What the heck was wrong with her? They were acting like horny teenagers, unable to control themselves. But even knowing that, she let him continue rubbing. Every so often he would let his hand drift back to her knee, as though he knew it made her wonder if that was it or if he was going to make his way back up.
The charged sensations running through her body left her thrilled and a bit breathless. His touch was not heavy or rough, but fleeting and gentle. The small finger on his left hand barely touching her but rubbing up and down gently. It was just enough that she was utterly aroused but nowhere near close to having an orgasm.
Well, she thought to herself, this was sure better than sitting at home and feeling like a failure. But how on earth was this going to help them remain clear-headed?
After a while, she was not sure how long, she placed her hand over his when it reached her knee, effectively stopping him. She glanced sideways at him and mouthed, "Behave yourself!" She smiled slightly. He leaned forward and whispered, "All you had to do was ask," sitting back in his chair, he had a knowing smile on his face; he knew she hadn't wanted him to stop.
Afterward, they drove their cars to her house for a drink. Settling in on the floor, she passed him his can of pop while she set her glass of wine down next to her.
"You chose a good movie," she said. "It was very funny and light; just what I needed."
"I'm glad," he said.
They sat in companionable silence, with Olivia leaning up against Luke contentedly. After a while, she noticed he had been staring off into space with a distracted look on his face.
"Hey, penny for your thoughts?" she asked.
He continued to stare out into space, before giving her a small smile.
"Nothing really, just missing my Mom and thinking about the past," he said.
"Tell me about it," she urged.
"Not much to tell really, you already know my Dad died when I was little," he stated, taking a quick swig from his can. "My Mom raised us along with my Granny and Uncles and Aunts."
"That's a whole lot of years all rolled up into a sentence or two," she pointed out. "Tell me more."
"What else is there to tell you?" he asked. "They did their best, and I turned out okay, I guess."
"Hmm," she non-committally, thinking that if she kept quiet, he might open up more. The silence hung in the air for a few minutes, with Luke staring off at nothing, his mind obviously caught up in another time and place. The sounds from the music she had chosen on the stereo played softly as she waited.
"You don't want to hear about it," he finally stated.
"How do you know I don't want to hear about it?" she persisted. "I want to know all about you."
"You don't need to know everything about my past, it's the now that's important," he insisted.
"But the past influences the now, it made you what you are now," she stated quietly. She held his hand and rubbed his fingers lightly, trying to encourage him to open up to her. After a couple of minutes, she realized that he had bowed his head and his shoulders were quietly shaking. She was taken aback at the abruptness and depth of emotion which had taken over him but pleased that he was letting her in.
"Why did he do that?" he gasped. "Why? Why did he do that?"
"Why did he do what?" she asked. "Who are you talking about?"
He took a couple of deep breaths and tried to pull himself together. "It doesn't matter, I'm screwed up, that's all, just a screwed-up mess."
"Don't be silly, you aren't screwed up," she argued, trying to reassure him.
"It's just, I was molested when I was a kid," he blurted out. "It was a family friend. He was a monster, and he took advantage of me."
She continued to hold him, running her hands over his head and down his back, making murmuring sounds of encouragement and comfort.
"It's okay, it's okay," she insisted. "You're not screwed up, he was."
"I wish that were true," he sighed deeply. "I'm damaged because of it."
Olivia didn't know what to say. This sudden revelation had taken her aback. It was one thing to hear that something this awful had happened to someone she knew, but the emotions he was expressing as he explained it to her made it feel like it had happened to him yesterday.
After a few moments, he raised his head and gave her a sheepish look.
"I'm sorry, I don't know where that came from," he murmured. "I don't usually talk about it, but you're so easy to talk to."
"You can talk to me about anything, anytime you want," she reassured him. Looking at him, she caught a glimpse of the hurt little boy he would have been so many years ago. Her heart swelled with compassion, and she realized she was falling deeply in love with this man.
Chapter Twenty
She
S he was fighting tears as she left the therapist's office. She knew the first visit had been rocky, with her husband sitting quietly most of the time, but she had hoped the second one would be better. In the end, she spent the entire appointment crying into a tissue as she poured out her hurt and disappointment to the therapist. Her husband had never even bothered to show up. The therapist reassured her that it wasn't unusual for men to get scared when it came down to dealing with issues in their marriages, but she couldn't help but feel deserted.
After their talk several weeks ago, she'd had a renewed sense of hope that their marriage may be salvageable. It had taken a couple of weeks to find a time that worked for him to have their first session. While they waited to see the therapist, she'd made an effort to be home on time, to prepare him nice meals and adopt a light and pleasant attitude. After all, she couldn't expect him to do everything - making a marriage work takes two. Unfortunately, he still treated her in a dismissive way, not seeming to care overly about her feelings or making her feel appreciated.
Now, he had just not shown up. How much more of this could she take? She drove back to work with a throbbing headache and a dull ache in the pit of her stomach. She was walking down the hallway toward her office when Wanda appeared.
"Hi, I was wondering if…" her colleague's voice trailed off. "Are you okay? Did something happen to your dad again?"
"No, no, he's fine. I'm fine," she said, hurrying past Wanda and into her office. Setting her purse down on her desk, she hung her coat up before turning around to face Wanda again.
"I'm sorry, but you don't look fine," Wanda insisted, her hands on her hips.
"I know, it's just a bad day," she responded. "Really, I'll be fine, I just need to clear my head a bit and get some work done."
"Work can wait!" Wanda declared. "You have been moping around here all week, and now you come in here looking like you lost your best friend."
"I'm sorry, okay?" she retorted defensively. "I had a bad appointment, and now I just want to work."
Wanda's body relaxed as she realized she had been too harsh. It was obviously not a topic for discussion right now.
"Well, you take your time," Wanda relented. "Make some coffee, close your door and take a moment."