“Jacob,” I say his name and shiver.
“Hmm?”
“You’re kissing my neck.”
The deep rumble sounds like a yes, and he keeps moving, his lips touching the skin there while his arms hold me to him.
He lifts his mouth just long enough. “Tell me to stop, Brenna.”
I should. God, I know I should, but I just don’t want to.
“I can’t.”
Jacob’s nose moves against my skin back up to my ear. “Can’t or don’t want me to?”
I lean back, warmth flooding my veins. “Does it matter?”
“Yes. It matters.”
My head is swimming, and I pull my wrist free, sliding it up behind me to wrap around his neck. “I don’t want you to stop.”
He brings his hand up my back, holding me while I hold him. “I couldn’t sleep,” he confesses. “I couldn’t think of anything other than that kiss.” Breathing is so hard right now. I can’t think with his lips touching the sensitive skin behind my ear. “I want to kiss you.”
“Me too.”
He takes the pole from my other hand and throws it to the ground. Before I can register what he’s doing, I’m turned around and in his arms.
Jacob takes a beat. I see the reluctance in his eyes. This time, it won’t be a surprise or a spur-of-the-moment thing. This kiss will be purposeful, and I am ready for it.
“Kiss me, Jacob.”
His hands cup my cheeks, and he moves slowly. Each second that passes has the anticipation growing. There’s something inside me that knows this kiss will change me forever. We are crossing a line, changing the definitions of our relationship, and I’m giving up any pretenses that I don’t want him.
I want everything of his.
My eyes flutter closed, and then the pressure is there. It isn’t rough or eager, it’s a slow and sweet kiss. One that shows he’s considerate of more than just his want.
He tilts our heads, deepening the kiss, and my arms slide around his middle and then up his back. I hold tight, not wanting any distance between us. His tongue slides against mine in a dance that I didn’t think I could learn the steps to, but Jacob leads me.
The worries I had about feeling guilt aren’t here. Instead, it’s acceptance and peace that settles around me.
This thing between us will never be more than a small sliver of time.
We’ll never love, and we’ll never have a future, but we can have now.
I can have him.
For whatever time we’re allowed, I can let myself become whoever I want, and I’ll figure the rest out later.
He pulls back, kissing me softly once more. “And that should’ve been our first kiss.”
“What’s the saying? First is the worst, second is the best?” I tease.
“And what about the third?”
I lift up on my toes. “Third is where we kiss like grown-ups who are out without anyone in the world knowing.”
“What does that mean?”
I gather every bit of courage I possess and lay it all out there. “It means I want more, Jacob. I want whatever we have. No promises. No questions.”
His green eyes stare into mine, searching for something. “I respect you too much to use you.”
“Is it using if I’m asking?”
“You understand what you’re asking for?”
I nod.
“I need you to say it, Brenna. I need to know that you’re going to be okay when I have to leave. I care about you and the kids. I don’t want anyone . . .”
I bring my mouth to his, silencing whatever crap he was going to say. I’m very aware of what this will and won’t be. There’re just zero fucks left in me to care. The rational woman inside me knows that I’ll end up crushed in a few months, but I’ve listened to her for too long.
He kisses me deeper, the passion between us is a hundred times stronger than it had been last night. This is all-consuming, and I’m on fire.
It’s incredible kissing him. As though, if his lips were to break from mine, I might not survive it. I shove back the feelings that threaten to destroy the serenity I’m enjoying. Moving on isn’t easy, but it sure feels good. It’s new and my heart isn’t separating in two, it’s just growing to make room for this—for him.
He breaks the kiss but moves his lips down my neck and then back up to my ear. “I want you.”
“You have no idea how much I want you.”
“Take what you want, Brenna.”
I move my hands down lower, seizing the control he’s giving me. My hands grip the hem of his shirt, and I pull it up, revealing his chest.
Oh. My. Holy. Lord.
This man can’t be real. And if he is, he sure as hell can’t be attracted to me. But then I see his eyes. The way the thick black around the green is intensifying. There’s no denying that he wants me, and I’m so out of my league.
I’ve been with one man. One. My whole life.
I met Luke, lost my virginity to him. My life wasn’t about being seductive and alluring. I was lucky that I could put mascara on for my wedding. That’s how inept I was.
It was over the last thirteen years that I learned how to really be a woman.
But right now, looking into his eyes, I feel breathtaking.
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he coaxes.
“That this isn’t real.”
He presses his lips to mine. “Does that feel real?”
“Yes.”
“What else?”
I’m torn on how honest to be, but at this point, I’m not sure I could stop the words. “That I won’t be . . .”
“Be what?” he asks after a few seconds of silence.
“Be what you’re expecting.”
Chapter Eighteen
Jacob
Is she out of her mind? She’s everything I want and don’t deserve. Brenna is beyond beautiful, kind, and trusting. Every ounce of me knows that I’m a fucking bastard for doing this, but I want her more than my conscience wants me to stop.
I take her face in my hands, waiting until those blue eyes lock on to mine. “I don’t know what you think I expect, but all I want is you.”
Her hands move to my chest, resting over my heart. “I’ve only been with one man. I’m . . . I’m not sure that I’m very good at any of this.”
I want to laugh, but I’m not stupid enough to do that. “Brenna, it’s been a really long time since I’ve been with anyone. So, if you want to talk about expectations, you have no clue what I’m worried about being with you. I worry that you think I’m some fantasy and you’re going to be disappointed when you realize I’m just a fucking man.”
She lifts on to her toes, lips just brushing against mine. “I guess it’s a good thing I prefer reality and real men.”
I grin. “Me too.”
And then I kiss her. I tilt her head, giving myself the best angle, and she melts against my chest. I move us back and then pull her down to the blanket. She breaks the kiss and smiles. “I’m glad you had a blanket.”
“I am too.”
“Did you plan this?”