“In for a visit?” Thomas asked as he showed us to what he called the best seat in the house. Given that the house was empty, any seat would do. I couldn’t help worrying a little that despite Tomas’s obvious talent, the villagers of Briarshead didn’t appreciate the restaurant for what it could offer them.
“I just got back into town,” Edward said a bit dryly, he shot me a look over Tomas’s shoulder as if to say is this really happening?
“Staying for the holidays?”
“Yeah, although not sure there will be much excitement,” Edward said, directing his teasing at me. “My best friend suddenly spends all day with the baby and falls asleep by nine. It’s not going to be quite the same holiday season as last year.”
I waited for Edward to piece together what he had just said. Every time Christmas and the holidays had come up there was a momentary pause, and even though he didn’t always say anything, I knew he was thinking of last year. Life had been different then. We’d been in Scotland planning his surprise wedding to David. Now David was gone and he’d left a legacy of tragedy in his wake. But whether Edward was too distracted—puzzling out if Tomas was purposefully playing dumb or really didn’t know who he was— his good mood seemed to return.
“Well, if you get bored, come down here and have a pint with me,” Tomas offered. “The village does tend to settle down in the evenings, but there’s a pub that stays open late enough. It’s warm. Although the food’s not as good as mine, so you might have to convince me to open the kitchen back up if we drink too much.”
“Speaking of.” I took the chance to interrupt whatever was happening between the two of them. “Can we have some of those stuffed dates?”
“Coming right up, but I’m choosing the rest of your meal,” Tomas said mischievously.
“But I wanted the fish and chips,” I said in a dry voice.
His only answer was a groan as he stomped back to the kitchen, pretending to be upset.
Across from me, Edward raised an eyebrow.
“His culinary skills are lost on the people here,” I explained to my friend. “Also, the first time I met him, I thought he was flirting with me, but…”
“He just asked me out for a drink,” Edward said, grinning despite himself.
“I’ve been out of the game too long,” I said, shaking my head. “I didn’t realize he’s gay.”
“You’re just distracted,” he said reassuringly. “You mistook his obvious good taste and thus interest in you for being interested in you.”
“Is that it?” I found myself laughing. That was a mistake, because Penny stirred, letting out a kitten-like cry of frustration before burying her nose back and forth in Edward’s shoulder.
“I think that means she wants you,” he said, passing her to me.
It took a couple of tries to get her on the breast. She seemed more frustrated than usual, leaving me feeling frustrated as well. But having Edward with me made it easier. He distracted me by telling me ridiculous stories about his time in Italy. It turns out that while he took a cooking class, he couldn’t claim to be a good cook by any measurable standard. In fact, judging from the stories, he seemed to have a natural aversion to cooking.
Tomas joined us, bringing a half dozen artfully arranged dates, wrapped in bacon, on a plate. He paused to take a seat to listen to the end of a disastrous tale that involved Edward mistaking sugar for salt in a recipe.
“I think you better let me do the cooking,” he said.
“What about me?” I asked, finally relaxed as Penny nursed.
“You’re too fabulous to cook,” Tomas said with the air of a man who recognized such things. “If you don’t have a cook of your own, I’ll come to be your cook.”
“I don’t think Mrs. Winters is going anywhere,” I said.
“Abigail?” Tomas repeated. “I didn’t know she took a position.”
“You know her?” It was a silly thing to ask. Of course he knew her. Everyone knew everyone in Briarshead. That was what happened when you lived in a small village.
“Sure,” he said. “The Winters family has lived here nearly as long as my family has. She went off for a while, worked at some houses in London, and then she came back here. She definitely keeps to herself.”
“Unless she has an opinion on what you’re doing,” I said dryly.
“I think you’ll find most of the people in the village will let you know if they have an opinion on what you’re doing.” He smirked as he stood up. “I better go get lunch going. I need to make sure he eats. It sounds better if we don’t allow him to cook.”
As soon just as he disappeared to the back I waggled my eyebrows at Edward. “What do you think?”
“About what?”
“He’s cute,” I pressed. He was more than cute, Tomas was hot. I thought he was attractive the first time I’d met him, but suffering under the delusion that he was hitting on me had left me careful to keep my eyes to myself. Since I found out there was no harm, I could take a better look. “You two would be adorable together.”
Edward answered with a tight smile. “I’m not ready for that.”
"Sorry,” I said, instantly feeling terrible. “That was insensitive to me.
“I guess there’s no right way or wrong way to do this. It’s not like I can tell you when I’ll be ready,” he said, suddenly sounding glum. “I won’t know until I am.”
“Until then, I’ll go for a pint with you anytime,” I offered.
"I might go for a quick drink,” Edward said, the hint of a smile on his lips. “Especially if he’s willing to cook for me. He’s right. I’m totally rubbish at it.”
We spent the rest of the afternoon catching up. As we finished the gigantic slice of chocolate cake Tomas brought us before disappearing to prep dinner, Edward poked at a few crumbs with his fork.
“I think I would’ve forgiven him,” he said in a quiet voice.
“What?” I asked, not sure I heard him correctly.
“You asked me what I was going to say that day in London. That’s the worst part,” he admitted. “I think I would’ve forgiven him if he told me. I would’ve tried to help. I don’t know what I could’ve done. I keep thinking about it. Why didn’t he tell me?”
“Maybe he didn’t want to put you in that situation,” I offered gently. I scooped a bit of chocolate frosting onto my fork and deposited in my mouth. We might need a second slice of cake for this discussion.
“I tell myself that. I tell myself that he wanted to tell me. But it doesn’t change the fact that he didn’t. It doesn’t change what he did to Clara or Alexander. It doesn’t change what he was willing to do to William.” Edward swallowed hard. “That’s why I can’t see them. Because I’m angry that I didn’t get to say goodbye to my husband. I’m angry because Alexander took him from me. But I also feel guilty every time I think about my nephew. I should’ve known. I should have protected him and Clara. What would’ve happened if they hadn’t found her?”
I reached a hand across the table taking his in mine and squeezed it. “But they did find them,” I said in a soft voice. “They're healthy. They’re safe. You can’t punish yourself for the choices that he made. And you should never, ever feel badly for loving someone, even if they didn’t deserve you. That’s their mistake, not yours.”