"Yeah, sure that would be nice," Olivia said, trying to play it cool. "Did you have any particular day in mind?"
"How about Tuesday?" Luke suggested. "I have some commitments tomorrow, but Tuesday is free."
"Sure, Tuesday would work," Olivia replied. "I could meet you. Just let me know where."
"Oh, I can pick you up," Luke said. "How about you send me your work address, and I'll be there on Tuesday just before noon?"
"That sounds good," Olivia responded.
"Okay, until then..." Luke said.
As she disconnected the line, she let out a loud shout of excitement. She could barely believe she had met someone intelligent, sane, stable, and attractive - and to top it all off, he was interested in her! She drove the rest of the way home, unable to wipe the grin off her face.
That night, as she organized her sons for the upcoming week, her mind kept drifting to her coffee date with Luke. She was still amazed at how he made her pulse quicken, and how just thinking about him made her smile. It had been so long since she'd felt this way. Oh heck, who was she kidding? It had been almost forever. Her first marriage was to her high school sweetheart, and she didn't remember there ever being a time when she had felt the kind of attraction for him that she was already experiencing with Luke. While she had been attracted to the father of her children, it was a slow, easy, and comfortable attraction, not the thunderbolt she had felt as soon as she met Luke.
Once the boys were in bed, she sat down at her laptop and logged into her profile page. There was a card from Luke saying how much he had enjoyed meeting her. The message inside the card took her breath away. He explained that he felt like a schoolboy and that he hoped he hadn't made a fool of himself, but it had been a long time since he had felt such a connection to a woman.
Olivia sat back in her chair and took a deep breath. It was one thing to feel this kind of attraction, but to realize it was mutual? That brought things to a whole new level in her mind. What should she say in return? She didn't feel comfortable coming right out and saying she felt the same, but she also didn't want to discourage him. Oh, crap! Why was it so hard to date these days? And for the umpteenth time, she reflected on the fact that she felt way too old to be wrestling with these issues.
In the end, Olivia sent a note back thanking him for the card, reassuring him that he had not made a fool of himself and that she was excited to have lunch with him on Tuesday.
After sending him the message, she closed up her laptop and prepared for bed. Washing her face, brushing her teeth, and laying out clothes for work the next day were all part of her routine, and she walked through it step by step, all the while reveling in the sense of hope and anticipation she felt as she looked forward to Tuesday.
As it turned out, she didn't need to wait until Tuesday to hear from him again - there was another card waiting for her when she woke up the next morning. It was a pretty card wishing her a wonderful Monday and a quick note saying, "One more day!"
That morning, she drove to work with her music turned up just a bit louder than usual, singing along with her favorite musicians. She walked into work with a smile on her face that her colleagues found impossible not to return.
Chapter Eight
She
W hen she returned home from the hospital, her husband was sitting in his favorite chair in the living room, with a drink in one hand and a remote in the other.
He barely moved his eyes from the TV as he asked, "Hey, how'd things go with your Dad?"
"He's going to be okay. It was a small heart attack," she responded. "He has to watch his diet and get some exercise going forward."
"Good," he said.
She stood in the doorway watching him as he watched the sports channel. He was so engrossed in it that he didn't seem even to notice she was still standing there.
"I could have used you there tonight, for support," she stated.
The only acknowledgment he made was to lift his chin once and nod. He continued to watch TV, making no move to respond or engage with her in any way.
"Did you hear me?" she asked.
"Yes, I heard you," he said, clearly irritated. "I told you, I was visiting a friend. There's nothing I could have done anyway. We've been through this already."
"Do you care about me at all anymore?"
"Oh Christ, not this again!" he said, clearly exasperated. "Just because I won't do everything you want me to do, doesn't mean the sky is falling. You knew what I was like when you married me. Stop bitching!"
The worst part was that he was right. She had known what he was like when she married him. She had married him and hoped that against all the odds he would be who she thought he was. She had hoped all her dreams would come true and that they would be together as she felt they were always meant to be. She couldn't fault him, because in the end he had told her the truth and she had chosen to jump in anyway. She remembered the conversations they'd had when they were first dating. He had told her he was damaged. She'd thought he meant that he had some baggage. We all have baggage. We are all damaged. she had thought then. Now she knew he'd meant what he'd said and she hadn't listened; he really was damaged. She had no one to blame but herself.
With a deep sigh, she turned around and went into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine. Cutting some up some cheese, she put it on a plate and added some olives and pickles. All the stress of the day, combined with pre-wrapped hospital food, had left her with little appetite for a big meal. Taking it all to the kitchen island, she nibbled at her food and flipped through the day's mail.
Where was she going to go from here? Could she stand staying in a relationship where she always wondered where she stood and if he was going to be around from one day to the next? Could she stand leaving him and giving up on any chance at love? She wasn't getting any younger, and she couldn't imagine, after everything she had been through, that she would be able to find anyone else. She was too old, she had too many defensive walls up around her, and she wasn't sure it was even possible anymore. So that left her with a bad marriage on one side, and loneliness on the other. Taking another drink from her wine glass, she reassured herself that it wasn't a decision she needed to make tonight.
That evening, she was getting ready for bed when she heard her husband in the other room, and she assumed he was turning in for the night as well. As she walked out of their washroom, she thought she caught a whiff of his cologne. That's odd, she thought, why would he be putting cologne on before bed?
Pulling her pajamas on, she heard him close the bathroom door and walk down the hallway - away from their bedroom. A cold ball formed in the pit of her stomach as she hurried in his direction. When she reached the front entryway, he was pulling on his shoes.
"Where are you going?" she inquired in a surprised voice.
"Going out for a bit," he answered brusquely. "Meeting a friend for a drink."
"What friend?"
"Just a friend from work," he said.
"How many drinks did you have tonight?" she asked. "Do you think you should be driving?"
"I'm fine. I can hold my booze," he responded.