My heart fucking melted.
“First round’s on me,” Regina said, then asked what we wanted. Margaritas all around, sugar instead of salt.
Allie’s was a gay bar, so I felt right at home. A small dance floor was at the back of the bar, the space lit up with flashing neon lights. Women made out against one wall, and two men played pool together near our table. When one bent over to shoot, the other smacked him on the ass.
After two margaritas, I grabbed Daniel’s hand and dragged him from the table.
“What are you doing?” he asked with a laugh as I tugged him along behind me toward the back room with the dance floor and louder music.
“Dancing,” I said, smiling up at him.
“I don’t dance,” he said once we were on the floor. But he slid a hand to my lower back and linked our fingers with the other anyway. The music transitioned to a slower song. Probably because of the Valentine’s Day theme. The song was “Yours” from Ella Henderson.
And fuck it was the truth. I was so his.
“That’s okay.” I rested my cheek on his chest. “We can rock from side to side and still look cool.”
He chuckled and held me tighter.
As we danced, I closed my eyes and breathed him in. The hole in my heart that I’d had for so many years as I’d chased after men, desperate to be loved, to feel like I was worthy, was all but nonexistent now.
Daniel made me whole. I didn’t have to be anyone but myself when around him. He’d seen all sides of me: the dressed-up side and the “me” at the ass crack of dawn with messy hair, sleepy eyes, and morning breath. And he was still here, in my arms.
I nestled closer.
“Reed?”
I glanced up at him. His gaze flickered to my mouth before lifting again, and his blue eyes shone with that tenderness that made my heart swell.
“I love you,” he said in a silky-smooth voice. “I wanted to pick a more romantic time to tell you, but I don’t want to hold it in anymore. I’m crazy about you, Reed. You make me happier than I’ve ever been. I know it’s soon, too soon probably, but goddammit, I love you.”
My eyes watered, and it took me a moment to process his words.
“I love you too,” I said. We had stopped moving as the other couples continued dancing around us. “I feel like I’ve known you all my life. Weird, right?”
“Not at all.”
We sealed the confession with a kiss. A kiss that was, unfortunately, cut short.
“Reed?” a familiar voice said from beside me.
I opened my eyes and looked to the right. My heart dropped into my gut, and the breath left my damn lungs. “Jennifer?”
Oh god, this can’t be happening.
Her eyes grew wide as she looked from me to Daniel. “Mr. Sawyer! Um. Hi.” She looked about as horrified as I felt. “Crazy seeing you two here. Together.”
Daniel stiffened, but he didn’t release me. I felt the unsteadiness of his hands on me, though. They held a slight tremble. Although I hated it, I pulled away from him and faced her.
“Hey.” I rubbed the back of my neck, so nervous I could puke. “What brings you to Allie’s?”
“Half-price drinks,” she answered. “My boyfriend’s boyfriend is also bartending tonight, so we wanted to stop by and see him.”
“Wait.” My head spun. “Your boyfriend’s boyfriend?”
“We’re poly,” she answered, glancing between me and Daniel. “Guess we’re both learning something new about each other tonight.”
Fear prickled my insides. Would she tell anyone about us?
“Hey, babe,” a redheaded guy said, appearing at her side. He kissed her cheek. “Gage wants to talk to you. He has a new drink he wants you to try. His own creation.”
“Lord help me,” Jennifer said, then regarded me with cautious eyes. “Um. It was nice seeing you both. Have a good night.”
My knees nearly gave out when she walked away. The euphoric feeling from me and Daniel saying we loved each other had been replaced by anxiety and dread in the blink of an eye.
“Let’s go home,” Daniel said in a hard voice before leaving the dance floor.
I followed behind him with tear-filled eyes, my vision so blurry I could barely see in front of me. We said goodbye to Regina and Meg, who were now playing pool with the two guys, before he steered me outside. We didn’t say a word as we got inside the car and left the parking lot.
The fantasy had finally come crumbling down.
***
“Will you say something?” I asked later that night.
After leaving the bar, we had gone back to his place, and he’d gotten out of the car and walked inside without saying anything to me. Then he’d walked into his study and shut the door. I had gone to bed, and an hour passed before he finally joined me.
“What do you want me to say?” Daniel lay on his back, hands behind his head as he stared at the ceiling.
“You can start with what’s on your mind,” I said, turning to him. “How did we go from ‘I love you’ to this? You haven’t even looked at me since we left the bar.”
“I’m worried, okay?” Daniel shifted his gaze to me. “Jennifer is a sweet girl, but I don’t expect her to keep her mouth closed about this.”
That metal pipe lodged back down in the center of my chest. “So, what does this mean? Do you wanna break up? Deny her allegations?”
“No.” Daniel moved quicker than I expected. He hovered over me, one hand beside my head and the other gripping the side of my neck. “I’ve been thinking it over ever since it happened. And I’ve decided to go to HR tomorrow morning.”
“What? Why?”
“I’m going to tell them about us,” he answered. “It was bound to happen eventually, Reed. We can’t hide it anymore. It’ll be better coming directly from me than from her. I should’ve done it weeks ago.”
“What if they say we can’t be together?” My heart fucking broke at the thought.
“Then I’ll resign.”
“You can’t do that,” I said, panicked. “You can’t put everything on the line for me.”
“What do you suppose I should do, then? Huh?” he asked with a growl. “Do you expect me to walk away from you? Because that isn’t happening.”
“I’m not worth it, Daniel,” I said, my voice cracking. Finally, the truth was coming out. The real reason I was so upset about him possibly ruining his whole career. Love was supposed to conquer all, but I didn’t feel deserving of it. I never had. “You can find someone better. Someone you can be with openly without sacrificing your career over. I’m not worth you losing your job over. I’m nothing.”
“Don’t ever say that again.” He held my neck tighter, his thumb pressing against my pulse point. “You are everything to me.”
And then he kissed me.
My lips trembled against his, and tears fell from my eyes. I pulled at his sweatpants, and he tugged down my pj bottoms. I didn’t know how else to say what I was feeling, and by his desperate kisses and eager hands all over me, I suspected he felt the same.
Some things were better said with no words at all.