“You know you want to call me Daddy,” Lawrie winked at her.
“I’m going to bring out two-dozen special red velvet cupcakes, and for them to remain in the box you are going to have to shut your filthy mouth. And you owe me ninety-six pounds.” She turned to me, “Queen Mya, your lemonade and cake are on the house. Welcome to Gnarly Fell. I’ll give you a leaflet for in case you ever want to book a table or order a takeout or delivery.”
“I can have these cupcakes delivered?” My mouth dropped open.
“Of course.”
“Suddenly I don’t regret my death. I have a reason for existing in my undead life.” I got up from my seat. “Thank you, Callie. Thank you for your kind welcome and the gorgeous cupcakes.”
“It’s good to see some vampires have perfect manners and the art of appreciation.”
“I’ve been doing a lot of appreciating your talents,” Lawrie snickered.
“Get your money out, and given your appalling lechery, please make sure it’s a roll of notes you take out of your pocket to pay with.” I grimaced at Callie. “I’m sorry for my father. Can’t take him anywhere it seems.”
“It’s not the first time he’s been here annoying me and unfortunately it probably won’t be the last.”
“Really?” I raised a brow at Lawrie.
He handed five twenty-pound notes to Callie and she went back to the counter after he told her to keep the change.
“So you don’t think all of Gnarly Fell is dull then?” I commented.
“It’s all dull as fuck like I said. Especially her, she’s the dullest of them all. Now vampire stuff. Let’s go over a few things because I need to talk with Death and then get home. Things to do, people to drain and all that.”
After he’d given me a brief guide to being a newly made vampire and reminded me of which things I’d read about in books or seen in television were actually true and which were not, Lawrie took his cupcakes and with barely a goodbye, whizzed off up to the house to call to see Death.
I discovered from my giddy head and Lawrie, that a sugar rush was still achievable as a vampire. The blood and sugar had made me feel entirely fabulous, and armed with my mental shopping list, I went into Seconds the Best. The shop was enormous, taking over two buildings and spread out over two floors. A sign in the entrance declared that furniture was downstairs, while upstairs were clothes, shoes, books and toys.
A lovely smell of old things pervaded my senses. Very different to my new home, where the only thing pervading my nose was dust.
Twin sisters stood behind the desk. They were identical in every way, except one had blonde hair and one had brown.
“Queen Mya?” they both asked at the same time.
I nodded, “Yes, how did you know?”
“You are the only female with permission to visit today,” they both said again.
“Do you always talk together?” I asked.
“Not always,” they said together, “but a lot of the time.”
Okay then.
“Well, yes, I’m Mya and you are…?”
“Milly,” the blonde said.
“Tilly,” the brunette added.
“Well, I’m hopefully going to purchase a few things. Is it okay if I have a look around and then let you know what I want?”
“There are fitting rooms upstairs. Bring down any clothes you’d like to purchase or lay them over the chair outside of it,” Milly said.
“Here are some blue post-its. If you see anything you want from the furniture department, place a sticker on it. They’re extra sticky and won’t fall off. We had them bewitched,” Tilly explained.
“Right, well then, ladies, I’ll go explore,” I headed towards the staircase in the middle of the store. I’d do clothes and shoes first so I could get my head around the weirdo twins who looked and sounded like robots. After I’d finished here, I’d hit the hardware store and then I’d go back to the house. I hoped whoever ran the hardware store was more like Callie. The twins freaked me out a bit. As I turned at the top of the stairs to walk towards the clothes racks, I caught the eye of them both, looking up from the floor below. They each raised a hand in unison in a wave. Even loving all things supe, I’d never done well with creepy dolls and they were like freaky Barbies.
It looked like Gnarly Fell was an acquired taste, unlike the cupcake I’d enjoyed.
Mya
There were a lot of clothes upstairs, all sorted into sizes, and they were actually not only in fabulous condition, but smelled divine. And a lot was designer too. I took things into the changing room, and over the next hour, the pile on the chair became higher, to the point where I actually had to move another chair next to it. I agree, I thought as I admired a black t-shirt in the mirror that said ‘Shopping is my cardio’ in gold lettering.
I didn’t feel I could have all these things sent to Wayward Souls without adding a couple of things for Death. But as I browsed through the racks, I realised I didn’t know his clothes size.
“Huh, what size would Death be in clothing?” I said aloud.
“We know.”
I startled as the duet called out from behind me. If I hadn’t already been dead, this would have killed me.
I turned to face them.
“We source his clothing. We have to order them and have them sent here.”
“Yeah, I’m wanting to get him a thank you gift, something he can relax in, in an evening.”
“We have just the thing.” They walked over to the rack and Tilly brought out a crimson velvet smoking jacket while Milly pulled out matching bottoms. “These are in his size.”
I was starting to get used to them talking as one. “That’s perfect, thank you. Now I want to get him a couple of pairs of trousers, one navy and one cream; two white shirts; a pale-blue shirt; two white t-shirts; and two sweaters, again a navy one and a grey one.”
They stared at each other and then looked back at me. “But that’s not what he wears. We should ask him, because the customer is always right.”
“And I’m the customer. I’m paying for them with the card in my purse,” I informed them. “If he doesn’t like them, I can always bring them back.”
They shook their head. “We hate that, because we’re seconds the best, not thirds.”
“He’ll like them anyway, so it’s not an issue.” I tried to keep myself calm.
“We will get what you asked and take everything to the till.”
“Thank you. I’ll go downstairs now and look around at furniture.” I decided to leave shoes for another day.
“Wayward Souls already has furniture.”
“It does and some of it is lovely,” I lied, having not looked at it closely enough. “But some of it needs replacing or revamping.”
“Revamping is good.”
“Actually, I’ll call back tomorrow for furniture. If you could just take care of the clothing items for today.”
“As you wish.”
I needed out of here. One person’s judgement would be annoying enough but here it came in stereo.
Though I could have carried my purchases with my strength and whizzed it back to Wayward, I didn’t know if I’d accidentally drop it during my travels or puke all over it when I landed, so I arranged for it to be delivered and I headed on down to the hardware store after asking the twins where it was.