One
Haven
Frankie, my best friend, is still fiddling with my long, wavy red hair as we step out of her small beat-up white truck. My lips feel sticky with all the pink lip gloss she painted on them. My eyes feel heavy with the fake eyelashes, and I can’t stop tugging at the bottom of my halter top that refuses to touch my jeans, showing off my belly button. This is not me.
Normally the freckles that line my nose and cheeks are like summertime badges of honor, but right now they’re hidden behind a mask, much as my heart that’s been ripped in two is concealed with the unaccustomed armor I’ve donned tonight. As the Rachel Platten song states, this is my comeback. I need to show everyone that I am okay—so they stop walking around like I’m some broken girl who they can’t be themselves around. I hate how they look at me differently now. I hate how they act. The only one who doesn’t is Frankie. She gets it. I’m not the first girl to have a broken engagement. Frankie has had two. I’m just happy my engagement didn’t go any further, knowing what I do now.
Taking a deep breath, I plaster on my smile, square my shoulders, and hope tonight will help take away the pain. We’re two counties over at the closest bar that has a dance floor. Our town, Oakport Beach, is too small to have one of these. It helps to know that if I make a fool of myself, no one will be here to see it.
“Well, aren’t you the prettiest Sunday school teacher I know?” Frankie’s brother, Danger, teases, sliding up to us. He has on his signature Wrangler jeans that hug his ass perfectly, big belt buckle, and a button-up shirt with its sleeves rolled up, showcasing his large muscular forearms. He has a drink already in hand that he tilts up with his greeting. My feet pause at his compliment, and that familiar warmth circles my heart. In this second, he is the man who I’ve crushed on for almost my entire life but have never been able to grasp onto long enough to say he’s mine. His deep-blue eyes hold mine, and I almost forget that Danger is the biggest flirt in Oakport Beach.
I stop myself from swooning, knowing his compliments are as abundant as water and they mean nothing. He’s the town’s flirt. Being his younger sister’s best friend, he’s made it more than clear that he and I could never be more, even if we’ve blurred the lines before. Not that any of this matters. My heart is in no shape to give itself out again.
I refuse to notice things about him like how his abs clench when he’s on his practice bull riding equipment, or the fact that he always pays me a compliment when we see each other. I know I’m not supposed to notice how he smells like hay and pine most of the time. I stopped caring about these things long ago, realizing Danger only wanted to protect me like a little sister and loved to insert himself into my business only to use it against me later.
“I thought rodeo season was becoming too busy for you to make it back home?” Frankie prompts beside me, the disdain in her voice giving away her annoyance that Danger and his friends are here tonight.
He shrugs and begins to defend himself. “I made it home for the bachelor party–” His words die on the tip of his tongue, and he looks at me then averts his eyes quickly.
This is what people do. My canceled wedding comes up in some sort of fashion, and they shrink away, scared they’ve said something wrong. I thought Danger would be different. He’s being too nice. I want what we had before, when he’d tease me relentlessly for no good reason other than to get under my skin.
I hit Danger in his stone-like chest. “Don’t you start being one of those people,” I scold him.
His eyes search mine, his thick brows ruffled, his lips slightly sliding together like he does when he concentrates. “I’m your best friend,” he says on a sigh. “I would never be one of those people.” He sounds hurt that I would even say this.
Maybe I am being too hard on him, on everyone. I don’t even know anymore, and clearly people don’t know how to act around me. They sure know what to say behind my back, in hushed murmurs. I hate those whispers I pretend not to hear. All I know is that my heart feels like it’s been shredded, and I don’t know how to repair it. For the first time in my life, I feel lost. I don’t know how to act around people anymore. I hate the church folks talking behind my back. I hate this need to escape everything in my life, including the mere thought that now I need to find a new place to live.
Frankie clears her throat, narrowing her eyes on her brother.
“Face it, sis. I’m the one who introduced the two of you. I saw her first, talked to her first, and had the first playdate, making me the best friend.” He smirks at Frankie while giving me a wink. That’s Danger for you. “I’m here to guarantee that Haven has a kick-ass night.”
“Yeah, we are!” Crash, Danger’s real best friend and cousin, says while strolling up with Wade, the local bartender, and Ruben, the baker in town.
That reminds me I owe Ruben money for the cake he made. I can feel my eyes prickle with wetness as I try to fight it off. Too many wedding thoughts is not a good thing. Danger pulls me hard into his solid chest. My feet trip over themselves at his sudden actions, and I’m left standing awkwardly, my breasts pushed against his muscular body. I fight it, not wanting the attention, but he refuses to let me go. Only then, when I embrace it, do I begin to feel like I’m able to breathe normally again. But it’s part of my whole cycle. I loosen up, and more tears escape me. Squeezing my eyes shut, I remind myself I will not cry anymore because of that selfish jerk.
“See? She’s so grateful she has tears in her eyes, and that’s why I’m the best friend.”
I hide in Danger’s strong hold, hoping everyone believes him; otherwise, I’m going to humiliate myself further.
I’m never falling in love again. There is no reason for it. I can inspire my Sunday school kids and make a difference in their lives. Keeping my eyes tight, I remind myself, I can do this. Slowly, my eyes loosen and open up again, the tears at bay, before stepping away from his strong embrace. Placing on my fake smile again, I murmur, “Thank you, guys.”
“Danger, you get us drinks while I take our girl dancing,” Frankie directs, and she pulls me by my hand toward the half-full floor.
Danger is giving me his lethal smile. The one that ropes in every girl he has ever shown it to, including myself one summer.
“Haven, you need to break out of your shell.” He’s talking so close to me that I can smell his cologne. The way he looks at me - is more like he wants to break me out of my clothes. Tonight is about moving on and not making mistakes, I have to remind myself. As his name states, Danger is the biggest risk to me. He says all the right things, makes me feel safe and cherished, but it means nothing. I’ve been a victim of this too many times in my life.
My hand instinctively closes the distance by going to his chest and slowly trailing down his shirt. “How do you propose I do that?” I ask.
My head is screaming for me not to touch him, but I’ve always had this pull to him, even when I know better. When my finger circles his bottom shirt button, I realize what I’m doing, and I step back, hoping to clear my head from his trance, but it doesn’t seem to be working.
“By riding the bull,” he says like this is fact and a no-brainer.