I began to walk closer to the officer, trying to further explain myself. “Officer, if you go and ask—”
Before I could finish, the officer had his hand on his gun holster.
“I suggest you back the f*ck up!” the officer yelled while both he and his partner gripped their gun holsters as if ready to shoot me at any second.
Before I could say anything or process the moment, Cory tapped me and whispered, “Chill. Move back.”
“I’m moving back to the space I was in, and my hands are up!” I said loudly so the officers and everyone around us could hear me as I slowly stepped back.
This was something that my mother taught me to do in case I was ever in a situation with a police officer like this. Something that many Black parents have taught their children during what’s often known as “the talk.” Something that doesn’t always work but is an attempt to save our lives.
I stood there, shaking, trying to process what had just happened.
“Get out of here. Go home. Stay out of trouble,” one of the officers said as they took their hands off their holsters.
As we walked away from the venue, we heard the officers say, “You two, get on back in there.” They were speaking to Tweedledee and Tweedledum.
We also heard one of the campus security guards tell the officers that we actually attended the school and the two white guys weren’t students, but the officers ignored him.
Kenneth tried to walk in with them, but the officers stopped him and said he needed to go back home. He told them he was with the two white guys, but Tweedledee and Tweedledum just looked at him and then went in.
It’s always funny to me how that worked out for him. That’s what he gets for thinking white people who say the n-word were going to defend or protect him.
As I walked away, I could only think about how unfair the moment was.
This might have been my first time fully understanding just how powerful white privilege could be and the power white people hold within the justice system.
I thought I understood. But you can never fully understand until you’re in it.
I had dealt with a lot of racism in my life up to that moment, but most encounters were based in microaggressions—inherently racist or problematic things that white people had done that disrespected me but that I knew they didn’t realize.
There was nothing not to realize in that moment. From touching a Black woman’s hair to calling me the n-word, Tweedledee and Tweedledum’s racism had been obvious. But it didn’t matter.
In the eyes of the police, my friends and I (and Kenneth, too) were just a bunch of Black kids starting trouble, regardless of what had actually happened.
That night sat with me for a long time, and still does. By that point in my life, I had read countless books, watched tons of documentaries, and spent hours having important conversations about race dynamics in America, but I still wasn’t prepared. You never are.
But the worst thing about what had happened was that I was lucky. I could have lost my life because two white guys decided to be racist asses. This is America.
There are lines that you should never cross with people from various communities, especially people of color—words you should never say, ways you should never interact.
It’s a nonnegotiable understanding for many, but there are countless moments like that night at the concert, when lines aren’t just crossed; they are completely ignored and disrespected. Moments when many white people simply get to do whatever they want.
JOEL: I didn’t deal with white people until high school. And granted, the white people I dealt with were, like, in [positions of] power. Like, it was only police officers and teachers. You know? The only other white person in the world, who I never met, though, was my mom’s co-worker, Miss Helen. And Miss Helen used to give my mom hand-me-downs. You know? I wouldn’t even have to go school-year shopping, because I was just wearing the clothes that her older son just stopped wearing. That’s all I knew of them.
This is an important point. There are many white people who live within bubbles where they don’t get to interact with people of color, which we talked about earlier, but the same is sometimes true for people of color. This lack of interaction can build preconceived notions about groups of people you rarely or never deal with, from both sides. The difference is that, as Joel said, there are often power dynamics involved.
For many white people, their views of a person of color may be based on what they’ve seen on a show, or in a movie, or on the news, as we’ve discussed. But for some people of color, our first and only interactions with white people are with people in power, such as educators and law enforcement.
JOEL: I think I wasn’t in the position where I really, fully understood racial dynamics until high school, when I made some white friends. Like, there are things that I’m not allowed to do because of my skin. I remember, prime example, we went to Jennifer Convertibles, just to chill.
They were sitting on the couches, and drinking soda. And I didn’t do any of that. Because I was just, like, “What are they doing?” Who goes into any space and just sits on the furniture? You’re not worried about staining it? I remember we left, and then we went to Central Park. And they took their shoes off, and they just started jumping in the water. And I can look back at that moment now and think about how carefree they were. And how much freedom they felt like they had. That they didn’t even have to think about the consequences and repercussions of doing something that could be considered illegal, or could get them in trouble. They weren’t thinking about that.
For those of you who aren’t aware, Jennifer Convertibles is a furniture store. People go there to buy couches, not hang out. I really should have asked Joel why he and his friends were chilling in a Jennifer Convertibles. Anyway . . .
As with my story at the concert, many white people don’t have to think about the repercussions of their actions in the same way that people of color do, or sometimes at all. This is the very definition of white privilege. At best, this privilege makes them feel free to do what others can’t do and, at worst, to do things that disrespect or oppress others.
As was the case with Tweedledee and Tweedledum.
JOEL: Our experience with white power structures and white power dynamics and supremacy is very different [from white people’s experience with those things]. Because we have to question everything before we do it; we’ve had to study white people forever. The reason we know them so well is because we had to. It was part of our survival. Whereas they don’t have to know us or respect us.
He was right. Having the ability to survive without having to know or develop a level of respect for groups of people is part of the legacy of American racism and white privilege.
This is the same racism and white privilege that allow young white men to disrespect young Black people, yet the police are ready to kill the young Black man for standing up for himself.
This is probably part of the reason someone like Kenneth thought that he needed to let white people act a certain way around him. Because otherwise, he might not have had any friends where he was from.
Maybe Kenneth wasn’t much different from me during my Carlton phase. We may have both been survivors trying to get by, and that meant lessening ourselves for the white people around us. Two people, damaged by the same system.