“My sister would have enjoyed going to school, and I’m sorry she never got that, even if the circle of friends might have been small. Some of my favorite memories are from when I was in school.”
“Holden spoke about school, and I remember being jealous because the boy’s Academy seemed so much more interesting than the girl’s.”
He shrugged as he looked over at me. “I can’t say I’m surprised.” His smile turned crooked, and I had to wonder where his thoughts had gone. “Holden and I have plenty of stories from our time there, but I can’t imagine the girl’s school would have been allowed certain freedoms.”
Just another reminder of the different expectations based on our genders. Girls had vaginas, and that meant all we were capable of was poise and kissing babies, while the boys were taught to lead. “I can only imagine. Your graduate ball was thrilling enough." I laughed, but it was breathless as his eyes held mine.
"Yes," he murmured with a nod as he turned his head to look away from me. "He spoke about inviting you. He was relieved he didn’t need to consider who might be an appropriate date.” The glow of the moon outlined his strong profile, which held a bitter sadness I wished I could ease. “We never met, but I remember telling him when you’d arrived.”
“I'm sorry we didn’t meet." Without expounding, I continued, "I had to leave early."
He stepped back, finally releasing my hand, and it was training alone that stopped me from stepping into his arms and wrapping myself around his strong form. When he spoke, it was a barely heard whisper, "Yes, so I was informed. I was very sorry to hear of your mother’s illness.”
Despite the melancholy reminder, I chuckled at the one truth I knew more than anything. "It appears Holden spoke true. You are very controlled, aren't you, Aric?" I smiled when his gaze cut back to mine, those eyes growing defensive and wary with my observation.
With that one glance, I knew my words could send that control spiraling. The defiant part of me, which I’d worked to suppress in all my years since puberty, speared up. If I was to marry and live a life devoid of love, then why couldn’t I have a single moment when I felt wanted? I desired a moment to be no one but me. No titles and no responsibilities. No duties and no future.
I licked my lips, parting them slightly with a small sigh. His eyes traveled down, fixated on the parting of my mouth. The same hunger I saw in his eyes churned deep within me. But when I stepped forward to do something about it, he held a hand to stop me. "My control only goes so far."
His jaw clenched and my lips curved upward, his words a confirmation that his desire matched my own. A hint of guilt tugged at the back of my mind, reminding me that it would be cruel to toy with a man who wanted me. That using him for my own selfish desires made me no better than the men who did the same to women. But my pending engagement was no secret, and two consenting adults could enjoy a moment of passion without expectations for the future.
Right?
Watching him struggle with the tethers of his control served as the greatest boost to confidence I could have asked for. "And what would you do if I asked you to snap free of that control?"
When he laughed, it was a bitter, self-deprecating sound. "You don’t know what you’re asking of me. You’re too pure a soul for the things a man like me would do to you.”
He couldn’t know that I was all too willing to walk toward the dark, and allow my soul to be captured by the shadows that swirled around him so mysteriously.
It was a challenge and one I was more than happy to meet head-on. I might have looked the part of a delicate and innocent woman but I was determined to prove I had a backbone of steel. I stepped into his space, near enough that I could grasp the lapel of his well-fitted suit. "Pure can be so overrated. Let me feel what it’s like to be engulfed by darkness."
Reaching up to grab a fistful of his hair, I pulled his head down so his lips could meet mine. His hands grasped my shoulders, halting our collision when our lips were only a breath apart. With our eyes pinned to one another, his green clashed against my amber. His control strained against my desire. His darkness threatened to swallow my light.
The moment his control snapped felt audible, like a twig stepped on in the silence of the forest at night. Like he had been set free, he let me crash my mouth against his. Muscular arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me tight. The contrast of his hardness against my soft femininity drove me higher, as I let myself feel the desire arching between us.
For that moment, I was no one but a woman held in the arms of a man who wanted her.
His tongue coaxed me to open my lips for him, and I did so willingly, like a drowning woman desperate for a gasp of air. As the flavor of him exploded in my mouth, it was the ocean I tasted first, salty and fresh, just like the breeze that wafted over the waves and in from the coast, wrapping around us. Close at its heels came the sharp bite of scotch.
One of his hands reached down to grab one of mine, then I turned mine around so our fingers could interlock. I slid my other hand from his hair, running it down his neck before I gripped his shoulder for balance as I lost my own; my world tilted on its axis from having my lips, my body and my very soul assaulted by exhilarating pleasure. When we paused for breath, I opened my eyes just in time to see him staring straight at me.
With that stare, I felt bare before him in a way I’d never been with any other. He smiled and pulled me closer still against him. "I'll burn in Hell for this."
“Worth it,” I expelled with a breath.
He laughed and touched his forehead against mine, a sweet moment of intimacy that rocked me to my core. “One more.”
The breath caught at the back of my throat when his mouth touched mine once more. With only the release of a long mewling sound, I allowed myself to continue drowning in him.
5
Aric
She was as sweet as I’d known she would be. But I could not have expected how passionately she met the demands of my mouth with her own. With one touch, she was a burning flame within my arms. A woman I’d wanted from afar, finally searing the memory of herself into my brain. There to stay forever.
To get me through the days and nights of loneliness that would come after she left.
I would burn in Hell for taking something I should not have even dreamed of. My hands tightened on her waist, and in that moment, I’d have done anything to keep her with me. But the nagging voice in my head warned me to let go before it was too late.
Before I couldn’t turn back from the need to make her mine.
Burning my hand in her thick, lush red hair, I pulled her closer to me until we were as near one entity as we could be. Bristol’s whimper was part plea, part desire, and all woman.
It roared in my mind like a wake-up call, sending me sprawling away from her. My hand, buried into her hair, felt a prison closing around me. I pulled back, cursing when something caught the strands and kept me locked to her, when all I needed was to flee.
With a shy smile, she reached up to pull at it gently. The moment I was freed, I took back my hand and stared at the ring I had inherited from my father when he died.
Lantis’s crest.
The heavy weight of responsibility represented by that symbol stared at me as my entire body heated through, as though irons had scalded me. That was the moment my own personal Hell settled over me once again.