And a breath is exactly what I need right now.
I press my back against the wall, the cool touch of the wood just what I need to calm my erratic heartbeat.
I close my eyes, sucking in gulps of air, trying to get a sense of what the hell I was thinking almost letting Cooper kiss me.
Well, technically, I almost kissed him too.
Have I seriously had so much to drink tonight I’m that unaware of what I’m doing?
You wanted him to kiss you.
Another deep breath. A long exhale.
Repeat, repeat, repeat.
Just when I think I have my shit together, I feel him.
My eyes flutter open, and there he stands. Just out of reach. Staring at me with those hungry eyes again.
I brush my tongue over my lips, my mouth suddenly dry.
He tracks the movement with his gaze, swallowing roughly, throat bobbing.
Then, he takes a slow step toward me.
And another.
I don’t move.
Not when he reaches out and slips his fingers over my hips.
Not when he steps closer, fitting himself against me like he’s done it before.
And not even when he leans forward, running his nose along my jawline up to my ear.
He pauses. And we’re back to not moving.
I can feel his chest brushing against mine, can feel how hard his heart is beating. Mine is doing the same.
I don’t know how long we stay like this. How many songs pass, how many bodies move around us. How many times his fingers tighten and loosen on my waist, like he’s fighting with himself to do something or walk away.
I’m fighting too.
Someone jostles us and he’s forced to close that last gap of space between us.
I feel him.
Everywhere.
“Fuck,” I hear him mutter quietly.
It comes out somewhere between a curse and a plea.
I don’t know who moves first, but suddenly our mouths are fused together.
Cooper Bennett is kissing me, and I kiss him back.
I twine my arms around his neck, driving my fingers through his hair, pulling at the ends. Pulling him closer.
His mouth moves against mine like he was made for kissing me. His tongue darts out to slide across the seam of my lips, wasting no time. He pushes inside my mouth, kissing me expertly.
And I guess he is an expert. His experience is much greater than mine has ever been.
Is this seriously what I’ve been missing out on? Kisses like this?
His hands hold my hips tightly, pulling me in. Holding me close like he’s scared if he lets go even just a bit, I’ll run. Scared I’ll come right back down to earth and realize this is the worst idea ever.
Oh shit. What am I doing?
Like he can read my thoughts, Cooper wrenches his mouth from mine, and we both gasp for air.
He peers down at me, eyes hazy and filled with a combination of desire and confusion.
What the hell are we thinking?
We aren’t—that’s the problem.
We’re not thinking. We’re just acting.
And we’re ruining everything.
His brows crease together. His features crumple at the realization of what we just did.
“Caroline…”
I shake my head. “No.”
I shove past him.
This time, he doesn’t follow.
7
Cooper
As soon as I got a grip on myself after the world’s worst moment of weakness, I went in search of Caroline.
I couldn’t find her anywhere.
Not even Shayla had seen her to close out her tab.
Just when I was about to head outside and run down the streets looking for her, my phone buzzed in my pocket.
Caroline: I’m fine. In an Uber.
Caroline: We’ll talk tomorrow.
Except that was three days ago and we still haven’t spoken a word to each other.
I didn’t even bother drinking myself into a stupor after she left the bar. I closed our tab, told the guys good night, and took the long way home.
I don’t know how long I walked out in the cold alone, but no matter how long it was, it wasn’t enough to cool myself off from our kiss.
When I got home, her door was closed.
And it’s stayed that way since.
I got up early Saturday morning to talk with her, but she was already gone, a pot of fresh coffee in the brewer.
It’s as close to talking as we’ve come.
It’s Monday night, and even though she’s been home all day too, we’ve stayed in our own areas of the apartment.
I can hear her now. She’s sitting in the living room watching her TV show, giggling at something they’re saying.
I’m holed up in my room because it’s better than being out there with her.
How do I explain what the fuck I was thinking when I kissed her? When I danced with her? Hell, when I was looking at her like I was?
I’m scared to face her. Terrified to face what happened.
Afraid to face the reality that maybe friends isn’t all I want to be.
Fuck. I wish I had someone else to talk to about this. But no, I had to go and screw things up with the one person I’d normally be going to with my problems.
An email from work pops up in the corner of my computer screen.
I ignore it. I worked my ass off all weekend. I deserve a break.
Plus, it’s past five, so I’m technically off the clock.
Off the clock and fucking starving. My stomach growls for the fifth time in as many minutes.
I haven’t eaten since breakfast this morning when I had the place to myself. The egg whites I had are long since digested. I need food.
Now.
There’s a soft knock on my door, and my heart starts beating double time.
Caroline pushes my bedroom door open with more hesitation than she’s ever used, and that includes after she swore she caught me with a boner (she did) looking at porn (I was).
She stands just outside my room in a matching set of pajamas that have little books scattered all over them.
I almost laugh because that’s just who she is when it comes to her pajamas: either matching perfectly or not at all.
Her contacts out, the oversized glasses she hardly ever wears adorably cover her face. Her blonde hair that I now know feels just like what I imagine heaven to feel like is piled on top of her head in one of those intentionally messy buns girls like to wear.
One sock-clad foot is sitting atop the other as she fingers the ragged edges of her sleep top.
She looks as nervous as I feel.
I clear my throat. “What’s up?”
“Uh, hey,” she says quietly, not quite avoiding looking at me but not making eye contact either. “I was thinking about ordering some pizza and watching a movie. I wanted to know if you want to join me.”
I lift a brow. “Do you want me to join you?”
Her face twists. “Well, I am asking for a reason.”
Her eyes say, I miss my best friend.
And, fuck, I miss mine too.
“Then yes, I’m down for a movie and pizza night.”
“Good. Why don’t you order the pizza and I’ll pick out the movie?”
I laugh and push out of my chair. “Nice try. I’ll pick the movie, you order. I do not feel like watching some cheesy rom-com tonight.”
“I’m not really in the mood for romance right now.” Her cheeks go pink. “Kind of burned out on it.”