“You feel so fucking good.” He nuzzles into my neck. “How is that even possible?”
“I don’t know.” I shake my head. Wrapping my legs around his waist, I pull him closer, deeper. “Harder, please…”
Nixon speeds up his pace, and I meet him thrust for thrust. Sweat and droplets of water from our shower earlier still cling to our skin, so it’s hard to hold on. My hands slide down and he grabs them in his, our fingers interlocking above my head.
“I’m going to come,” Nixon grits through clenched teeth, barely holding on for control.
“So c-close…” My eyes fall shut. So, so fucking close.
“Look at me,” he hisses, and my eyes snap open, zeroing in on him. The hard lines of his face, sweat coating his forehead, his muscles flexing with every thrust.
“I need you to come for me,” he says, thrusting harder. He’s not even bothering to pull out, just going deeper and deeper.
“Nixon…” I breathe, frustrated as the tension builds inside of me, but unable to find the release.
“Yas.” He buries his head in the crook of my neck, his teeth biting into the sensitive skin as he pushes inside me. He’s so deep our pelvises meet, my clit rubbing against him.
“There,” I say, so he does it again. Once, twice, on the third thrust he erupts inside of me, pulling me over the edge with him.
“Any plans for the weekend?” I ask a while later, my finger sliding over his smooth skin.
Somewhere in the meantime, night has fallen, but neither of us bothered to get up and close the shutters or turn on the light.
Nixon stiffens in my arms. It lasts barely a second, but I can feel him exhale slowly as if he’s trying to get a grip on himself before his body relaxes once again against mine.
“I’m going home.”
My heart squeezes, aching for him.
“How are they?” I ask softly, unsure if he wants to talk about it.
Seriously, is there a policy on how to ask your—friend, hookup, fuck buddy?—about his dying mother after you just had sex? If so, sign me up because I desperately need some guidance.
Nixon sighs, his arms tightening around me. I take it as a good sign, nuzzling more into his embrace. “Jade’s struggling. She doesn’t say it, but I can hear it in her voice.”
Just like I can hear it in his. I can’t even imagine how they must feel. Knowing, living, with a parent who is slowly dying right in front of your eyes.
I’m not sure Nixon even notices how he closes off at the mere mention of going home. It’s as if subconsciously he always wonders if this will be it. The last time he’ll see his mom. Will he even make it in time to say goodbye.
“And your mom?”
“She’s doing her best to cover it up, pretending it’s all normal, but I can hear how tired she is. Jade says she’s been sleeping more, eating less. She doesn’t even protest when Jade or one of the nurses helps her upstairs. The nurses have suggested we turn one of the downstairs rooms into a bedroom for when…”
He gulps, his voice drifting off.
For when she can no longer climb the stairs by herself, my mind supplies the words he can’t say himself.
I tighten my grip around his middle, offering him silent support. We fall silent for a while, each one lost to our own thoughts.
“You should tell somebody.”
Nixon shifts, looking down at me. “I’m telling you now, aren’t I?”
“It’s not the same, and you know it.”
I turn to my stomach, propping my chin on my hands to look at him.
“They wouldn’t understand. Hayden’s mom left him when shit got tough, Zane’s mom is a druggie, and Maddox… His parents are difficult in their own way.”
“You don’t need them to understand. You need them to listen.”
“Maybe,” he says.
I can see him pulling away. I could try to pressure him, but I decide to give in, for now.
“I wish you could come.”
“Me?” My brows furrow in confusion. “What for?”
He looks away, shrugging. “I don’t remember the last time I heard them laugh. Not like the day you were there.”
His words are like a punch to my gut.
“I—” I start, but I’m at a loss for words. What do you say to something like that? I want to help, I want to ease the pain he’s feeling, but to go to his house when they’re already dealing with so much?
Nixon presses his finger against my lips. “You don’t have to say anything. I know you’re busy with your own things. It’s okay. It was just a silly idea.”
Wrapping my fingers against his wrist, I move it away so I can cup his cheek. My finger swipes over his skin, feeling the rough stubble under my touch. “I wish I could come.”
And it’s the truth. A truth that, just a few months ago, I wouldn’t have thought possible. But I want this for him, for them.
Nixon turns to the side, placing a kiss in the middle of my palm. “Me too. But we both know wishing is futile. All we have is right here, right now. And we can only do the best we can with the time we have.”
I look out the window. The night is clear, and a dozen little twinkling lights are illuminating the sky.
“Have you ever wished on a shooting star?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“There is no power in wishing on shattered dreams falling off the sky.”
Silence settles over the room. It seems louder than any words. Maybe because Nixon’s still echo inside me.
Our eyes meet, gazes hold.
“So what do you want to do now?”
His fingers tangle in my hair, eyes falling to my lips. “I want to forget.”
So I let him. Leaning forward, I kiss him like the only thing we have is right now. Because deep down, I know it’s true.
Chapter Twenty-Six
NIXON
“You brought me to the beach.”
I turn to the side, catching a soft smile spreading over Mom’s lips at the sight of the ocean in the distance. She’s nestled in the passenger seat, a thick sweater and a blanket covering her. The heating is also turned to max, all the vents pointing in her direction. The car feels like a sauna, but she’s been feeling colder than usual.
Mom catches my gaze, her smile widening.
“Don’t even think about going wild and swimming,” I joke, my own mouth tipping in a grin as I return my attention to the road ahead.
It’s bittersweet, coming here. The beach has been one of our favorite places in the world. We’d come here every chance we could; it was our thing, something we did as a family.
Not that we have much of that left.
“Oh, I don’t know about that. I was just thinking about how refreshing it would be to jump in for a quick swim.”
“Now, you decide to go all rebel on us?” Jade asks, scooting forward so she can stick her head between the seats.
“I’ll have you know I’ve always been a rebel.”
“Oh, yeah? What was the most rebellious thing you did?”
“Well, one time there was this boy I really liked and…”