Chapter Twenty-Seven
YASMIN
What the hell are you doing, Yasmin?
It’s not the first time I’ve asked myself this exact same question, and I feel like it won’t be the last time either. But ever since I sneaked out of Nixon’s room on Wednesday morning, I haven’t been able to get his face out of my mind or erase the tone of his voice as we talked long into the night. I couldn’t forget the sadness he’s doing his best to keep safely hidden so nobody can see his suffering. But no matter how hard he tries to hide it, I can still see it. And I can’t let go. So here I am, sitting in my piece of a shit car after driving for over an hour and getting lost twice before I finally made my way here.
To Nixon’s home.
The lights are shining on the ground floor, and I can see people moving around inside the house.
Get the hell out or go away before somebody sees you, and they call the cops on you.
Sighing, I pull on my big girl panties. “It’s now or never, Yas.”
Pushing the door open, I grab my bag and get out. Slowly, I cross the distance and climb onto the front porch. The front door opens before I can even think to knock—or, you know, chicken out? Jade’s head peeks out, her eyes going wide in surprise. “Yasmin.”
“Hi.” I lift my hand in a small wave. My voice comes out squeaky, making me cringe.
Jade either doesn’t notice it or decides to ignore it. “Hey, what are you doing here?” She looks over her shoulder and shouts, “Nixon! Company.” Then she turns back to me. “I didn’t know you were coming.”
“Yeah, about that…”
But before I can finish, Nixon appears behind her, throwing a dishtowel over his shoulder. “What company? What are you…” His eyes land on me, words dying on his lips.
“Hi,” I repeat the whole awkward wave thing.
Seriously, what’s wrong with me? Could I be any weirder? This was such a bad idea. I shouldn’t be here…
“Hey,” Nixon greets me as he pulls to a stop and leans against the doorjamb. He’s dressed casually in a fitted white t-shirt and a pair of loose sweats. His hair is messy like he ran his fingers through it one too many times.
We stare at each other, neither of us saying anything. The tension filling the air is so thick it’s almost palpable.
Why isn’t he saying anything? Did he change his mind and doesn’t want me here any longer? I knew this was such a bad idea.
“Well, then.” From the corner of my eye, I can see Jade observing us with curiosity. “I guess I’ll leave you two to it.”
“This isn’t awkward at all,” I laugh as I watch Jade leave, but it’s strained.
Nixon shakes his head as if he’s snapping out of it. “No, you caught me by surprise, that’s all. I didn’t think you’d come here.”
I shift my weight from one foot to the other. “I can go if you’d rather…”
His hand catches mine, pulling me closer. Our chests brush together as I bump into him. I splay my hands on his firm pecs to steady myself, the heat of his skin warming me, even through the cotton barrier. Looking up, I find those light eyes watching me. They are more gray than blue now, tempestuous and haunted. Just like the sky before the storm.
His thumb brushes over the inside of my wrist, and I know that he can feel my wild heartbeat.
“Stay,” he whispers.
One word.
One fucking word.
The sweetest of prayers and the damnedest of curses.
Stay.
How can I say no to this man?
My tongue darts out to wet my suddenly dry lips. “Okay.” I nod my head and then repeat it. “Okay, I’ll stay.”
With one final brush of his fingers over my skin, Nixon pulls back and moves to the side to let me enter. Our shoulders brush as I pass next to him, the familiar rush of excitement shooting through my limbs.
I toe off my shoes in the foyer and take off my jacket before walking down the hallway.
“They’re in the living room,” Nixon offers quietly behind me.
I nod and follow the soft hum of a television coming from a few doors down.
“Yasmin!” As soon as she hears me, Nixon’s mom sits straighter in her seat, looking over the back of the couch at me. “Jade told me you’re here.”
“Hey, Mrs. Cole. How are you doing?” I ask as I enter. My smile falters a little at the sight of her, a vice grip squeezing around my heart and throat.
I’ve heard the stories, seen an occasional photo, but I’ve never seen a terminal cancer patient in real life. Until now.
The woman I met only weeks before is nothing like the one in front of me right now. She was skinny before, but now she’s all skin and bones. Her complexion is paler than before, almost to the point of translucence, cheeks hollow and swollen at the same time. She’s dressed in a thick blue sweater and covered in a blanket, but I can see the dark veins covering her hands.
The disease is slowly but surely eating her alive, and her kids have to watch it all play out, unable to do anything.
I didn’t think my heart could hurt more for Nixon and Jade, but I was wrong.
She waves her hand dismissively. “Nonsense, I told you to call me Helen.”
“Helen,” I correct, blinking once to chase the tears away.
“Today’s a good day.”
“Really?” I move closer, taking a seat on the couch opposite of her.
If this is what her good day looks like, I’m afraid of what the bad days are like.
“Yes, Nixon took us to the beach,” Jade explains, putting another blanket over her mother’s feet and taking a seat on the floor by her side.
Helen smiles. “They loved to go when they were little, so Kevin and I took them any chance we got.”
Jade visibly flinches at the mention of what I believe must be her father but doesn’t say anything.
“I still remember that one year, just after Jade was born. We took them to the beach. Nixon was so excited that he ran away and straight for the ocean, diaper and all.”
I laugh, the image of baby Nixon causing trouble even when he could barely walk coming to my mind.
“We barely got him out.”
“Him and his soggy diaper,” Jade adds, laughing.
“What are you all laughing about?” Nixon asks, coming to the living room. He stops behind me, his hands gripping the back of the couch.
I tilt my head back to look at him. “They’re telling me some funny stories, that’s all.”
“You’re not embarrassing me, are you?” He narrows his eyes at his mom and sister.
“We have yet to pull out the baby pictures,” Jade laughs, winking at me.
“Oh, yes please! I want to see all the baby pics.”
Nixon’s hands slide to my shoulders, giving me a warning squeeze, which only makes me laugh harder. “No baby pictures.”
“Yeah?” I cover his hands with mine, clasping them tight. “We’ll see about that. Jade, pictures. Run!” I don’t expect her to listen, but she does, jumping to her feet and bolting, I don’t even know where.
“Now you’ve done it.” He tries to go after her, but I tighten my grip on his hands. “Let me go.”