She nodded, urging me to answer.
“I’m not sure,” I heard myself say out loud. “I’m excited about the job. California is great. But moving Ben away from what he knows…for a job? I’m not sure that makes me a good dad,” I said, shocking myself. I hadn’t honestly acknowledged this, certainly not out loud.
“Adrian.” Shelley stepped up to me, standing right in front of me. She peered up at me through her long lashes, forcing me to meet her gaze head-on. She reached out and took hold of my hand. The top of my hand burned from the touch of her skin on mine. My eyes dropped down to our hands held together, and I swallowed. When her hand squeezed, I forced myself to look up.
“You are a fantastic father.” Her voice was soft but firm.
I rubbed the back of my neck with my free hand.
“I’m serious. Stop doubting yourself.”
“I’ll have to take your word for it,” I said, shifting my stance.
“Ben is over the moon to be here. Your job is such a great stepping stone. I read up on the company you’ll be working for. They’re amazing. This is going to be so much better than you ever imagined.”
“Yeah.” A laugh crawled up my throat and burst out. “I’m just letting past doubts cloud my outlook. You’re right.”
“Sorry, I didn’t hear you. Can you say that again?”
“You’re right. No need to rub it in.” I grinned, bumping my shoulder against Shelley’s.
“I just can’t help worrying about Ben. It’s what I do.”
“I understand. I do. But you’re not alone anymore. I know I’m only Ben’s aunt. But I’m here. Not just for the holidays and weekly phone conversations. I want to be a part of his life. I love Ben.”
I’d never counted on anyone before where Ben was concerned. After Zo split, I never really trusted anyone or got close enough to anyone to have much help. My parents were pretty much useless. I’d always been a disappointment, never living up to their expectations. Zoë wasn’t who they wanted me to date, let alone have a child with. When the pregnancy disrupted my scholarship and we didn’t get married, they pulled back completely, leaving me to deal with the mess I’d made on my own. And that’s what I did. Dealt with it alone.
All this time.
“I don’t really know what to say,” I said, running my hands through my hair, tugging on the ends.
“You don’t have to say anything. Just know that I’m here, and that you can count on me.”
“Thanks, Shell. I appreciate that more than you know.” I gave her hand a squeeze.
Long after Shelley left that night, her words ran through my mind. Her genuine concern seemed to tug at the walls I had in place, protecting not only me but also Ben from pain. I wasn’t sure I was ready to let anyone in, but I was grateful Shell cared enough to try. As I replayed the feel of her hand in mine, the softness of her touch, something that had been dormant began to awaken. I couldn’t remember the last time someone’s words and gentle touch had offered me such comfort. Somehow I felt like we would be okay, with Shelley close by.
My phone chimed, interrupting my thoughts. I picked it up and saw a text from Zoë.
Those words offered me no comfort whatsoever.
Chapter 6
SHELLEY
I sat at my laptop, going over the final edit for this week’s video. Ed had done an amazing job again. I don’t know why I insisted on him sending me the clips each week before putting them on my channel. He was more than competent enough to get the job done. But old habits die hard.
When I first started my channel back in college, I did everything myself. I had a cheap tripod to set my phone on, and I used simple software to edit and compile the videos myself. I never thought it would be more than a hobby, but those first few videos were a real hit. And they motivated me to keep up the weekly posts. Now, almost nine years later, I had a following of almost one million subscribers and fifty thousand weekly views. It wasn’t near the numbers the most famous video bloggers brought in, but it earned enough money that I didn’t need another job. Working at Char’s was mutually beneficial. I got to use her kitchen when I was doing a bigger project, and my presence there and my recipes brought in a lot of customers. Also, Charlotte had been my friend for as long as I could remember. She and I went to college together. She was even in a few of my earliest videos. I wasn’t ready to leave my job there behind just yet.
My phone rang, and I closed the media player on my laptop.
“Hi, Ed.” I heard the smile in my voice. “What’s up?”
“Just checking in to see if you liked this week’s edition.” His voice sounded far away, as if he weren’t talking into the speaker. Ed was your typical creative type, great at what he did, but a real scatterbrain.
“Loved it,” I replied. “Just add the new intro and ending we worked on, and it’s good to go up on Friday.”
“Got it,” he said, sounding too loud all of a sudden.
My phone beeped, alerting me I had another call coming in. I checked it to see the caller ID. Adrian was calling me.
“Hey, Ed. I’ve got to go. I’ve got another call coming in.”
“Sure thing,” I heard him say before I hit the end button and connected with the other call.
“Hey, Adrian.”
“Hi, Shelley. I, um…” Adrian broke off.
“Yes?” I replied carefully, standing up from my desk.
Adrian cleared his throat. “I was just calling to ask you a favor.”
“Sure.” I dropped back down in my chair.
“Ben’s sitter called. She’s sick with the flu. She can’t pick Ben up from school and watch him until I pick him up after work this week. Do you think…”
“Hey, I’d love to help out. What time does he finish up?”
“Are you sure you can work it out with your shifts at the bakery?”
“It’s fine. I can work it out with Charlotte. Besides, family is most important, right?” I loved Ben. I didn’t mind missing a few shifts to hang out with him. Amy had been asking Charlotte to work more shifts, and Mamie would be delighted to help out.
“Right.” Adrian cleared his throat.
“Absolutely. I’m excited. I miss Ben. We’ll have lots of fun.”
“Thanks, Shell.” Adrian’s voice was thick with emotion.
After giving me the details of Ben’s school schedule, Adrian ended the call. I jotted all the info down in my calendar and checked the time. I had another hour before I needed to pick up Ben. Plenty of time to swing by the bakery and have a chat with Charlotte about my shifts for the week. I was sure she’d understand.
I walked in through the back door and met Charlotte, who was entering the kitchen with a stack of dirty dishes.
“Oh, hey.” Charlotte’s face lit up when she spotted me. “What are you doing here?”
“Let me help you with that.” I took the top of the pile of dishes from her and carried them to the sink near the dishwasher.
“Thanks.” Char wiped her hands on her apron and tugged on her hair, straightening her ponytail. “We had a busy lunch hour. So.” She raised her brows, urging me to answer the question that hung unanswered.