our own rich culture of food, music, and clothing, and also of triumph and struggle. Often our cultures are difficult to explain, even for the people who belong to them.
What makes a culture special is that it’s not just yours; it belongs to a community of people. Your people—people who typically share an understanding of your culture and acknowledge not only the positive aspects of it but the negative, too.
Think about that the next time you’re planning your Halloween costume or doing just about anything else that could end up being problematic.
Still not sure you know the difference between “appropriation” and “appreciation”? Here are some questions to ask yourself that might shed light on the distinction:
Who is selling the thing I want to buy? Who gets paid if I buy it?
If the money isn’t going to the people whose culture is being represented, walk away.
Is the thing I want to wear used in specific ceremonies or rituals?
If so, say no!
Is the thing I want to wear or buy associated with negative cultural stereotypes?
Do your research!
Have people from within the community spoken out against white people wearing or buying the thing I want to wear or buy?
I repeat: Do your research!
If you’re reading this book because you truly want to be a better white person, then consider that sometimes that might mean deciding not to do or wear or say or buy something because there’s a chance doing so might hurt someone.
By the time I started college, I was focused on having people around me who were nothing like most of the people I went to high school with. I knew that I needed a break from all of the subtle (and not so subtle) racism. So I did what made the most sense to me and tried to make as many Black friends as possible.
I came to find over the years that just because someone is Black or a person of color doesn’t mean they actually “get it.” But we will discuss this more later.
It ended up not being very hard to find Black students who were tired of racism and wanted to be around other Black people.