Watching Nash stretch his arms up in the air, I notice how rigid his abs are. How perfectly toned his entire body is. I’ve never paid attention until now. He stretches his arms out and twists around, cracking his back and his eyes catch mine. Almost choking on the coffee that I was holding in my mouth; I swallow it down and turn away quickly.
Oh my God, Rowan. Quit it.
An unnerving feeling festers inside of me. There has always been a wall of tension between Nash and me, but something feels different this time. It’s not an awkwardness conceived from anger and resentment. This is because I was totally just checking out my sister’s husband—and he caught me.
Fortunately, I don’t think he caught my reaction. Probably just thinks that I’m an awkward person in general, which I am.
He starts walking into the kitchen and my body tenses up. “Got any more of that coffee?” he asks, as he literally shoves his hand down the front of his pants like I’m not even standing here.
I turn around quickly, feeling my face flush. “Uh, yeah,” I say, grabbing another cup and filling it to the brim. I set it on the counter for him and slide past with mine in hand. “I’m gonna go for a run. Be back later.”
As soon as I’m free from the possibility of embarrassing myself, I breathe a sigh of relief. Shutting the bedroom door behind me, I stand against it. What the hell was that? And why in the world did I say I was going for a run? I don’t run.
I’m ashamed of myself for even having these ridiculous thoughts. This is Nash. My sister’s husband.
Get a hold of yourself, Rowan.
I walked around the same block three times with no hurry in my steps. When I went on this spontaneous adventure, it was an excuse to get out of the house, but now I’m so glad that I did. Sometimes we need to be alone in our thoughts so we can sort through them without outside interference. I’ve concluded that I have no idea what I’m doing. I feel like bits and pieces of my life are scattered all over the place and I’m not sure where to start putting them back together.
There is no place that I call home. No one from my past has made any attempt to contact me since I’ve left the Mindful Rest Center in Los Angeles. The thing is, I don’t even care. I prefer to leave those people behind. But who do I have now? Gemma is gone. Aunt Lori is in Arizona. I suppose once my work here is done, I could go visit her for a bit. She’d welcome the company, I’m sure.
I’ve been enjoying my job at Hooligans. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to stick around Sunnyville for a while.
Walking back up to the house, I feel refreshed and ready to take on the day. Nash’s truck is still here, which doesn’t surprise me. He spends the majority of his days at home. An idea suddenly hits me, and I go with it.
Opening the door, I walk in and immediately grab his attention. “Let’s go to Napa.” When he immediately laughs, I assume he thinks I’m joking. “Why is that funny?”
“You go on a run in flip-flops and decide you want to take a drive to Napa?”
Smirking, I kick off said flip-flops. “Uh-huh. Pretty much.” I sit down on the arm of the couch where he is nose deep in his phone. “I’m serious, Nash. I wanna see the vineyards. I mean, I’ve seen them, but I’ve never been able to do the wine tasting stuff.”
Lifting his head, he side-eyes me. “You can go do the wine tasting stuff. I’ll stay here.” Then he returns to his task at hand.
I snatch his phone, warranting me a devious glare. “Please, Nash? I don’t know anyone here and I think it would be fun.” I flash him sad eyes and a droopy frown in plea.
His posture dampens as he releases an exasperated sigh. “Fine.”
Bringing my hands together, I clap like an excited child. “Really?” Jumping up, I don’t even give him a chance to change his mind. “I’ll go get changed.” Stopping, I look back at him. “You should probably do the same.” After all, he’s sporting a pair of gym shorts and a plain white T-shirt that hugs tightly to his…oh my gosh, Rowan, stop it.
I pull on a pair of high-waisted denim jeans and a black T-shirt with a generic rock band name on it. I don’t even know who they are, but the design was cute, so I bought it.
A quick stop in the bathroom, and I pull my brush out of my necessities bag on the counter. I run it through my hair a couple times. My face is completely naked of makeup, as it has been for the last couple of weeks. I used to wear the stuff all the time. I wouldn’t be caught dead leaving the house without coloring my face in bronzer and my eyes in black liner. Dabbing on some blush and mascara, I call it good.
When I get back into the living room, I slide my flip-flops back on and drop down on the couch to wait for Nash.
Five minutes later, he walks out in a pair of khaki-colored adventure pants that have at least a dozen pockets, a breathable black long-sleeved shirt, and a backpack.
Holding back a laugh, I try to talk, but a few squeals escape. “Umm. Am I underdressed? I didn’t know that the wineries required us to deck out in hiking apparel?”
He arches his eyebrows with a smirk. “You said you’ve never been to a winery. I’m taking you someplace special.”
“Really?” I beam, all too eager. “I love surprises. Where are we going?”
Laughing, he begins tying his brown Ariat hiking boots. “I thought you said you liked surprises? If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise.”
“How about a hint? Do I need boots like that? Because I don’t have any.”
Lifting his head, he eyes the closet next to the front door. “Grab Gemma’s.”
My eyes widen in surprise that he’s offering to let me wear something of hers. Granted, she’s my sister, but he’s extremely protective of her belongings. Especially that wonky looking centerpiece on the table. “You sure?” I ask, seeking clarity. The last thing I want to do is piss him off or ruin this day by putting him in a sour mood.
“Have at it. At least they’ll still get some good use.”
I walk over to the closet and eyeball the three-tier shoe rack in search of the boots. Finding them on the bottom, I pull them out and check the size. Gemma and I used to share shoes and tops all the time. It was bottoms that we couldn’t. I always wanted her height. She always wanted my tits and ass.
Taking a seat next to him, I slide both feet in and begin tightening the laces.
“I bought those for her a couple days before our wedding.” He doesn’t even look at me when he speaks. As though my face would mirror his pain. “I don’t think she ever got a chance to wear them.”
I stop tying the laces, “Nash, I don’t have to—”
“No. Wear them. She would have wanted you to.”
Would she, though? Would she be okay with the fact that I’ve been staying here with her husband for the past couple of weeks, taking up space that was once hers? Wearing her shoes? Going on a surprise adventure with Nash? Does she know I looked out at the backyard and for a moment I wished this was my home and that this really was my life?
No. She wanted me to be here for him. She literally asked me to do this. I’m here because of her last wishes. That’s the only reason I’m here. And it’s okay that I’m enjoying it.