“Fuck, baby, I won’t last. You feel too good.”
Sweat coats his body and the jaw that I’ve seen tight from anger so many times is lax. His blue eyes have taken on a deeper shade, and they’re almost closed from pleasure. To know I did that to him, that my body can make him feel good, makes my orgasm start to build.
“I’m gonna come, Travis, I need you to fuck me harder.”
Up on his knees, he lifts me by my ass a little higher, grips my thighs, spreads them open even more, and pounds into me. Hard and fast. Perfect. I close my eyes and gasp as pleasure like I’ve never known rips through me.
His growl comes in unison with my moan, and after a minute of slowly sliding in and out, he collapses on top of me.
“Fuckin’ A, that was unbelievable. You good, sweetheart?” He talks into my neck and his warm breath tickles the hairs there.
I laugh. “Yeah, I’m good.” My fingers gently massage his scalp, and we sigh in contentment.
“Love you,” he whispers.
“You, too.”
“I forgot a condom. I’m so sorry. When you came from my tongue, I couldn’t wait anymore, and I totally forgot.” His words are rushed, worried.
“It’s okay, I’m on the shot.”
“Thank, Christ. Although,”—he props himself up on his forearms, and moves the hair covering my eyes—“I’ve never felt anything so fucking good in my life, so there’s no going back now.” He winks, and I snort.
He knows I think winking is creepy. Then I laugh harder trying to cover it up. He laughs right along with me and sits up. When he tries to pull out, I frantically grab him. “No! Just a little while longer, please.”
“Okay.” His voice is soft. “I’ll stay as long as you need me.”
“How about forever?”
The clock shows it’s been ten minutes, but my mind says it’s only been half that.
“Can I get up now?”
I stretch underneath him. “I suppose.”
He kisses my closed eyelids and slides out of me and off the bed. Already feeling lonely, I grab his pillow and cuddle with it, inhaling his masculine scent. His presence back in the bedroom makes me smile, and I giggle when he tickles my foot.
He massages up my calves and when he gets to my knees, he gently spreads them apart. I feel a cloth between my folds and sit up, throwing the pillow on the floor.
“I got it.” I grab the washcloth and back up against the headboard.
Why? Why does the memory of Todd hit me now? I just had the most amazing, earth shattering, mind-blowing sex with the man I plan to spend the rest of my life with. I will not cry. I won’t. Instead, I drop my head so my hair covers my face and bite my lip.
“What’s wrong?” His concerned voice breaks my heart. I’m so pissed at myself for being weak.
I shake my head and brush him off. “Nothing. I’m fine.”
“No. You’re not.” He pushes the hair back and ducks down to look at me. “Talk to me.”
“It’s stupid.”
“Nothing you feel is stupid. Remember what you just promised me? Honesty, right?”
Why did I say that? “I don’t want to ruin what just happened. Please, leave it alone.”
“No.” He stands at the foot of the bed. “I’m not doing this with you, Charlotte. You either talk or—”
“Or what? You’ll leave me?” I rise on my knees and raise my voice. “What do you want me to say? Todd used to do that, okay. He always cleaned me up after.” I twist my hair and hold it at the nape of my neck, suddenly hot. “And you know why I’m on the shot?”
“Okay, I get it. You don’t have to finish,” he concedes.
“No. You want to give ultimatums, this is the consequence. You want to know what I’m thinking, what’s going through my fucked-up head?”
He closes his eyes and hangs his head.
“He brought the damn shot to my house every three months. That’s how I got started. And when he would clean me up, I thought it was sweet at first. But toward the end, I cringed. I hated it.” My knees give out, and I fall to my butt. “I hate him. I fucking hate what he did to me.”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart.” Travis reaches for me and pulls me to his chest. My arms hang, but he grabs them and wraps them around his waist. “I’m an asshole. I won’t do that again, okay?”
Nodding into his chest, I begin to find comfort again. He stands there, holding me, while I calm down, and eventually I have the mental strength to look at him again.
“I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have yelled like that.”
“No. I shouldn’t push you. You’re right. I asked.”
He leans down and kisses the top of my head. “You hungry?”
“Yeah.”
* * *
We’re lying in bed, after another round of blissful love making. Travis is on his back, and my head is rests on his chest, while I make patterns with my finger.
“Do you still think about the baby?”
“Yeah.” He clears his throat. “I do. But I don’t feel anger anymore.”
“What do you feel?”
“Sad. I’ll see a little girl and wonder what my daughter would look like. If she’d be able to ride a bike yet or if she’d like princesses or sports.”
“Do you still want to have kids?”
“With you, yes.”
I smile against him. “Yeah?”
“Yeah, sweetheart. At least two. You?”
I copy his words. “With you, yeah.”
He kisses the top of my head and holds me a little tighter. I wrap my arm around him and close my eyes, hoping for a restless night’s sleep. I don't know how long the nightmares will last, but when he holds me, I know my dreams have come true.
Chapter 23
Travis
I SLIDE MY ARM out from under Char’s sleeping head. Before I get up, I stare down at her beautiful face, and kick myself again for being an asshole last night. I wasn’t thinking when I got mad. I’m sick of her shutting down around me, but that’s no excuse to give her an ultimatum. Every time she tells me another horrible story about what that fucker did, I wish I’d done more damage.
I grab my cell off the dresser and close the door behind me. Rummaging through my clean laundry, I pull out some running clothes. I’ve been so worried about her that I’ve skipped my regular workouts at the gym. Since she seems better now, I’ll settle for a run this morning so I can get back faster.
I put my earbuds in and jog down the stairs. As soon as my feet hit the pavement, my mind clears and I run hard. Stress and tension leave my body as I push faster.
A few miles later, I’m dripping with sweat when I get back to my apartment. Staring up at the brick building while I catch my breath, I know things have to change. I had the door on her condo replaced yesterday, and walking through it, I realized I’ve gotta get a house. Her place is smaller than mine is, and we need more space. She loves to paint those pictures; I’ll make sure she has her own room for that. And when we have kids, they’ll need a big yard to play in.
“Hey.” Char smiles and meets me at the door with a kiss. “Ew, you’re all sweaty.”