I knew a thing or two about loving someone who saw themselves as irredeemable. I’d watched Smith struggle to become the man he was today. But I didn’t just learn to love him despite the beast inside him, I learned to love the beast, too.
“I kinda think you need to take your own advice,” Edward said meaningfully.
“I do now, huh?” I shifted, moving Penny onto my other shoulder.
“Stop beating yourself up. Stop punishing yourself. And stop punishing Smith.”
“I don’t see what that has to do with—”
“You’re punishing him for loving you,” Edward murmured. “I can see it. You’re hurting. You’re not yourself. I have faith that you’re going to find yourself again. So does Smith. That’s why he called me. He would do anything for you.
“He’s keeping secrets from me,” I told him.
“Word of advice? Just ask him about them,” Edward said. “Don’t make that mistake. And stop believing the lies your depression is telling you. You deserve love. You deserve magic. You deserve the happily-ever-after.”
I wanted that to be true more than anything. Maybe I couldn’t believe it now, but I was determined to find my way back to myself, to Smith, to Penny. Because I wanted my happily-ever-after, and I was ready to fight for it.
23
Smith
After another dinner, it was clear that Edward had been right about winning over Mrs. Winters. His praise of her roast chicken had actually made her blush, and he was either talking a good game about learning how to cook or he meant it. I couldn’t be sure which.
Since his arrival, the atmosphere in the house felt lighter. I couldn’t deny that he’d put everyone in a good mood, particularly my wife.
Part of me resented the easy banter he had with Belle. It felt like a lifetime since I’d heard her laugh. But that was only a small, petty piece of me. Honestly, I was relieved. Nora had left to spend Christmas with her family and would be gone for a few days, so I rose as Mrs. Winters came to clear the plates and announced my intention to go check on Penny.
Before I could step away from the table, Edward jumped up, glaring at Belle “Let me do it,” he said. "I haven’t gotten enough one-on-one time with the new girl in my life.”
“I’ve got it.” I waved off the offer. I’d asked him to come here to look after Belle, and he was doing an excellent job of it. I couldn’t expect him to fill in for the nanny, too.
But to my surprise, Belle piped up.
“I wouldn’t fight him on it,” she told me. “He thinks Penny hung the moon, and I’m pretty sure she thinks Uncle Edward is the moon.”
This wasn’t news to me. The two of them had spent the last couple of days popping about town, coming home with arms loaded with packages, and I hadn’t heard a whisper of trouble despite the fact that they took the baby almost every trip. Maybe Edward had a magic touch that extended not only to his best friend, but to our daughter, as well. I found myself grateful that he was here, even though Belle preferred his company to my own.
“Are you certain?” There had to be something a grown man wanted to do more than babysit.
Edward headed toward the door, pausing to clap one hand on my shoulder. He leaned closer, lowering his voice to a whisper, “I think you two could use some alone time.”
I wasn’t sure if it was a suggestion or a threat. Alone time with my wife sounded incredible. Too good to be true, really. Of course, it was just as likely that she wanted to have it out with me in private. I wasn’t certain that Edward was in the mood to fix many marital issues these days so it was hard to know.
He reached down and swiped the baby monitor from the table. “I’ve got this.” He waved it at us before heading out of the dining room towards the stairs.
After he’d gone, I stood, feeling foolish, as I waited for Belle to tell me what she expected. I had no idea when this had happened to us. It didn’t seem that long ago that we were going about our lives, colliding together with passion at night or whenever we found a spare second, and working together towards a shared vision of our future. Now, I found myself uncertain of what step to take. I didn’t want to scare her away. I didn’t want to hurt her more than she was already hurting. I couldn’t handle another moment of seeing her in pain.
Belle remained silent for a moment, and I could see wheels turning behind her eyes. She hadn’t planned this, that much was clear. Edward had put her on the spot. Now she had to decide what to do. Finally, she stood, adjusting her cashmere sweater, her eyes trained on the floor. She didn’t say anything. Instead, she crossed the room. I expected her to leave. Apparently we still weren’t on speaking terms. But rather than go directly to the doorway, she paused and extended her hand.
I cocked my head, sending an unspoken question: was she sure?
Her hand remained out, and I took it. Neither of us spoke as we climbed the stairs. When we reached the top, we could hear Edward singing to Penny in the nursery. Belle smiled before pulling me towards our bedroom.
I’d taken charge for most of our relationship, but tonight, I allowed her to lead me to our bed. I wouldn’t make assumptions. I wouldn’t make mistakes. I couldn’t risk pushing her any farther away from me than she already was.
"You got me here, beautiful. Now what are you going to do with me?” I asked her. I still didn’t move.
Belle’s eyes narrowed into slants before her palms spread across my chest. There was a longing to the touch that I recognized, but almost as quickly, she threw her weight behind them, pushing me down onto the mattress. I watched greedily as she climbed onto my lap, straddling my groin. Her arm looped around my neck, her fingers tangling in my hair before yanking my head back. Belle lowered her face over mine, her lips a breath away, close enough to kiss—and still I waited.
“You seem to suddenly be inflicted with patience,” she purred.
“I just want to be whatever you need me to be,” I said gruffly.
“Then be my man,” she commanded, leaving no doubt of what she wanted.
She didn’t have to ask twice. The hands I’d kept at my sides lashed out grabbing her by the hips and flipping her onto the bed. I’d made love to her the other night, gently calling her back to me. Why had I thought that would work? We had to fight like hell for each other and that’s what made us unbreakable—our love was forged in fire. We needed this. We needed the hard. We needed to show each other that we could take it all again and again and again. I jerked her sweater up, not bothering to pull it off entirely, which left her arms trapped by it over her head as I captured her mouth. Belle moaned against me, the tip of her tongue lashing across my teeth.
We needed each other. We loved each other. That was all that mattered. We could work through everything, as long as we kept showing up. As long as at the end of the day she held out her hand. As long as every night, I took her to bed. We just had to keep committing.
“I need you in my fucking mouth,” I growled, cruising my lips down her neck to dip between the valley of her collarbone. My hand slid behind her, unclasping her bra with one smooth motion to free her swollen breasts. This wasn’t like the last time. Belle arched into the contact, offering more of herself with each touch. The message was clear. We were here, and that was all that mattered. I coasted to her nipple, swirling my tongue around its furl until it plumped into a hard pebble, then I nipped it ever so slightly. One tiny drop of milk beaded across it and Belle’s eyes widened with sudden embarrassment. Not breaking eye contact, I swiped my tongue along the top of it. Then I licked my lips.