"I'm not sure I am willing to part with our Walker," Josiah muttered. Hope coursed through me, and I smiled.
"Oh, nonsense!" Linda interrupted. "I was just telling Josiah the other day that your peach orchids in Dormas are simply divine. What about a seasonal freight full of peaches this year? I think they would sell well here in Galla.”
Peaches. I was worth a shipment of peaches to this woman. My face fell.
"Is this acceptable to you, Josiah? Are you willing to part with your Walker for a crate of… peaches?" Cyler asked lightheartedly, but the phrasing made it abundantly clear. He wanted to know what my worth was. My heart thumped so loudly in my chest that my ears rang in time to my internal conflict. I wanted badly for Josiah to fight for me. Despite our socioeconomic differences, I wanted, no, needed to know that he felt even just an ounce of the affection I felt. —that my leaving would affect him in some way. But instead, he crushed my hopes and my heart with five little words.
"Increase your gold by a quarter," Josiah whispered.
Pain radiated through me in waves of disappointment, and I stifled a sob. Memories of my childhood danced in my mind.
Of Josiah holding my hand and whispering tall tales in my ear.
Of our late nights.
Of his smile.
Each memory was now overwhelmed by his betrayal.
"That is quite a steep cost for one Walker. For that amount, I could buy vaccinations for ten Walkers in the Zone” Cyler announced, ignoring me.
Meanwhile, I noticed Mistress Black looking at me with a menacing grin. It appeared my departure made her all too happy. Perhaps the feelings between Josiah and I were more apparent than we realized.
"I agree that it is a steep cost, but Ash isn't just any Walker, and I think you've realized that," Josiah announced.
I pleaded with my eyes for Josiah to show some sadness at the thought of me leaving. But, each passing moment that he remained quiet, each tick of the clock, made me further lose hope that the man I loved actually loved me back. How could he let me go?
"Well, I guess it’s a deal, then.” Cyler clapped his hands together. “Oh goodness, forgive my manners. I didn't even ask if the sweet gal wanted to come with me to Dormas,” Cyler added with a grin. He pulled my hand into his lap, forcing me to bend over so that we were eye level.
"So, what will it be, sweetheart? Dormas doesn't have the buildings or fancy technology of Galla. We live a simple life.” He brushed his rough hands over mine. “I’d love to have your cooking in my belly every night, and I think you could help me bridge relations with our new immigrants.” Cyler made it sound more like a marriage proposal than a request for me to move and serve his household.
Once again, my eyes found themselves glued to Josiah. I wanted to know that at least some part of him didn't want me to leave. His stony eyes connected with mine in a flash of fury. I briefly wondered if he was mad that I didn't immediately jump on the opportunity to stay. Josiah couldn’t risk his position in the Galla province by turning down such a lucrative offer. For the first time in my decade and a half at their home, I held the power. I could see Josiah's opinions on the matter so clearly written across his face. But truthfully, the decision was made when he refused to fight for me.
"It would be an honor to serve your household, Master Black," I whispered.
"Call me Cyler, babe," he whispered back. If he hadn't told me of his intentions, I would have questioned his endearing nickname, but I knew this was all a game for him. I just prayed I wouldn't end up losing more than I could handle in the end.
Mistress Black coughed, forcing Cyler to let go of my hands.
"Well, I must admit I'm quite jealous of you, brother. I was looking forward to my new home with such delicious meals," she joked politely.
Linda jumped in. "Oh Jules, do you mind if I call you Jules? I can assure you that we will have only the best food for you here in the Stonewell home." She beamed with pride which made me swallow the thick bile that rose up my throat. The two women then started chatting endlessly about hiring a new Walker with more skills than me.
After a few more minutes of finalizing details, Josiah dismissed me.
"Ashleigh, you are dismissed for the evening. I'm sure you have a lot of preparing to do, as Master Black here leaves by train in the morning with the first wave of Walkers."
The thought of spending four days on a train full of Walkers and Cyler Black made me reconsider my decision, but instead of vocalizing my concern like I wanted to, I merely nodded my head and walked down to my basement bedroom for the last time.
Chapter Seven
There wasn't much for me to pack. I owned only four dresses, one pair of shoes, and a small bag of toiletries. I owned more than what most in my position possessed. I was ready for my new life in Dormas in a mere fifteen minutes, which left me with hours to agonize over the betrayal I felt over Josiah's swift dismissal of me.
The past decade and a half had built a relationship that surpassed my unfortunate situation and made serving the Stonewell family worth all the work and restraint. If I had him, I could handle anything—could do almost anything. The realization that he never would be mine was devastating but nothing new.
The hours passed, and I cried silently to myself. I mourned for Josiah. For my freedom. For my fears. I researched information on Dormas on the house tablet. After a few general statistics and news reports of attacks by the Scavengers, I felt even more anxious about my decision.
My new home was underdeveloped and small. Walkers lacked the necessary means for survival, so until recently, their numbers were practically non-existent. Their citizens had to abide by strict rationing policies, and everyone was required to work.
It was a rural area known to be hot and humid year-round. The citizens of Dormas dressed differently there than they did in Galla, too. Everything about my new home would be different. I wanted to feel excited but found it to be difficult.
In the middle of the night, just as I was about to fall asleep from exhaustion, the door to the basement creaked open, and I heard the padding of footsteps down the stairs, leading to my bed.
"Ashleigh, are you awake?" Josiah's voice whispered.
I immediately sat up and searched the dark room for his face. I clicked on the nightlight he gave me, and we found ourselves staring silently at one another. Josiah then sat on the edge of my cot, clenching his fist. I watched him with trepidation and tried to swallow the sobs that demanded to break free.
"Why didn't you say no?" he finally asked quietly.
I considered his question for a moment then replied.
"Why didn't you?"
"I'm stuck, Ashleigh. I wanted to tell him to fuck off and leave my girl alone, but I'm not in the position to do that."
I shivered at his use of ‘my girl’ and allowed the tears to fall, finally. The ever-dutiful Josiah. His first love would always be the Stonewell name. I never stood a chance.
"You could have stopped him. You could have chosen me," I answered in a choked voice. The hurt from his secret engagement and dismissal piled on our conversation, and silent tears trickled down my cheeks.
"I wanted to choose you. Can't wanting be enough for us?" he asked.
We’d spent the last fifteen years wanting, and look where we were now; staring down the barrel of heartbreak and trying to cling to something we never had.