“So the next game, he’s going to be playing up to his game?” He was quieter now, as if her little speech had made some impression on him. Hopefully.
Sarah nodded. “I think we’ve come to an agreement.”
“Is that why he was talking about choices?”
“What do you mean?”
“I was just talking to him in the locker room. He was spouting some stuff about choices.” Logan shook his head, as if in disbelief.
Sarah had hoped that she would have at least had a few days before Billy spilled and Logan came after her for interfering. “It’s not nonsense—”
“You realize, of course, that choice is a luxury he doesn’t have,” Logan interrupted. “Not all of us have a father who is willing and able to pay for our education.”
“That’s a cheap shot, even coming from you, Logan Carleton.”
Thankfully he had the grace to look ashamed. “Sorry. Just dealing with Billy is a full-time job I don’t have time for. It’s just he doesn’t have the chances you had in your life.”
She sucked in a deep breath, shaking her head. “Sorry Logan, we may have dated at one time but I don’t know if you really understand my life.”
“I think I know enough. I know I can’t pay for Billy’s education like your father paid for yours.”
“My dad paid for my first year, but when I got my first basketball scholarship, I paid my own way every year after that. Every penny of my education came from my own hard work. I washed dishes, I waited tables, I supersized and downsized. I did it all myself. Without one cent coming from Frank Westerveld. One cent.” She pressed her lips together, damming the true confessions spilling out.
Logan’s expression shifted, then he frowned. “Are you kidding me?”
“And why would I do that?” She held his gaze, her eyes steady and unwavering.
Logan’s frown mirrored his doubt. “But I thought…”
“You thought wrong.”
He rubbed his hand over his chin, making a rasping sound. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply…”
“There was no implication in what you said, Logan. It was pretty much a bald statement. Sarah Westerveld needs her daddy. Well, I didn’t. And I don’t.”
Logan let a slow smile creep across his well-shaped mouth. “You have changed, Sarah. I don’t think you would have called me out on that before.”
“And you’ve changed, too. The Logan I knew shaved more regularly and cared what he wore in public.”
“The Logan you knew didn’t have to work so hard to make a living.”
“You worked for your father for two years after high school.”
“Yeah—to save up for college.”
“And why didn’t you go?”
“My dad needed my help,” he said. “That lousy trial took a lot out of him. When your father canceled his contract, that kind of finished him off.”
And they were back to square one. The evil that the Westerveld family had visited upon the Carleton family. “So. There you have it,” she said. “We’ve both changed.”
“Is that a good thing?” He had lowered his voice and for a heart-stopping moment, Sarah felt as if she had plunged back in time. Had returned to furtive meetings and stolen kisses in this selfsame gymnasium.
“I hope so. I’m not the naive and innocent girl I once was.”
Logan gave a short laugh. “Too bad. I was very fond of that girl.”
“Obviously not fond enough.” She meant for the statement to come out as a light, humorous comment, breaking the heavy mood that had fallen over them. But in spite of the eight years that had passed, her emotions leached into her voice.
“What do you mean?”
She forced a smile and fluttered her hand at him. “Nothing. Just trying to make a joke.”
Logan took another step nearer. “That didn’t sound like a joke, Sarah. What did you mean?”
He was close enough that she could smell the scent of oil on his coat and under that, the faintest whiff of cologne. He may not have shaved before he came here, but he had washed up and he had splashed on a bit of scent.
For her?
“What did you mean, Sarah?” The deep timbre of his voice, pitched just low enough to create a sense of intimacy, drew out old memories and the words she had tried to cover up.
She tried to lighten the atmosphere with a laugh, but it came out forced. “I was just talking about Marilee. You know.”
“No. I don’t.”
“She was with you…after we broke up. You went back to her.”
Sarah pressed her lips together, frustrated with the break in her voice. She had been doing so well up until then, skating the fine line of the understanding ex-girlfriend. Trying to put the past in the past.
For, to talk about Logan and Marilee together meant talking about the night Marilee died. And to cry in front of Logan was to invite an intimacy she couldn’t allow to happen.
She had to keep her distance. Keep her focus. She wasn’t staying here.
“Back to her? When?”
Just breathe. Slowly. You’ll be okay.
“That night…that night…” Why couldn’t she finish the sentence? Why was her voice choking up like that?
“The night she died?” Logan finally asked.
Sarah took a steadying breath and nodded, her focus on the clipboard she clung to like a shield.
He took a step closer, closing the distance between them. “She wasn’t with me, Sarah.”
Chapter Eight
Sarah frowned and looked up at him as his words settled into her mind, one syllable at a time. “What do you mean?”
Then, to her utter surprise, Logan laid his hand on her shoulder. “She wasn’t with me.”
“But, I thought…” Sarah’s breath left her.
Logan tightened his hand, his fingers warm on her shoulder. “And I never had a chance to tell you how sorry I was,” he continued. “About Marilee.”
Sarah shook her head, trying to arrange the confusion of thoughts ricocheting around her mind.
“But you weren’t hanging out with her that night?”
“No. Why do you keep asking me that?”
Sarah kept her lips pressed tight, willing the tears that pricked her eyes to stay back, willing her own silly heart not to waver at the warmth of Logan’s hand.
He could always raise such a mixture of emotions in her, she thought. Fear and anticipation. Tranquility and anxiety.
Now she struggled between the memory of her sister’s death and what Logan was telling her. Had she had everything wrong all this time?
“She wrote a note. The night of the accident. She said if I didn’t want you, she did. She said she was going to see you.” Sarah’s throat felt thick with suppressed tears and her eyes were hot. Logan’s face shimmered, but she was afraid to move her head. Afraid the tears hovering in her eyes would spill over and then more would come. She didn’t want Logan to see her vulnerable.
“Sarah, I have no clue what she told you, or wrote you. We weren’t together. I wasn’t even at the party she went to. Was supposed to be. In fact, Marilee had asked me to come, but I decided not to go at the last minute. And it had nothing to do with Marilee. I just didn’t feel like going because I was still upset over losing you.”