“You don’t?” she shoots right back, her head tilted to the side in a mocking gesture.
“Ha!” Mom shakes her head. “I love to cook, but neither of my two kids seem to have gotten the gene. What they do love is to eat.”
Leaning back in my chair, I pat my stomach. “Well, I need all the energy I can get. After all, I’m a growing boy.”
Yasmin rolls her eyes, but the playfulness in them is gone when they narrow down at the naked patch of my abs that was revealed when my shirt was pulled to the side. She blinks and looks away, but I swear the rosiness in her cheeks has grown into a full-on blush.
Fuck me.
Mom swats me on the leg. “Behave, you’re not in kindergarten.”
For all her stern words there is a lightness in her I haven’t seen in so long I almost forgot about it.
“Yes, ma’am.” I sit straight. My stomach finally catches up with all the smells coming from the table, so I fill my plate to the brim. “‘O gwod,” I mutter as soon as I take the first bite of eggs. I’m not sure what she put in them, but she did something different, and it tastes amazing.
Mom gives Yasmin a look, but I’m too immersed in the food to try and decipher the meaning of it. Instead, I eat quietly, listening to the three of them talk. Both Mom and Jade grill Yasmin about college and her extracurriculars, but she takes it in stride, answering all their questions.
“What about you? Have you decided where you want to go?” Yasmin asks Jade.
I watch as the smile falls off my sister’s face. Jade opens her mouth, then closes it.
“She applied to a few schools, but she’s hoping to get into Blairwood. Jade’s amazing with the camera and wants to study photography,” Mom supplies, wiping her mouth with a napkin. She’s been nibbling at small bites, and although there is still food on her plate, she ate more than she did the last time I was home.
“Really? That’s amazing. I always admire people with the artistic eye. I have none whatsoever. I can’t even sing in the shower, that’s how bad I am.”
Yasmin’s laughter eases a bit of the tension that her question caused. Talking about college is a sore subject for Jade.
Ever since we visited Blairwood’s campus, even before I officially enrolled, it’s been the only thing she talked about. Then cancer happened, and everything changed.
Placing my fork on the plate once I’m done, I look at my family. “We should talk.”
Yasmin gets to her feet almost instantly. “I’ll go upstairs and change.”
“You don’t have to…” Mom starts to protest, but Yasmin shakes her head. “It’s fine. I have to change and make a phone call anyway.”
She offers me a small smile, but I don’t have it in me to return it. “I’ll take you back to campus in a bit.”
“No hurry. I’ll be upstairs, come and get me when you’re ready.”
We watch her leave in silence, and only when I can’t hear her footsteps any longer do I face my mother.
“Was this really necessary?” she asks, clearly unhappy with where things are going.
“We have to talk, Mom.”
Jade gets up from her seat and starts getting dirty dishes. But it’s not her I have to convince so I let her be.
“I know you’re going to hate this, but…”
“Then don’t say it.”
“You need more help. We need more help.”
“Anna is already spending most days with me.”
“Most being the key word here. You scared Jade last night, Mom. You scared me.” I put my hand over hers, feeling the frail bones under the cool skin. “When I said I’d take a year off, you asked me to go back to college. When I suggested I could commute from home, you got so pissed you almost threw me out of the house.”
Mom presses her lips in a tight line and shakes her head. Seeing her like this reminds me of the no-nonsense mom she used to be. “That’s because you need to focus on football and school.”
“The season is over.”
“And you won the national championship! Do you really think you could have done it if you didn’t give it your all? If you were struggling to juggle being home and going to college?”
I know she’s right, but her words hurt all the same. Yes, she asked me to go back to campus, but I could have said no. I should have said no. Instead, I took the easy way out. Choosing my career, my future, over my family.
The Ravens might have won the championship, but the win was bitter because I knew what I sacrificed in order to get there.
“You can’t put your life on hold for me.” She gives me a hard stare and then turns to Jade to do the same. “Neither of you can do that. I won’t let you.”
Tears pool in my sister’s eyes, but there is also fury. The plates rattle as she puts them down on the counter with more force than necessary. “You can’t ask me to leave you.”
Mom gets up and goes to her, wrapping her arm around her. “I’m not asking you to leave, I’m asking you to live.”
Jade closes her eyes, her throat bobbing as she swallows, trying to keep her emotions in check. One lone tear slips down her cheek regardless.
“I can come back home,” I offer, but before I can finish the sentence, Mom’s stern gaze turns to me. “No.”
Her tone is non-negotiable as she says it. Like just the idea of it is unimaginable. Not that I expected anything different.
“Then you have to let me hire a nurse.”
“I already have a nurse.”
“Around the clock care,” I correct, looking her straight in the eyes. I need her to understand this. How important it is. She can’t ask me to go away and expect me not to worry. “I don’t want to hear anything more about accidental falls.”
Mom sighs, the sound more tired than irritated. “I don’t want anybody hovering over me all the time, Nixon. Not…” She swallows. “Not yet, not when I can do it myself. I want you to live, but I also need to do the same.”
While she still can.
She doesn’t say it, but I can hear it.
Mom’s been declining rapidly since Christmas. She lost her appetite and with it a significant amount of weight. There are days when she’s in so much pain she stays in bed all day, but there are still some days when she feels better, like today, and it’s almost like she’s coming back to us. But those days are further and further apart.
“No hovering,” I promise.
She looks at me for a long while, but then finally nods her agreement. I exhale slowly. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Jumping to my feet, I go to Mom and Jade and wrap my arms around them, pressing my lips against Mom’s forehead. “You know I worry, right? I just want to keep you safe.”
Mom throws her arm around my shoulder and with the other pulls Jade in tighter for a group hug. “I know. And I love you for it.”
“I love you too, Mom.”
We hold each other for a while longer. Mom’s the first to let go. She wipes at her cheeks, and puts a smile on her face. “Go on, you have to get that girl of yours back to campus.”
Giving her one final kiss on the head, I pull back. “I’ll be calling the nurses once I get back to campus.”