His mouth stretched into a grim line. “You’re not even willing to try.”
“I’m willing to give you what I can.” She hated the uncertain quiver in her voice. Hated even more the fear that ruled her emotions.
“A no-strings affair,” he said, his tone flat.
Right now, it was all she could offer him. “Yes.”
“No way. It’s not enough.” His expression turned angry. “I’ve been used like that before, and I won’t be anyone’s part-time plaything again.”
Hearing the heated condemnation in his voice, and suspecting he, too, had been played for a fool in the past, she regarded him cautiously. “What are you talking about?”
“The last relationship I was in, if you could even call it that, was with a woman who was out for a good time, and I was it. Her name was Diane, and she was a Fantasy for Hire customer. Just like you, she was looking for a personal fantasy.”
Teddy’s heart sank as she realized the correlation between her own behavior and this other woman’s. Beyond Austin’s anger, she also heard the hurt in his deep voice, and realized that this other woman had trampled on his emotions and had given him a few insecurities of his own.
“She used me, Teddy, and when the affair came down to something more serious for me, she blew me off.” Tension bunched the muscles across his chest and in his arms as he stood on the other side of the coffee table. “Bottom line, I wasn’t good enough for her, and the life she led. Not on a permanent basis anyway.”
She winced at the lash of his words, and the bitterness seeping into his tone. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice tight and aching.
“Yeah, me too.” His cold gaze held hers relentlessly. “So no, I don’t do convenient affairs, Teddy. I need some kind of commitment when I’m serious about a woman. No matter how old-fashioned it may seem, when I fall in love, I’m an all-or-nothing kind of guy. And I expect the same from the woman I’m involved with.”
Her throat closed up, making speech impossible. His rare declaration of fidelity and devotion was what women dreamed of, and Teddy’s heart swelled with so many regrets, so many fears…and the overwhelming need to believe him, and accept his precious offering. The upheaval of emotions swamped her, pulling her in two different directions.
Letting out a low sigh of defeat, he headed for the hallway that led to her bedroom—to gather up his things, she suspected—then stopped before disappearing. “And just for the record, Teddy, I’ve never told another woman that I was in love with her. You’re the first, and I didn’t make the declaration lightly.”
She closed her eyes, listening to the rustling sounds drifting from down the hall, and tried to convince herself that it was best that things ended now, instead of when the relationship became more complicated. More demanding.
Her heart twisted unmercifully, rejecting the convenient excuse she desperately tried to cling to. Emotionally, she was already over her head—and the realization was alarming.
He returned to the living room minutes later, changed into his damp clothes, duffel bag in hand. “You’re still hanging on to the fantasy, Teddy,” he said, his gaze uncompromising as it held hers. “I’m offering you the real thing, and I won’t accept anything less from you, either.”
And then he was gone. As the silence and solitude she’d always cherished surrounded her, hot tears scalded her eyes. Seconds ticked into minutes, which turned into hours as she sat on the couch and stared at the Christmas tree Austin had bought for her, to share with her. Yet she’d pushed him out of her life, so determined to preserve her independence…so afraid to trust him with her heart.
“Are you sure I can’t convince you to join Kayla and me for a drink at the Frisco Bay?” Laurel asked, her concerned voice attempting to cajole Teddy into accepting the invitation.
“I’m sure.” Teddy appreciated her friend’s attempt to cheer her up, but there were too many memories of Austin at the Frisco Bay, and she just wasn’t up to making polite conversation when her heart ached like nothing she’d ever experienced before.
It had been a week and a half since Christmas morning, when Austin had walked out of her life. She hadn’t heard from him, not that she’d expected to after the angry way they’d parted. She’d spent the holiday weekend by herself, alone and lonely and wallowing in misery. The tree in her living room had remained undecorated, yet she couldn’t bring herself to remove it from the condo, either.
She’d refused the New Year’s Eve parties Laurel and Kayla had invited her to, feeling as though she had little to celebrate. Her parents had invited her and Austin over for New Year’s Day brunch at the house, hoping to “get to know Austin better,” since it seemed the two of them were serious about each other. Teddy declined that gracious offer with a convenient fib that she had other plans. She didn’t have the heart to tell her mother that Austin was no longer a part of her life.
And after she’d hung up the phone, Teddy recognized the irony of her parents accepting Austin, even if it was on a tentative level, when she’d been the one to judge him so harshly.
Pushing that awful thought aside, she pulled up a file on her work computer and resumed her conversation with Laurel. “I’ve got a proposal to finish up here at work,” she said, opening the first draft copy of a resort brochure. “So I’ll be here at work late tonight. You and Kayla go and have a good time.”
“All right,” Laurel reluctantly agreed. “Hey, isn’t tomorrow the day you find out if you get the senior graphic design promotion?”
Teddy found she couldn’t even summon a small bout of enthusiasm over what once had been her sole ambition. “Yeah. There’s a board meeting first thing in the morning. I should know by noon.”
“Well, good luck, and keep me and Kayla posted.”
Teddy managed a small smile, grateful for her friends’ support. “Thanks, I will.”
Hanging up the phone, she continued working on the brochure, making notes for narrative, and jotting down ideas for what she thought would make for an attractive, trifold advertisement. She welcomed the diversion—it kept thoughts of Austin at bay.
It was a little after 6:00 p.m., and outside her office she could hear other employees leaving for the evening. The building grew quiet, except for the occasional hum of the copier being used by an ambitious employee working late like herself, or the ring of the outer telephone that someone else picked up. Another hour, she decided, and she’d pack up her work and head home, though the thought of entering her condo made her dread the lonely, solitary night ahead. It no longer seemed to matter that she’d once cherished the privacy and freedom that came with being an unattached woman.
“Trying to make a last-minute impression on me?”
Louden’s sly voice slithered down Teddy’s spine, and she glanced up to find her boss standing in the doorway to her office. “No, I’m trying to do my job and meet my current deadline. I’m sure you’ve made up your mind by now who will get the promotion.”
Very casually, he entered the room, closing the door behind him. Her heart gave a distinct thump in her chest, and uneasiness congealed in her belly. He’d never deliberately put them in a situation where they were completely alone together.