After I’m done with her tonight, I want her to feel me for days, weeks even because I don’t know when I’ll have my next chance to have her like this.
“I need to go to my dad’s.”
I shake my head. “Huh?” I ask, pulling myself out of the past and into the present. Reaching down, I adjust my pants because, of course, I’m fucking hard.
“I need to go to my dad’s,” she repeats.
“Why?”
She looks up at me. “I need to get my stuff. Pack everything up—”
“It’s already been done.” I interrupt her and grab her a water out of the fridge.
“What?” she asks surprised. “When?”
I sit down beside her, very aware of my hard-on but trying to hide it from her. Sex should be the last thing on her mind. “Last week. I had Blanche get everything together for us. It’s all packed up to go and already loaded in a U-Haul.” I didn’t want her to have to go back to the house for anything. I was afraid the memories would resurface. And they still haven’t cleaned it. Not sure what they plan on doing with that house now.
She stares at me with wide eyes. Reaching out, I push a piece of hair behind her ear, running my finger over all her piercings. I haven’t really gotten to touch her much in the past couple of weeks. Well, more like the last month. Not since prom night. I’ve had to hold back, and it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Like right now as her green eyes search mine, I just want to pick her up in my arms and carry her up to the loft, lay her down, and bury myself between her legs. But I know it will be a while before that can happen.
So instead, I ask, “What, sweetheart?”
“Nothing,” she lies, looking away from me.
The door opens, and I turn around to see Deke enter. He has a go fuck you look on his face, and his jaw is set in a hard line. I still haven’t had the chance to talk to him.
“Where is Bennett?” Deke asks, plopping down in one of the gaming chairs.
“On his way,” I answer.
He nods and pulls his cell out of his jeans pocket.
“I’m gonna go take a shower,” Austin announces and stands.
“I’ll help you.” I jump to my feet.
“No.” She places her hands on my chest. “I can do it, Cole.” Then she leans up on her tiptoes and kisses my cheek. “I’ll be all right. Promise.”
I stay standing as I watch her take the steps. She’s getting around well, to be honest. And I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of anyone. Sitting back down, I catch Deke staring at me. “What?” I ask.
“I never did get to clean up the bathroom. Did you …?”
“Oh, shit!” I jump up and take the stairs two at a time. I come to a stop at the open door to see her standing in the middle of it.
“What happened?” she breathes with her arms out wide. Her eyes go to the shattered mirror and then they go to my hands. Hair and makeup products lie scattered on the floor along with glass from the mirror. It crunches under her Chucks. “When did you do this?”
I sigh. “It doesn’t matter. Give me ten minutes, and I’ll have it cleaned up.”
“It does matter,” she says matter-of-factly. “When?”
I run a hand through my hair. “Austin …”
“No, Cole.” Her eyes narrow on me, and I can’t help but smile. This is the Austin I love. The fighter in her who doesn’t back down. She’ll stare the devil in the eyes with a smile. “We are not doing this. You are going to tell me what I want to know.” She crosses her arms over her chest.
“Or what?” I ask, my smirk growing.
She huffs. “Or I will withhold sex.”
I laugh for the first time in six weeks. And I forgot how good it felt to find something funny. “We won’t be having sex for a very long time anyway. So go ahead and withhold your pussy, sweetheart.”
Her face falls as if she expected me to fuck her tonight. “Then … just …” She sighs. “When did you do this? Was it because of what I did?”
“What you did?” I take a step into the bathroom and wrap my arm around her waist, carefully pulling her chest into mine. “You didn’t do anything, Austin.”
“That’s not true.” She swallows nervously. “Before Kellan … I pretended to like Myers to make you jealous.” My brows rise. “I used him to get to you. I wanted you to hurt like you hurt me.”
“I was hurting,” I admit. I have no problem telling this woman I’m obsessed with her and that she has the potential to ruin me more than I already am. “I need to know—”
“Nothing happened between us.” She interrupts me, already knowing where I was headed.
“It’s okay if something did,” I lie. It would kill me, but I would live with the pain. “I deserve that.”
“Cole.” She places both of her soft hands on my face, and her eyes search mine. “I’m not lying. Nothing happened,” she repeats. “Is that why you did this? ’Cause you thought I was sleeping with him?”
I take a deep breath and cup her cheek. “I did this the night Kellan shot you.”
“Oh,” she says.
“After I found you lying on your dad’s kitchen floor. Dead. We took care of Kellan, then we came back here to shower before I turned myself in.”
“You what?” She gasps, her hands dropping to her sides.
We haven’t really had the opportunity to discuss how things went down. Once she woke up in the hospital, things became hectic. Nurses and doctors in and out of her room. If Becky wasn’t visiting, Deke was. Then Bennett was there often. The police questioning her. They never did ask to speak to her again once Jacob and I showed back up. When he told them they were not allowed to speak to her without him being present, they said they had enough information. Which was bullshit. The only question is why? Did my father get to them? I’m not sure why he would do anything to save her unless he thinks she’ll roll on me. And we all know that he’ll do whatever he can to keep my ass out of prison. As far as Kellan, all she knows is that we killed him.
“Turn yourself in for what?” she demands.
“It’s a long story.”
“Cole—”
“I have plenty of time to tell you.” I interrupt her. “Just give me ten minutes, and I will have this cleaned up for you. Then later, I’ll fill you in, okay?”
Her eyes search mine for a long time before she finally nods. “Okay.”
I come out of the bathroom fifteen minutes later to find her sitting at the end of the bed. Her head’s down, and she’s inspecting her fingernails, but I can see her mind working. I can almost smell her fear. Like when I took her to watch Jerrold with me. But this time, it’s different. It’s not what will happen to her; it’s what will happen to us. Where do we go from here? The threat may be over, but what does that mean for us now? Can we move on so easily? Can I keep her and Lilly safe?
I know this because I’ve asked myself these same questions over and over.
I come to the end of the bed and kneel before her. She lifts her eyes from her hands to look at me. I see unshed tears fill her green eyes, and she looks away. She obviously doesn’t want to talk about whatever it is she’s thinking. That’s one thing about Austin; if she wants to know something, she’ll ask. So I won’t push her right now. When she’s ready, she’ll let me know.