The carriage rambled along dusty roads, its wooden wheels rattling loudly. Every now and then, the bleating of goats or mooing of cows distracted her, but nothing was magnetic enough to hold her attention the way the general’s presence did. Judging by the way he kept pinching the muscles of his shoulders, his resolve to not look at her during their ride together was beginning to take its toll on him, too.
And how could she blame him? Their situation was fraught. One misstep and they’d both tumble headlong into currents they couldn’t navigate. She bit her nails.
The worst thing in the world was falling in love with someone who could never belong to you.
Maybe she should never have agreed to the trip, but she’d been so lonely all winter. The possibility of spending one last fortnight with him had addled her senses. Any possibility of reunion with her tribe was long gone. The rest of her life yawned before her, an interminable stretch of empty days and cold nights. A few days of companionship was a ray of light she didn’t have the strength to refuse.
“Rea.” The general calling her name made all her thoughts fizzle out.
“Are we close to Mesinia?” she asked, keeping her gaze cast downward, fearing he might see her eagerness and frustration if he looked into her eyes.
He shook his head. “No, there’s still a long way to go. However.” He wriggled uncomfortably. “I’m planning to return to the capital tonight. You’ll have to complete the rest of the journey on your own. But don’t worry; my men will accompany you to ensure your safety. You will get to Mesinia and see the blossoms just as you wished.”
Rea felt like he just buried a knife in her chest. Tears burned at the rim of her eyes, but she held them in with sheer resolve. If she acted weak now, he’d always remember her that way. “I suppose being away from the capital for a fortnight isn’t possible when one’s as busy as you are.” She hated how indifferent she sounded, how easily lies tumbled from her lips. “Duty always calls you, doesn’t it?”
“I’m sorry. It’s unfortunate, but it must be done.” Swallowing, the general waited for her reaction.
Rea was too shocked to react, though.
Letting out a long breath, the general linked his fingers between his thighs. “Or at least that’s what I want to say.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Frankly, neither do I.”
“Are you ill?” Rea asked genuinely concerned at his behavior. “Is that why you have to return so suddenly?”
“I wish I was. That’d be a sensible explanation, at least.”
His lips twisted into a tortured half-smile, equal parts amusement and pain. A pregnant silence curled around them. Rea’s pulse thundered wildly in the hollow of her throat, fueled by the premonition that something devastating was about to happen.
“You don’t have to worry about me.” Truly, what else could she say when the general looked so upset? “I have traversed many paths alone. My tattoos will protect me.”
“Nonsense.”
“How can you still not believe in the tattoos after you’ve seen their power for yourself?”
“I don’t deny their power,” said the general. “But your tattoos cannot protect you from me.”
For one wild, confused instant, Rea blinked. Did he mean…? Hope leapt through her chest all the way into her fingertips, and she extended her hand to him. When he took her hand, every breath drained from her body.
“I want you.” His voice was hoarse, raw, tantalizing. “I want you in all the ways I shouldn’t want you.”
“And what’s wrong with wanting me? I’m in good health and reasonably attractive.”
His eyes hardened. “It’s impossible.”
“Because I’m a Suveri?”
“Because I’m an emperor.”
“Isn’t that the same? You think I’m beneath you. Are you flabbergasted that someone as exalted as you can desire something as common as me?”
“Don’t be absurd. You aren’t beneath me.”
“Then why?”
“Because I must marry another. I don’t wish to hurt you or give you hope when there’s none. I swear, I should’ve never taken this trip. But I wanted to make sure about what I felt and…”
Time halted for Rea. She needed that. Needed him to breathe those words, give them form. To take away the sharp ache in her chest. “Keep talking…general…say something!”
His face was shadowed by a darkness she knew too well—fear. “We can’t do this.”
“That doesn’t matter!” She raised her voice without meaning to. She was on edge and her fingers curled around his collar pulling him closer. “I need to know that you want it anyway.”
Such a dire situation, yet she was oblivious as ever. It never struck her how precarious that cliff they were on was.
“Rea, being the emperor is what I’ve always wanted. It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted. My dreams and plans for this country are grand, as you know. I want to change the way things were under my father. I want to stop recklessly conquering territories. I want to stop the wars, the bloodshed, the unreasonable taxes…but those things all pale in comparison to how much I want you.”
“Then take me. What’s stopping you? I’m not.” Her bold declaration tore a ragged breath from his lips. All of a sudden, the air in the coach was hotter. The general’s pupils dilated, exploded like a sky full of stars. The red flush from before crept all the way to the tips of his ears.
“I want to, but I couldn’t do that without promising you at least some measure of security and comfort. I can’t think of any way that could happen except with you as my mistress.” He moistened his lips with his tongue. “And it’s too degrading for you to be reduced to that.”
“I don’t mind.”
“But I do.”
“You shouldn’t.”
“How can I not? I love you.”
“You…love me? But you don’t even believe in love.”
It was unbelievable. Impossible. Miraculous. He was telling her the very thing she wanted to hear. Rea felt like a flood had just inundated her, swept her away with the force of joy.
“I can’t explain it…but I’ve never felt this way before. I’m fairly certain it’s love. No other emotion could be so maddening, drive a man out of his mind like this. I haven’t been acting anything like myself these last few days. Everyone in the palace has noticed.”
“You’re ‘fairly certain’ it’s love?” Rea found that expression both hilarious and so appropriate given the general’s logical temperament.
The general looked at her, helpless. “Well, I don’t know how one becomes ‘entirely certain’ of love. It’s not as though there’s proof for it.”
“There is. Shall I show it to you?” She dragged a finger over the general’s lips. “But be warned, once you become certain of it, it’ll only hurt more.”
Catching her drift, the general kissed her finger, then instructed the coach driver to stop at the first inn he came across.
Turning his focus back to Rea, he whispered, “Show me.”