“You reading the back of a leaflet again?” I quipped. He turned around and laughed, but I found myself not laughing along with him. Quite the opposite in fact. His pale skin seemed almost luminous in the warm glow of the lights and as he’d grinned, he’d reminded me of a vampire. I really needed to stop watching so many episodes of Buffy.
“They sell excellent real ale here apparently,” he said, and that switched my mind onto the idea of a tasty ale and away from my date’s waxwork look. If I did take him home, it was all lights on or off. No subtle candlelight or bedside lamps making him look waxy and more like a sex doll or cadaver.
I didn’t know what it was from that point on, but Lawrie seemed to have an underlying tension to him, as if I’d royally fucked him off in some way but he didn’t want to call me out on it.
The conversation between us continued pleasantly, and on the surface things were fine, but I was ready to call it a night after one drink. When they called last orders, I was relieved.
“Any last requests?” Lawrie asked, looking bemused by his question.
“No, I’m fine, thank you. I’m ready to go home. I have work early tomorrow.”
“Fair enough. I’ll accompany you to the Blackfriars Tube then and say goodnight.”
“Thank you.” Though I could make my own way, his tone seemed insistent. I figured I could put up with him long enough to get to the Tube station. I couldn’t pinpoint exactly when this date had gone so awry, but I just had a gut feeling that he wasn’t for me. That he wasn’t as nice as he appeared.
We exited the bar. “They call this street Wine Office Court,” Lawrie said, and I walked with him down the alleyway, passing a number of commercial looking buildings. Even him explaining facts was annoying me now. We were just passing a cycle rack and I was about to ask if this really was the quickest way to the Tube when out of seemingly nowhere, I found myself in a dark corner of a building with cold icy hands around my neck and my head being tilted to the side.
“Well, I’d hoped you might be a future consort for me, but for some reason you were quite resistant to my thrall. I didn’t particularly care for you comparing me to a waxwork either. So, instead, you can be my dessert wine to finish the evening off.”
I was still trying to get my head around what was happening to me when Broody appeared out of the shadows.
“Oh my g- god. Am I g- going to be gangbanged?” I asked. I realised that I could get out of Lawrie’s hold then and so I slipped down and away from him.
“Either stand over there, Mya, or sit if you prefer with the shock. I’ll explain what’s happening.” Broody ordered.
Unfortunately, although my head screamed ‘run away as fast as you can’, my knees were knocking like a delivery man who refused to give up even though he could hear the shower running. So I did as suggested and sat down in the corner. Broody seemed helpful. I felt like I could trust him. I noted that my fantasies about a three-way with these two from earlier this morning were not going as planned in reality.
Lawrie unfroze and sighed in Broody’s direction. “Oh fabulous. Some do-gooder came to save the girl.” His mouth formed a rictus grin, “Do you know who I am?” He said and fangs descended.
“The fuck?” I managed to utter.
“Oh, yes, sorry, darling. Maybe I should have told you on our date. I’m Lawrence Letwine, and I’m a vampire.”
Oh my god, I thought he looked like a vampire. But they aren’t real. I’ve clearly fallen and banged my head.
He then sniggered, “My goodness your thoughts are dull.”
Of course. If he was a vampire, he could read my mind.
Lawrie clapped his hands together slowly, “The woman gets it.” He turned back to Broody. “Or rather, she will when you fuck off. So this is how it’s going to go, hero of the hour. You can either leave me and the lady to it and live, or you can both die. I don’t mind either way. I’m sure I can call a friend to share this evening’s snacks.”
“Save yourself,” I told my would-be saviour, Broody. If this was to be my end, I would go out with an act of valour so I could be awarded some kind of honour posthumously. They might even rename this street after me.
“Rename the street for your bravery?” Lawrie scoffed. “What? Bookstore Assistant Walk? No one Loves Me Lane?”
“Eat a bag of dicks,” I hollered.
That Joker style grin was back. “No, my darling. I’m going to eat you.”
“Well, thank the lord at least it’s my neck you’ll be feasting on and not my pussy because with how you slurped that ice cream, I do not want you anywhere near my private parts.” I mimicked him slurping. The vamp made a move towards me again, but once more froze in place.
His head tilted, his eyes flashing red, as he appraised Broody. “What did you do? Why can I not move my feet? Is this some parlour trick?”
Broody pulled up the hood of his leather cloak. Darkness from the hood made his face become nothing but shadows and then a skeletal head appeared.
“Don’t you know who I am?” A scythe appeared in Broody’s hand as he laughed at the vampire.
As I came face to face with Death, I felt my sight dim until darkness consumed me.
Death
The vampire wasn’t looking as smug now. Rather he was shaking. I watched as poor Mya passed out on the floor, but I couldn’t assist her right now. I had Lawrence to deal with.
“I already d- died once. It was horrific. I don’t want to die again. I’ll do anything. Please let me go.” Lawrie was genuinely nervous. Most vampire killings were heinous, with the human victim treated like prime rib thrown into the jail cell of a starving convict on a hunger strike.
“It all depends on the lady lying there,” I told him. “When she comes round we’re going to have a little chat and your future undead life hangs in the balance based on her decision. Do you think she’ll save you or sacrifice you? Gosh, this is So. Much. Fun.” I moved towards Mya. “I’ll just tell you now that none of your vampire skills will work until the decision is made. I’ve paused them all. So don’t even think about escaping. You can’t outrun Death. Your feet are frozen to the floor just in case you fancied trying.”
I peeled my hood back so my human face appeared once again and I dropped to the floor and placed Mya’s head onto my knees.
Slowly she came to, a frown line appearing between her brows as her eyes met mine.
“Am I in the bookstore? I had the strangest dream.”
I helped her to sit up and then she realised it hadn’t been a dream. She sprang to her feet.
“Oh no. This is not my life. I am not standing with a vampire and Death. No, no, no, no, no!”
“I’m sorry, Mya, but you are.” My tone dropped to what I hoped was a soothing one. As she tried to run past me, I touched her arm and she became rooted to the spot.
“Please, no,” she whimpered, as a tear fell from her right eye. I watched as it ran off her chin and soaked into her pale-blue top.
“You can’t outrun Death, Mya,” I told her, “but for you, there is a choice of where you go.”
“S- so I am going to die tonight? It’s my t- time?” She asked, her lower lip trembling.