We both lay there in the dark, neither of us moving, and neither of us sleeping. I kept listening for the sound of his breath to even out, but he was obviously just as wound up as I was. I wanted to reach for him. To pull him to me and hold him. My fingers itched to touch him, and my body ached to feel his against mine.
This was stupid. We weren't going to get any sleep at all like this, and it wasn't like we were going to have sex in his parents’ house, so what would it hurt? The part of me that was determined to make it through this fake relationship without taking advantage insisted it could hurt a lot. But the rest of me couldn't figure out how touching Landon would be taking advantage in the first place, and honestly, I wasn't sure how to answer that side of me. If we both wanted each other, and I was sure we did, especially after that kiss the other night, then how was it taking advantage? I was still trying to decide what to do when Landon let out a frustrated sigh and rolled over on his side.
“Landon?”
“What?” he said, punching his pillow and pulling it tighter under his head.
“This is crazy.”
“What's crazy?”
“The both of us lying here, not sleeping.”
“We could go back to the kitchen and find something to eat or join my parents in another movie.”
“We could, or you could scoot over here and let me hold you. That's all, I promise. I just think we're both so worried we’ll touch that neither of us can relax.”
He lay for a minute, and then so quietly I could barely hear him, he said, “I know you don't want me, but would it really be so horrible for us to touch that it's keeping you awake?”
I heard something in his voice that told me that I had made a serious miscalculation. I'd been determined not to push him into a physical relationship because I didn't want him to get the wrong idea, and in doing so, he’d gotten the wrong idea in a totally different way. How could this gorgeous, kind man possibly think I didn't want him.
“It would only be horrible because I’m afraid if we ever touch, I won't want to stop, Landon. That’s why I’ve been keeping my distance. Because I want you so much, my whole body aches with it, and I promised myself I wouldn't take advantage of our situation to get you into bed.”
He rolled over towards me. “Seriously? That’s why you have been so hands-off? Because you don't want to take advantage of me? What about last year when you brought me home and dropped me off?”
“Yeah, even then. Lord, I wanted you that night. You had on that midnight-blue shirt that made your eyes look even bluer, and that was before you’d grown your beard in, and I just wanted to touch your face and see if it was a soft as it looked.”
“And now?”
“Now I just want to touch you, all the time. I want to feel your beard rub against the crick of my neck, and I want to taste your lips again. That kiss the other night, I wanted to pull you into my lap and devour you right there.”
He slid over in the bed next to me, and I wrapped my arms around him. “Miller?”
“Hmm?” I asked, distracted by the feel of his chest pressed to mine and the way he fit in my arms so perfectly.
“I'm a grown man, and I don't need you to save me from you or from anyone else.”
“Not even from yourself?”
“Not even from myself. I know you, and I know what I'm getting into.” He ran his hand down my back, making me shiver. “But I want you, Miller.”
“But not here,” I clarified.
“Not here. But we can snuggle. I like snuggling almost as much as I like all the things we’re not going to do under my parents’ roof.”
I let out a breath and pulled him closer. “Snuggling is good. I wouldn't want to do anything that would violate your mother's trust. She’s pretty awesome, you know, and your dad is, too. He loves that greenhouse.”
His body shook against me as he laughed. “That’s such an understatement. He always said he only felt alive when he was surrounded by plants, but he still always made time for us. He's a good dad, and my mom is the best. Maybe now you can see why it's so hard for me to tell her I don't want to live here.”
“I do. I'm not sure I could tell her no. It's easy to see how much she loves you.”
“She does. She was always my biggest champion, even when she didn't understand my choices.”
“Like joining the rodeo circuit?”
“Especially that, and honestly she was right, I didn't like it, but I needed to see that for myself.”
“Well, I'm glad it allowed you to make the connections necessary to land in River Gorge. Now let's try to get some sleep. I have a feeling tomorrow’s going to be a little crazy.”
16
Landon
“You called it,” I said to Miller, looking at all the people in my parents’ living room.
“What?”
“You said you were betting today was going to be crazy, and you were right.”
“It is crazy, but in a good way.”
My mother had way underestimated how many family members would be coming, which was okay because we had plenty of food, and of course anyone who came brought something with them. We ended up covering the table with the food, and then everyone just filled a plate and found a place to sit. I had pretty much grown up like this, but I was sure it wasn't what Miller was used to. He seemed to be rolling with it, though.
We were sitting in a couple of lawn chairs we’d brought in from outside, and he was talking football with my cousin, Dustin. I hadn't seen him in years, but he was in town for the holiday this year, so here he was. It started because he wanted to know who drove the Mercedes parked out front. When Miller said it was him, Dustin took a seat and they started talking cars. From there, it went to football, and they were still going strong.
“I'm going to grab some more food. Do you want anything?” I asked.
“No more food, I'm stuffed. But I'll take another beer, if you don't mind,” he said before turning back to Dustin.
I found my mother and grandmother in the kitchen washing up. “You two need to stop that and go sit down. Me, Chad, and Briana will take care of this in a few minutes.”
My mother smiled at me and kissed my cheek. “Thanks, sweetie. Are you sure?”
“I'm sure.”
“What about your handsome young man out there?” My grandmother asked.
“That handsome young man is so busy arguing about diesel versus gas and who the Cowboys should have traded for in the draft that he won't even know I'm gone,” I said with a laugh.
“He fits right in,” my mom said.
“He does, doesn't he? I think he’s enjoying being around a family that actually likes each other.”
“I think he’s very nice, and he has good manners,” my grandmother insisted. “I'm glad you have someone special in your life. It makes the good times better and the hard times bearable when you have someone to share them with.”
“That it does, Mamaw,” I said, kissing her cheek. “Now off with you two. Go find a seat and get off your feet. I'm going to get another plate, and when I'm done, I'll break the bad news to Chad and Brianna. We'll have this cleaned up in no time. Then it’ll be time for pie.”