“I know it’s not. But moving was the best thing for us. We have family here and it’s quiet.”
Cybil smiles softly. “I know, buttercup. I just miss you. And, of course, Mel and Seb. They were the closest we were ever getting to kids.”
“You’re welcome to raise them,” I joke.
“No thanks, sugar. We’re just fine sending them gifts and loving on them. And don’t think I don’t know what you are trying to do by keeping Reggie on the phone. Tell us about meeting Jacob Arrowood!”
I knew she wouldn’t let this go. I also know that lying to Cybil is a mistake. She sees through it all—hence why it’s always video chats. She knows me too damn well.
“He was nice and extremely attractive, but that’s it.”
Reggie’s face changes just slightly. “Do you like him?”
“I met him for about five minutes, so I don’t know.”
“Did you want to jump his bones?” The animation in Cybil’s voice scares me. She’s almost too excited over this. However, the only person who can rival Sebastian’s love for the Navigator, is my best friend. She’s a total superhero movie geek and is who got Sebastian into it.
“Define jump.”
“Oh, oh, oh! I knew it. He’s hot!” She slaps Reggie’s chest and he jumps.
“You’re abusive!”
“You can take it, Big Guy.” She turns back to me. “Now, tell me on a scale of one to ten . . . what’s he in person?”
An eleven. The girl inside me wants to swoon and sigh, and if Reggie weren’t watching me with a keen eye, I might have done that. But he is watching, and I don’t.
“I really didn’t have time to rate him.” I shrug. “Not to mention, for all we know, he’s just that . . . looks. He could be arrogant and a total asshole.”
“Yeah because total arrogant assholes just love spending time with kids,” Cybil scoffs.
“I’m just saying that I didn’t spend a lot of time with him and during that small amount, I wasn’t looking at him like a potential anything. He was a guy. Just a guy.”
I’m a liar. A really big one.
Cybil purses her lips and Reggie takes the phone from her and sits up. “Brenna, you know he would’ve wanted you to move on, right?”
I nod. “I know.”
“We talked about this—Luke and I did—because when you’re deployed and know there’s a chance you won’t make it back, it’s important you know that someone will watch out for your family,” he explains with kind eyes. “You don’t have to feel like you’re doing something wrong if you like someone. Not saying it should be him, but just that . . . he wanted you to be happy above all else.”
Cybil wraps her arm around his shoulders and squeezes him. “We all want you to be happy, Bren.”
“I know. I do, I know. It’s just that . . . I miss him, and I feel like somedays I don’t miss him enough anymore. There are days where I don’t think about him as much, and I don’t remember the sound of his laugh as clearly anymore. And now, to see a guy and even wonder what it would be like to be kissed by him? It’s hard. I’m struggling with it. But since meeting him, that’s what’s plaguing me. This feeling that I’m doing something wrong by even thinking twice about another man.”
“So, you thought about kissing him?” Cybil picks up on the one part of that.
I sigh. “I swear that you’re ridiculous.”
“Maybe so, but you’re a beautiful, young woman who has every right to want it.”
“Want what?”
Cybil smiles. “To be wanted.”
Every Wednesday is movie night in our house. When Luke and I were newlyweds, we couldn’t go out for dates, so we made the dates come to us. We tried to do the same tradition at least once a month if he was around. Since he’s gone, the kids have decided Wednesdays are now for family movies. We rotate who chooses, and tonight is Melanie’s turn, which means . . . romantic comedy.
This chick flick, however, mirrors life closer than I care to admit. The girl is alone after her husband died . . . and she met a man she can’t stop thinking of. Ugh.
I glance over at my kids, and Melanie’s eyes are glued to the screen while Sebastian’s head is lolled to the side as if he hates that it isn’t his week. Not that we don’t know what he’d select—Navigator. Another night of watching Jacob save the day. He’s a fighter pilot by day and flies in some weird suit when he’s saving the world. I can only imagine all the comments Luke would’ve made about the movie and the holes in it.
“How much longer do we have to suffer?” Sebastian groans. “This movie is torture.”
He’s right about that. “Not sure.”
Sebastian huffs. “This is killing me! She loves the guy, why won’t she just give in?”
Melanie turns to him with a glare. “Shh. If she did, the movie would be over.”
“Yes, that’s what I want.”
A small laugh escapes my lips.
Then, on the screen, a voice draws my attention to look. A pair of eyes that I’ve thought about for the last few days are there. I blink a few times, trying to stop my mind from playing tricks on me. But it’s him. Jacob is there on the screen, handing the girl her change.
“Hey! That’s Jacob!” Sebastian notes.
“No one cares, dummy.” Melanie huffs.
My heartbeat accelerates, and once again, the butterflies fill my stomach. He looks so strong and sure. It’s a small part, nothing to even notice if it weren’t for how popular he is now, but his smile . . . his smile makes it hard to breathe.
“I care,” Sebastian says. “Mom looks like she cares. You’re the only one who doesn’t care, Mel.”
Melanie’s eyes narrow. “Be. Quiet.”
He rolls his eyes and groans.
He manages to do that for about four minutes as the female debates again if it’s too early. “Seriously, Mom, this chick needs therapy.”
Mel pauses the movie and actually growls at him. “You try losing your husband when you’re young, and see what happens. She’s scared. She’s lonely. She’s afraid it’s too soon to like another guy. God, Sebastian, you’re such a stupid boy. She just needs time to realize it’s okay to move on! Her heart and her head are at war because . . . she loved her husband and she doesn’t know if liking another guy is the right thing. She’s a widow, and none of us can know how hard that is.”
Everything around me seems to slow as her words sink in.
Sebastian’s wide eyes are on me. “Mel . . .”
Her attention whips toward me, and she gives me the same wide-eyed expression my son is still wearing. “Oh, God. Mom, I’m so sorry.”
I shake my head, pushing my own thoughts away. “No, it’s okay.”
“I didn’t think . . .”
“Melanie, it’s okay. I am a widow. I lost your father, whether you think I’m young or not . . . very young. I’m clearly not trying to date, but you’re right, she needs time.” The horrified look on her face doesn’t budge, so I get up and move to her. “It’s all right.”