I mean, it could be pretty incredible.
But then a part of me thinks I’m just being stupid. There’s no way a relationship with Samuel doesn’t end badly. He’s got all the power. Not only is he rich as sin, but his family literally owns the company I’m working for. He owns it. So while he is my coworker, he’s also kinda sorta my boss. And dating your boss is dicey territory in the best of circumstances.
Hell, I’m already blushing about seeing him tomorrow at the barn. What if it gets out that Samuel and I are sleeping together, and our employees, who’ve known Samuel a lot longer than they’ve known me, start to form less than great opinions about me? It’s sexist and terrible, yeah, but sometimes it’s how the world works.
What if having such a giant distraction around all the damn time makes me fuck up my work? What if it makes me self-conscious to the point I can’t perform? What if we get sick of each other? We’ll be around each other day and night. Will that make the magic wear off?
And was it wrong of Samuel to make such a proposition in the first place? And if it was, why does it make me feel so damn good?
He makes me feel good. And therein lies the problem. I don’t need him to feel good about myself. But being around him definitely makes me feel great. Which means not only does he have power over the future of my career, but he’s got power over my feelings too. If he can make me feel good, he can also make me feel like shit. He’s certainly done it before.
He could destroy me.
I don’t have time to be destroyed. I have goals. Big, scary, super ambitious things I am determined to get done.
It’s terrifying, knowing that committing to Samuel could mean losing all that. I could always find another job. But if I leave Blue Mountain under…well, not great circumstances, who knows if they’ll give me the reference I need to land a comparable position somewhere else? Beau is a great guy, and I know he’s in my corner, but Samuel is blood. That’s a kind of loyalty I can’t compete with. If Beau ever had to choose between the two of us, I know without a doubt whose side he’d be on.
But God, I really do like it here. A lot. I like the people, the scenery, and the food. It’s a special spot, the kind of place I dreamed of landing when I first started my career in wine.
I want to have my cake and eat it too. And I get that it may not be possible with Samuel.
But with Blue? I glance at my laptop, which I left on the nightstand beside the bed last night.
With Blue, I could have both. I could fall in love and keep my job, no problem.
That’s assuming a lot. Mostly that Blue and I will not only hit it off but also connect as instantly and as deeply as Samuel and I have.
I’m in deep with Samuel. That much is obvious. And the fact that I’m thinking about someone else makes me feel slimy, sure. Can I really fall for two people at the same time? Am I delusional to think anyone will come remotely close to making me feel as accepted and sexy and valued as Samuel does?
But I gotta be smart. The smart thing is to explore my options, right? Especially the option that allows me to thrive in all areas of my life without being scared shitless I’ll lose everything.
I guess I just need to know.
I need to know if my connection with Blue is real, or if it’s just some internet-induced fantasy that exists only inside my head.
I need to know if Samuel really is the one, or if there’s someone else out there. Because if I don’t explore this option, I may be leaving my perfect future on the table. One that doesn’t make me sweat the way I’m sweating now.
Also, Lindsey’s here. Which means I’ll have someone to come with me for my meetup with Blue. If anyone will be an honest judge of a guy and his potential, it’s her.
I open my laptop and fire off a message to Blue. Feeling a million different things as I type.
Tonight. Let’s meet.
Weirdly enough, my phone dings with a text message less than a minute later.
Even weirder? It’s Samuel, asking me if I want to come over again tonight. He’s thinking about firing up his wood-burning pizza oven—because of course he has one of those—and wants to know what toppings I like.
Emma: Sounds great, but my sister just arrived. She’s staying the night. Wasn’t expecting her…will explain later.
Samuel: Bring her too. All are welcome
Emma: You don’t know Lindsey. Rain check for Wednesday?
Samuel: Wednesday?
Emma: It’s the next night I have off.
Samuel: I am not waiting until Wednesday to see you.
Emma: You’ll see me tomorrow bright and early at the barn.
Samuel: So you’ll let me eat your pussy there?
Emma: No.
Samuel: My point exactly. I wanna see you again. Tonight. Sneak out. Don’t make me beg.
Emma: Trust me, I’d love nothing more. But I gotta hang with Lindsey.
Samuel: Okay. Can I call you later?
Emma: Sure. I can’t promise I’ll be able to answer, but I’ll try.
Samuel: I can’t stop thinking about you. I hope you have a great day with your sister.
Reading that last text, my chest aches. What do I say? That I can’t stop thinking about him either, but I’m not sure I can envision a future for us that doesn’t threaten the financial and professional stability I want so badly for myself? That I’m actually meeting up with another man in the hopes I can envision that future with someone else?
Emma: I miss you.
I look up at the knock on my bedroom door. “Em? Hey, Em, you all right in there? You need any help?”
I’m about to slam my laptop shut when I see a message from Blue pop up. Tonight works. Same place, maybe an earlier time so we get out before the roads ice over again?
I quickly type Yes. Think you can get a 6 PM at Cucina?
He replies right away. Absolutely. See you then.
“Coming!” I say.
I hop off the bed and open the door. Lindsey’s standing in the kitchen, wineglass tilted back.
“You okay?” she asks.
I grab the glass she’s poured for me off the counter and take a fortifying swig. “I’m great. Hey, this is gonna sound nuts. But how would you feel about coming downtown with me tonight to meet this guy I’ve been sexting with on the internet?”
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Samuel
I had hoped to work out alone today.
Mostly because I want to think about Emma. How it felt waking up next to her. The sounds she made as she demolished the dinner I made for her. The weight of her tits in my hands and the taste of her skin and the way she looks me in the eye when she’s giving me head.
I also need to figure out how I’m gonna tell V that not only does the cybersex have to end, but so does the possibility of dating outside our chat room. Do I go with the old, it’s not you, it’s me thing? Because that’s not entirely a lie. It really is me.
I’ve fallen for someone else. It happened literally overnight.
Or, really, it happened slowly, over the course of several weeks. And then, just like that after a night of incredible sex and vulnerable truths, I’m head over heels for the woman I swore I’d always hate.
I feel a little guilty leading V on, which is part of the reason I agreed to meet her tonight. That, and the fact that Emma is busy. Regardless, this is a conversation I should probably have in person. I respect V, and I really have enjoyed the time we’ve spent chatting. She’s special, and I want to tell her that face-to-face.