I ground my teeth. “Yeah, I remember him.”
“He’s the one following in my father’s footsteps. Because he was born a boy.”
“But did you ever want to do what your father does?” I asked, wondering why we’d never talked about this before.
“No, I didn’t.” She laughed.
“You don’t regret the fact that your father never groomed you for that?”
“They told me what degree to get so I could better help with the charities my mother ran. So I could take her place. It’s a hard business, one that doesn’t pay, but it’s good work, even if it’s mostly about trying to elevate your social standing.”
“That’s a whole world that I have nothing to do with,” I said.
“And I loved that you didn’t.” She bit her lip.
“I always felt like I wasn’t good enough for you because I wasn’t from those circles.”
“That was never the case, Nathan.”
“But it’s what I felt. And I didn’t talk to you about it because I didn’t want to make things weird or hard for you. And that’s on me.”
“I want you to know that I didn’t fall for you because you weren’t part of that set. You know? The girl who falls for the bad boy so she doesn’t have to worry about her past?”
That made me snort.
“We are not that couple. We never were. We fell for the people we thought each other was, not the people we thought we were running from.”
“I’d almost forgotten how many times you used to see to the crux of the matter. You were always so brilliant.”
“Were?” I asked, raising a brow.
Myra rolled her eyes. “I’m sure you still think you’re brilliant.”
I put my hand over my heart. “Ouch.” I let out a breath. “I don’t know how you’re ever going to forgive me, or if I even want your forgiveness. Because I don’t deserve it.”
“You don’t need to beat yourself up over it anymore,” Myra said, setting her coffee cup on the counter before pacing the kitchen. “That’s what my parents want. They want us to hate each other. They want me to be put in my place. Even if they’ve pushed me completely out of the family as much as they can, they still want me for certain things. And you being out of my life is probably part of that. Even if it’s deep down.”
I frowned. “I’m going to ask something, and I don’t want you to get angry.”
She froze, her brow rising. “I can’t promise that. Especially when you add a disclaimer.”
“Fine. Did you sleep with me to make your parents angry?” I asked and then groaned.
“Nathan Brady. Seriously?”
“See? It was the stupidest thought. I don’t even know why I said it.”
“No, I didn’t. And I don’t know why I slept with you, which sounds stupid. We had sex. As we were fighting, and sort of figuring out what the hell we were doing, we had sex in your living room or reading room or whatever the hell you want to call it. Against the wall. Without a condom. That was so stupid, Nate. Not only because of the lack of protection, but because of everything else.”
“I know.” I ran my hands over my hair. “I have done many stupid things in my life, Myra. Most of them having to do with you.”
“Ouch,” she said, the look in her eyes teasing.
“You know what I mean.”
“Oddly enough, I do,” she said, picking up her coffee again.
“I took so long to figure out who I was. Somewhere along the way, I lost you. And I will forever be sorry for that. But, here we are. We are so connected, and we can’t change that. Now, we have to figure out how to coexist in this world we created.”
“We shouldn’t have sex again.”
Nate winced. “If you’re going to put it out there like that.”
“Nathan,” she said with a laugh.
I sobered. “I missed you calling me that.”
“You’re not the boy I used to call Nathan.”
“And you’re not the girl I married.” I paused. “And that’s good. We grew apart, yes. But we’re different people now. And given that we know the truth, and everybody knows about our past, I think we should find a way to live with that.”
“That’s what I was thinking,” she agreed. “We need to start over. Have a clean slate where we don’t antagonize one another when we’re in the same room. We’ll figure out exactly who we are to each other within the boundaries we’ve already set in terms of our friendship. We can’t take back what was done, but maybe we can move forward, maturely and responsibly.”
I studied her face and knew she had rehearsed those words.
And thank God for it because I had no idea what to say. “Mature and responsible.”
“Since we are older, we should try that.”
I swallowed hard. “I can do that. I don’t want to be the angry person I was becoming around you. And I don’t want to lament our mistakes. Plus, I don’t want you to leave my life. Even when we hated each other, I liked having you there. Even as it was bad for me.”
“That’s the most twisted thing you’ve ever said,” she said on a laugh. “But the weird thing is, I agree.”
“I’m going to spend the time that we have, making up for what happened,” I added.
She shook her head. “You don’t have to, Nathan.”
I moved forward and touched her face. Her lips parted, and all I wanted to do was lean down and kiss her. But I didn’t.
“I have to. Even if it’s selfish of me, I need to make it up to you.”
“I don’t know if that makes sense.”
I shook my head. “Nothing about this makes sense. But we’re going to move forward and start fresh. And that means I need to be able to look at myself in the mirror and not remember every horrible thing I did.”
“We’ll figure out who we are and what we are together. And we won’t hate each other anymore.”
I didn’t move closer to press my lips to hers, to taste her, so I pulled away and put my hands into my pockets.
“We’ll start over.”
She held out her hand, and I laughed before sliding my hand into hers.
A handshake to start a friendship.
And yet I knew that wasn’t truly the case. Because we had done far more than hold hands or shake. Eventually, we would have to talk about that. But first, I would hold her hand. The rest would have to come along the way.
Chapter 12
Myra
“We are here today to discuss a matter of great importance.”
Dakota snickered at my side, and I glared at her before doing the same to Paris.
“Are you giving a sermon now?” I asked, adopting my most haughty tone.
“Only for you, darling.” Paris winked.
“If you’re done making fun of her,” Dakota began, “we have a few things to go over.”
“Mainly, let’s talk about you and Nate.” Hazel gave me a pointed look, and I sighed, knowing they had all come over to my place for a reason. Not because of the pact, or because of a promise, but because of what was inherent in who we were.