“Thank you,” I said with a smile and was promptly rewarded with a smile that made me want to melt. Even though I was pretty sure I was awake, this guy still felt like a dream. I mean, guys on his level of handsome were a dime a dozen, and the odds of finding one in the wild? Unlikely. And yet, here he was.
“Your welcome. Although, I think you’re being a little harsh. You shouldn’t discount mother nature just because you had a bad run-in with her. This mountain is a beautiful place as long as you know how to navigate through the thicket.” He came to explain how he had become a ranger and how his grandfather, a descendent of revolutionary era fur trappers had taught him everything he knew about the great outdoors. The way he spoke both about his grandfather and his job made it obvious that he loved them both. Here was a guy who was passionate about what he did and wasn’t just in it for the money.
“I guess I never really had the opportunity to appreciate everything nature has to offer. I grew up as a city girl, and a daughter to a state prosecutor. My mom liked putting away bad guys more than anything, so taking a hike through the woods and admiring a babbling brook wasn’t exactly on her to-do list. So, I kept to the city myself and ended up starting my own business. But as you can imagine, being a CEO gets to be a little time-consuming. I found myself stuck at the office all the time and I was getting sick and tired of looking out my window and seeing nothing but that concrete jungle. So, here I am.”
I started to realize by the amount of talking that I was doing that I was genuinely becoming comfortable with this man. Maybe it was the way he listened. Maybe it was something else. Whatever it was, I felt my guard coming down.
“Look, I think I owe you an apology for being so cold towards you before.” I put down my empty cup and felt a draft running through the building that made me want to pull a blanket around my shoulders. Cole seemed capable of reading my mind because he handed me one. I thanked him and held the ends together against my chest. “I guess you could say that I just haven’t had very good experiences with men in the past. They’ve been nothing but dirty, perverted douchebags and I’m sorry, I thought you’d be another one of those douchebags.” As I listened to myself talk, I was surprised by the wall I had put up between myself and men. I had chosen to villainize an entire gender based on the actions of a few bad apples.
Before tonight, I had kept my secret to myself, sharing it with no one except for my therapist. I had kept it trapped inside a glass bottle for years. And somehow, the guy – someone I had only known for a few hours, had already made me uncomfortable enough to uncork that bottle and share that secret I thought I would take to the grave.
“I was young and naïve when it happened. I thought this guy valued my skills and contributions to his company but I should have known the day he asked me to dinner at his place that he had ulterior motives. Long story short, one thing led to another and I ended up being sexually assaulted by this guy and some of the guys in the office until I finally decided to quit and become the CEO of my own company.”
I pulled the blanket tighter against myself even though what I felt was a cold that couldn’t be remedied with a blanket. “It just sickens me that those men used me for sex and it wasn’t just a pleasure thing. All they wanted was to get ahead or gain some boost in their status and they did it by making me think they were genuinely interested. There were even a couple who were so good at their little scam artist game that I made myself believe that they were in love with me – that we had a future together. But then they would get what they wanted, and the story would flip.”
Chapter 4 (Skylar)
Getting all that off my chest felt good, but at the same time, it was bringing emotions to the table that I wanted to keep suppressed. Blinking, I felt the wetness in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry in front of this guy. What would he think of me then? I didn’t want him to think that I was spinning some sob story for the sympathy points. I just wanted to give him a genuine explanation as to why I had been so cold. I hadn’t expected I would open the way I had.
Cole got up and sat down next to me. The coffee table no longer separated us and with that realization, my heartbeat quickened. I found myself wanting to move closer. Again, I was that moth drawn to the flame. At least that’s how I felt.
He pivoted so that he could look me in the eye. I thought he was going to reach out and touch me – maybe a hand on my knee or a light squeeze of the shoulder but he seemed to be able to show some level of restraint despite our proximity. In that sense, he was already different than most of the men I had come to know.
“I know that me saying so won’t probably mean very much, but I want you to know I’m not that type of guy.” He paused, jaw clenching for a moment like he was grinding his teeth. “What those men did to you is inexcusable and I would never even think of doing the same.”
He relaxed a bit, the hard edges around his eyes softening, inviting me in. “All I was trying to do was get to know you a little better because with the storm rolling through, you’ll be stuck here for at least a couple of days. I thought the stay would prove a bit better if you were comfortable. I had no intention of sleeping with you.”
I wanted to believe what he said was true – that he was some rare breed that made it a point of being a decent human being.
“Well, thank you. I appreciate that,” she said. “It means a lot that you would respect me.”
Cole nodded but something had shifted in his demeanor. It was a subtle change but the storm clouds were rolling in. He stood up and walked over to the window, looking out at the trees with this faraway look like he was seeing something that wasn’t there. “I like for my relationships to mean something,” he said after a rather long pause like he was coming out of a thick fog. “And given that you’ll be leaving the mountain and going back to that important job of yours in a few days, I wouldn’t want to jump into bed with you just to say goodbye.”
My eyebrows furrowed because I got the sense that he would have liked to sleep with me if only I had stuck around a little longer. More than that, he was saying that he valued a meaningful relationship over some pleasure-filled one nightstand. Honestly, I didn’t know what to make of this man. He was unlike any guy I had ever met before. He felt genuine – real.
Again, I found myself opening up to him like he had a key to that deepest, darkest part of my soul. I joined him at the window and tried to see what he saw. “If I’m being completely honest with you, that important job of mine is one that I hate and I don’t even know if I’ll be going back to it.”
Cole quirked an eyebrow in question but did not push me to answer. Instead, he left the ball in my court, letting me decide whether I wanted to make the shot or not. I found that I did.
“I know it probably sounds silly with me being a CEO. They are glorified in every facet of media but honestly, I can barely stand it. I started the company with good intentions but it's grown into this monster I can barely control. All the joy I felt when I first started is gone, replaced with the stresses of corporate bureaucracy. I have to deal with hotshots who think they own the universe because they have a couple of million tucked into their back pocket. Then there’s all the meetings – the paperwork – the traveling just to hear some presentation I could have watched a recording of. It’s getting to be too much – working all these long hours for little return. I barely have time to enjoy anything else. I have no boyfriend – no husband – no children. I told myself that I wouldn’t let my job get in the way of those things – that I’d find some magic formula for striking the perfect work/life balance but it backfired. All the things that I wanted, I can no longer have. Working corporate at least taught me something – that men are assholes looking for one thing and I’m not sure if I can keep living with that reality day in and day out.”