My eyes shoot to her, and she is drilling holes into his head.
“Stop.” I hold up my hand to cut off whatever else he was saying. I walk over to her. “Who has hit you?” I demand. I can take a hit, she had said, but I never gave much thought to it. Not until now.
Her hard eyes meet mine. “This isn’t about me.”
“Bullshit!” I snap.
“I just wanted to help Eli’s sister.”
“She’s dead,” I snarl.
“Yes, I fucking know that.” Her voice grows louder.
I cup her cheek, softening my voice. “Who hit you?”
She flinches as if I slapped her and pulls away. “My life is none of your business.”
My father said that her mother’s boyfriend was abusing her, but at the time, I thought he meant her mom. It was her. “It was your mother’s boyfriend, right?” Her jaw sharpens, and her eyes dart to Shane again. “Did she know he put his hands on you?” She looks away from me. “Did you tell anyone?” I demand.
She looks back at me. “Like I told people about you?” she snaps. “You blackmailed me. Twice.”
“That is different.”
“How? You offered me up to Kellan. You allowed Deke to undo my pants.”
Shane’s eyes widen, but I ignore him. “I’m talking about him hitting you.” My eyes narrow on her. “Has he touched you before?”
She bites her bottom lip and looks down at her black Chucks. “Austin? This is serious.”
She throws her head back laughing, but it’s forced. “What are you gonna do, Cole?” Her green eyes meet mine again, and she spreads her arms out wide. “Gonna go to California and blackmail him? Kill him?”
“So he has touched you?” I ask through gritted teeth.
She runs a hand through her hair. “I’m not gonna discuss this.”
“Yes, you are,” I snap.
She crosses her arms over her chest. “Talking about it doesn’t change it.”
“Did he rape you?” I demand.
Shane shuffles from foot to foot.
“No,” she answers, but that doesn’t ease the tightness in my stomach. “Look.” Her eyes meet mine. “I thought we weren’t going to do this?”
I clench my fists. She’s right, but Bruce is just waiting for the first opportunity to ship her back. I have a deal with him, but that doesn’t mean he won’t fuck me over at any given moment. “Just tell me what he did.”
Her narrowed eyes go to Shane, and he looks away from her, feeling guilty for throwing her under the bus. “No, Cole!” she snaps, her anger taking over. “This conversation is over!” She turns her back to me and starts to walk toward the door.
“Austin!”
She spins around to face me, her long hair slapping her in the face while walking backward to the door. “I’ll tell you what, Cole, when you feel like sharing your secrets with me, I’ll share mine with you.” And with that, she spins back around and walks out, slamming the door shut.
Shane and I stand in the silence, and I fist my hands down by my side. I shouldn’t have made her drive herself here. Then she wouldn’t have been able to leave.
I spin around and yank my shirt off, walking over to the punching bag. It’s my go-to when I need to relieve some anger.
“I’m sorry, man,” Shane says, clearing his throat.
“Don’t repeat what you heard tonight,” I say before I start pounding the bag, imagining it’s her mother’s boyfriend’s face, until my shoulder is screaming from the pain.
_______________
Tuesday morning, I sit in fourth period as kids put their stuff in their bags. The bell getting ready to ring, and I look over at her empty seat next to me. I didn’t get much sleep last night. I tossed and turned and imagined her as a kid—what her mom’s boyfriend did to her—and it made me think of Lilly. How evil this world is and how many men would take advantage of a little girl who couldn’t defend herself. Who has no one to protect them. It made me furious. Austin is a perfect example of that. I’ve been taking advantage of her ever since I laid eyes on her.
I got up and crawled in bed with Lilly. I held her close and kissed her hair. The thought of someone hurting her makes me sick, but nobody cares what happens to Austin.
While I laid there trying to figure out how I can protect Lilly from evil, my mind went back to Austin. I hate that she refused to tell me what her mother’s piece of shit boyfriend has done. How old was she the first time he hit her? Touched her? Did her mother protect her?
I haven’t heard from her, but the urge to pick up my phone and text her has been strong.
The bell rings, and I walk down the hallway, into the cafeteria, and sit down at our usual table.
Becky comes in with Deke on her arm, and they laugh like they’ve got nothing but jokes to tell. For the first time, I envy my best friend. He can turn it off like a switch. He can go from murderer to a fucking comedian in an instant. Not me. I hate the world. I hate myself. And I hate Austin.
No, you don’t.
“What’s wrong, Cole?” Becky asks me.
“Nothing,” I growl.
Deke waves her off and chimes in. “He’s just pissy ’cause Austin isn’t here for him to hang all over.”
Becky looks at me for a few seconds, her crystal blue eyes watching mine, and I look away. Noticing the white walls and students walking in, I hear them talking about their nonexistent lives. I feel her eyes on me, and I look back at her. Yep. Still staring. “Do you have something you want to say?” I snap.
“Do you and Austin have plans this weekend?” she asks, ignoring my anger.
“Why would we have plans?”
“Because you guys are dating,” she says simply.
“Babe, I told you it’s not like that,” Deke says, shaking his head. Then he gets up to grab their lunches.
She leans forward, and I hold in a sigh. “I see it written all over your face.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I’ve gone to school with you my entire life, Cole.” She lowers her voice. “I’ve seen you lose people you love.” My fists clench. “And I’ve seen how you look at her. I’ve seen a change in you.” I snort. “The other day, when she and I were standing outside the gym waiting for you guys to finish your meeting …” She looks down at the table. “I asked her how she was doing. If she was okay. I felt like something was wrong with her, but she blew me off and said she was just tired.” Her eyes meet mine. That explains why Austin jumped out of the car and tried to walk home. Becky got to her. “She lied, of course. I could ask you if you’re okay, and we both know you would lie too. But I know you better. Known you longer. I’ve watched you lately, and although I think you have hurt her, I also think you protect her.”
“Becky …”
“I see how you pull her tighter when Kellan walks into a room. And some would just chalk that up to being possessive, but I think it’s more than that.”
“Like what?” I can’t help but ask.
“Even the devil catches feelings, or he wouldn’t go into rages. Even he knows how to love.”