Shit. I was not a slammy person. I was for sure not a growly person. I didn’t like or want to be either of those things. A person my size couldn’t afford to be either of those things.
I needed to calm down, but I didn’t know how. My insides were throbbing with hurt, and it felt like everything I wanted was slipping away somehow. I wanted to yell at Toby, but I didn’t. I wanted to push him away, but I couldn’t bring myself to.
“For God’s sake, why did you come here, Toby?” The words came out like a whisper even though I wanted to yell.
Toby swallowed. “Well.” He licked his kiss-swollen lips carefully and watched me warily, like I’d asked a trick question. “I recall us discussing this already several times, precious. I came here because of a… a difficult situation.”
I nodded once and told myself this answer was no different than what I’d expected. “With two guys.”
He started to nod but stopped himself. “Actually, three, not including myself. It’s all… complicated.” Then he actually waved a hand, like the whole thing was so much water under the bridge, when he fucking knew it wasn’t.
“Then simplify it!” I demanded.
“What for?” Toby’s eyes blazed with sudden anger. “I understand you’re new to this, but if you’re done with me, Beale darling, you just say you’re done. That’s the polite thing to do. We don’t rehash every step of the past week just so you can feel better about choosing to end it, especially when we never made any promises to begin with. We’re both big boys who knew this wasn’t going to last very long. You’ve got a real soul mate headed your way, and I… well, I’ll find some other way to keep myself occupied, don’t you worry.”
He gave me a teasing smirk, and it was only much, much later that I’d ask myself if that expression ever reached his eyes. In the moment, I was so fucking infuriated he could say things like that when I could have sworn he cared about me, damn it—and yes, also because I was so jealous of every lucky man who’d take my place and bask in all those teasing smiles that should’ve been mine—that I, Beale glass-half-full Goodman, who prided himself on the way every negative emotion rolled right off my back, lost my ever-loving mind.
“You felt pretty fucking real to me,” I said, in a voice gone all gruff and scratchy, and then I kissed him again, deep and hungry, like this was the last time, because maybe it was.
Shockingly, Toby’s resistance melted away after the first second, and he threw his arms around me with a groan that sounded like a sob.
I stripped his shirt off in a rush and was only dimly aware when mine came off, too, because Toby raked his nails down my back. It was brutal and perfect. I bit down on the side of his neck, and his knees quaked, so of course I lifted him up, held him against me, and did it again.
I laid him out on the countertop like my own personal feast. I held his wrists to the smooth surface and sucked on his nipples, relishing every harsh inhalation and shuddering moan of my name. The skin over his abs was golden and gorgeous as it rippled beneath my lips.
I grabbed the waistband of his shorts with two hands, and without a word, Toby braced a foot on the counter so I could peel them down. They hit the floor with a loud thunk that said he might need another new cell phone. Oops.
He shivered when the bare skin of his ass hit the cold counter, and I murmured sympathy against the join of his thigh. Then I pushed his legs apart and pulled him toward me.
“Tell me you want this,” I murmured. My hands held his hips, and my thumbs traced circles mere inches from the root of his straining cock, but I wouldn’t go further unless he said for sure that he—
“Of course I do. Fuck, Beale. I always—oh, Jesus,” he sobbed, clunking his head back against the counter and grabbing my head in his hands as I sucked him into my mouth. I felt ultrapowerful and helpless at the same time because he was so goddamn beautiful and I wanted him endlessly.
The bitter salt tang of his precum was like a fucking aphrodisiac, and I went at him with shit tons of enthusiasm and zero finesse, but he didn’t seem to mind, if the restless motion of his legs and the bucking of his hips was anything to go by. He wanted to be in control, but he needed to realize he couldn’t be in charge of every-damn-thing.
I rolled his balls in my hand as I worked, and he slapped one hand to the countertop like he was counting down to a drum solo while he pulled my hair with the other. It was almost funny, but I didn’t feel like laughing. Instead, I popped off his dick and started jacking him with my hand. “I want inside you.”
Toby tried to focus his gaze on my face, but no matter how much he blinked, he couldn’t seem to get there. “Yeah,” he breathed. “Yeah.”
I uncapped the lube and pushed his legs back so I could see his hole. I worked his dick with one hand while I fingered him with the other, and every time I tagged his prostate, I watched in awe as wave after wave of bliss rolled across his beautiful face.
“Please, Beale,” Toby begged, and fuck, I just wished he could be half as honest in everything else as he was in this. I had deep feelings for this man—for some version of this man—and I didn’t know whether I was falling for the real one or my fantasy.
He wriggled off the counter and dropped to his knees, pulling my shorts down to my ankles. I couldn’t spread my legs far enough to account for our height difference, so I hunched over, grabbing the counter behind his head, and let him suck me fully hard… which took a ridiculously short amount of time. Then Toby grabbed the condom off the counter and rolled it on me.
I kissed him again briefly, then turned him around and pushed his chest to the counter where his back had been. I drizzled more lube over his hole, stretching his rim even further with my thumbs just because I enjoyed the sight so damn much. Toby pushed his ass back against my fingers and made greedy little “hunh hunh” whimpers that went straight to my cock, so I pulled his cheeks apart with two hands and slid my dick along his crease, giving myself the friction I needed.
“C’mon,” Toby said a few seconds later. “Come on, baby, please.”
“Baby” in that pleading voice sent a shiver through my whole body, and I couldn’t wait any longer. I lined myself up with his hole and slowly, slowly pushed inside.
“Yes. Yes. You. This. So good, Beale,” he moaned, spreading his hands out on the counter. He was warm and snug, and my entire body flushed hot as I entered him because I knew exactly what he meant. This—this feeling with this man and no other—was exactly what I wanted. Forever.
“Ah, Toby. Fuck, baby.” I stretched my arms out, too, so my palm fit over the back of his hands. When I threaded our fingers together, Toby curled his hands into fists, locking us tight, and I felt the anger and confusion leach out of me. At least for the moment, we were the only two people on the entire planet who mattered.
I fucked him hard, pistoning my hips, reveling in the earthy slap of flesh on flesh. Every drag of my cock against his prostate made Toby whine, and the knowledge that I was doing that to him, making him lose control, made me feel twelve feet tall. I reached around him and grabbed his poor, neglected dick, jerking him in time to my thrusts.
“Say my name,” I instructed. “Say it.”