“I want you to tell me—”
“I don’t talk about it,” I interrupt him.
His jaw sharpens. “Why not?”
I laugh like that was funny. “Because no one ever cared,” I snap.
He gets up and walks over to me. Bending over, he grabs my hand and lifts it gently. I have no other choice but to climb out of the pool as he pulls me up. He cups my face and pulls my body flush to his, the water soaking his clothes instantly. “I care.”
“Why?” I ask nervously. “You’ve hurt me. I’m not gonna tell you something just for you to play some sick game with me.”
“It’s not like that,” he growls.
“Then what’s it like, Cole? Because I’m getting a headache trying to figure it out,” I snap.
He takes a step back, running his hand through his spiked hair. His white t-shirt and jeans cling to his body. “Just tell me one thing.”
“What?” I ask, rubbing my temples. Not lying about getting a headache.
“Your mother sent you here to protect you, right? So he couldn’t touch you?” His soft eyes meet mine, and I can’t make myself hurt him. Not after what he told me about the friend he couldn’t help. He didn’t have to say her name, but I know he was talking about Eli’s older sister.
“Yeah,” I say.
“Austin.” He grabs my arm and pulls me back into him. “You just lied to me.” His eyes narrow on mine.
Teeth clenching, I argue. “No, I didn’t—”
“Stop lying!” he interrupts me. “And tell me the truth, Austin!”
My anger rises that he can read me so well. And now that he knows, he’s never going to give up. Cole is relentless. He does whatever he needs to get what he wants. “The truth? The truth is that she thought I dressed too provocatively around him. She didn’t like that I wore shorts in hundred-degree weather, and that he would stare at me when I walked through a room. She didn’t like that my jeans weren’t two sizes too big. She blamed me every time he touched me.” Angry tears sting my eyes. “She blamed me when she found me cornered in the kitchen and his hand up my shirt,” I scream, shoving him away. “She blamed me when she found him passed out drunk lying in my bed while I was out with my friends.” He stares down at me, his blue eyes dark and jaw sharp. “Is that what you want?” I shout and shove him again. “You wanna know that no matter what I did to stop him, it was never enough for her?” I gasp for a breath. “She didn’t care that I didn’t come home. She didn’t want me there anyway. That’s just what she wanted my father to believe. She didn’t care that I did drugs. She was the one who gave them to me. And she didn’t fucking care one thing about me.” The first tear falls down my cheek, and his blue eyes follow it.
He swallows. “Austin …”
“She didn’t care, Cole.” My voice cracks. “You were right. Is that what you want to hear?” I’m shaking, hating to admit that to him. “She chose him over me.”
He steps into me and wraps his arms around my waist. I bury my head into his soaked chest and bite my bottom lip to hold in a sob. To keep my emotions in check.
His arms tighten around me. “I’m sorry.” He breathes, kissing my hair.
The sincerity in his words makes me fail miserably. Fifteen years of silence rushes out like a dam breaking. And of all people to tell, I tell the one guy who can use it against me. He didn’t deserve the truth, but a part of me wanted someone to care for so long. Someone to tell me she was in the wrong. And that I mattered.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
COLE
SHE SOBS INTO my shirt, and I just stand here, holding her. Not knowing what the fuck to do for her.
I’m at a loss for words. And I’ve never felt this way before. Just yesterday, I wanted to rip this girl to pieces. But what I didn’t realize was that she is already ruined. She just hides it much better than I ever could.
I bend down and slide an arm under her legs and pick her up. I sit down on the lounge chair, and she curls up against my chest.
I look up at the cloudy sky, and my teeth clench. I don’t like situations I can’t control. And her mother and boyfriend back in California is something I can’t do anything about. Same with Bruce. What if he decides to say fuck our deal and send her back? What the hell do I do then? I can’t let her go. Not back to those worthless pieces of shit.
She calms her breathing and shifts in my lap, sitting up. I reach up and wipe the tears away from her face. And I feel guilty that I still find her gorgeous when she cries.
“You can go,” she says, standing up and dismissing me.
I grab her arm and stand as well. Cupping her face, I stare down into her watery eyes. I hold her cheek, but she looks away from me, biting her bottom lip. You can see the shame written in her eyes. She hates that she made herself look so weak in front of me. That I got her to break so easily.
I love it. Finally something that I can use to get close to her. To make her trust me more. Need me more. No more of this back and forth shit. Even though I liked her fight, I like this more. Holding her. No one has ever needed me before other than Lilly. And that’s a different kind of need.
But as her eyes come back up to mine, I realize that Becky was right. If she asked me to, I would burn this town to the ground for her. No matter who is standing in my way.
I press my lips to hers, needing her as much as she needs someone to protect her from her mother and the boyfriend.
And you.
I’m no better. I hurt her in other ways, and no matter how much I know it’s wrong, I can’t seem to stop.
She parts her soft lips and I kiss her gently, tasting her tears once again and they make me hard. I ignore my want to throw her to the lounge chair and rip off her bikini. Instead, I want to show her that I can be better. That I can be the one to save her. Even if it’s a false sense of security. Because I’m not the one who saves. I destroy.
She pulls away from me first. My hands drop to my sides, and she wraps her arms around her waist as if she’s protecting herself from me. Her instincts tell her I’m no good. That I would be no different from any other bastard who has hurt her. “Please go,” she says, averting her eyes.
For once, I do as she asks.
_______________
Not going to lie. Wednesday sucked not having her here at school with me. I like that I can kiss her and touch her whenever I want, but I haven’t spoken to her. I still don’t know what to say. I know better than anyone that words don’t change the past or heal the scars any faster. And I’ve never been one for chitchat.
Thursday hasn’t been any different. The day has gone by agonizingly slow. It feels like six in the evening, but it’s only lunchtime.
Deke is cramming food in his mouth like usual. Becky is scrolling through her phone, and I’m just sitting here thinking about Austin. About how I could be taking advantage of her three-day suspension. I could be in bed with her right now. Naked. My hands in her hair, her lips on mine. And the thought makes me hard.
“Hey, Cole.” Kaitlin Milton plops down beside me. Head cheerleader. Also a pain in my ass.
“Excuse me?” Becky says, placing her phone down.