A pink tinge climbed his cheeks. “‘Friend,’ she says.”
That was the moment I felt the lid on the chest where I kept my heart blow wide open. I really had hurt his feelings. “I’m sorry. I should never have taken advantage of you. I tried to use you to forget my shitty family for a while and it was out of line. I’m sorry I didn’t call. I’m...having someone take care of me—I’m not used to that. I’ve always taken care of myself. It embarrassed me. That I was so needy, I crawled into your lap like that and then you had to put me to bed. That’s not usually me.”
He slapped the wheel with his palm. “Dammit, Lil. I want to be mad at you, especially after the friends comment... I know you’re not used to being taken care of, darlin’. I can tell you’re not comfortable with it. Shit. Honestly, I’m not all that comfortable with the fact that I care enough to do it, but that’s my shit.” He turned his head to meet my eyes. “But I don’t make out with my friends like that, so don’t you dare try to friend-zone me. We are more and you know it, too.”
Turning in the seat to see him fully, I noticed the clenched jaw and tension in his shoulders. “Brody.” I steeled my resolve and my voice. “I should have never climbed Mount Shaw like that.”
He barked out a laugh. “Mount Shaw? Christ, my emotions get whiplash when I’m around you.”
Smoothing back the hair escaped from my ponytail, I let out an audible exhale. “I’m the one who said I didn’t want that kind of strain on this relationship because I didn’t want it to interfere with the dog search. Then I go and try to grind on you like a pillow-humper. I—”
He put a hand up to stop me. “What’s a pillow-humper?”
“A dog that runs around humping everything. Couch pillows, toys, beds, legs, et cetera. I was all, ‘Oh, big doggo haz nice hiney. I shud do a hump.’” Ohmygod. I can’t believe I said that out loud. “Not important.”
Seriously? Now I was babbling in doggy voices?
He barked out a laugh that didn’t end, and the sound was my favorite music. “Aww shit, Lil.” He wiped an eye with the back of his knuckle. “I’m so glad I asked.”
I shook my noodle to clear my thoughts. As a general rule, I only geeked out like that in my head. This whole conversation had me shook and shit started pouring out of my mouth at record speed.
“Dude, I’d have to be blind to not want to bang you... I mean, for Christ’s sake.” I gestured to all of him at once. “It would be like not flicking the bean to that one picture of you in the Sports Illustrated Body Issue, the one with the football in front of your junk. Christ, between you, and Tyler Seguin—”
His head whipped around with sheer goddamned glee on his face. No other way to describe it. “Me and Tyl—are you shitting m—”
I needed to stop talking, but I couldn’t. So, in true Lily Costello fashion I overcorrected my course. “In the history of bad ideas, you and I wouldn’t quite be as bad as Jelly shoes, but definitely worse than Crocs.”
Turning away from me, his smile faded.
“You are enough trouble, and I...” Might be falling for you. “...am not willing to risk all this.”
A muscle jumped in his jaw. “You think that little of me?”
Whoops. Freudian slip. “In. You’re in enough trouble.”
He nodded, but I could tell he didn’t believe me.
I scrubbed my face with my hand. “I’m sorry for the mixed signals. That’s on me. But if we let sex get into this...you are my friend, Brody, and I think too much of you to sour that.”
Brody’s jaw muscle twitched. “Aren’t you tired of the excuses? I am. We’ve both been making them for so long it’s like second nature and when one doesn’t hold water anymore, we have another at the ready. When, in reality, you’re scared of way more than damaging our friendship, and I’m scared of a hell of a lot more than losing my job. I’m just so tired of all of it. The Bulldogs organization. The excuses to keep people out. How much it stings when you believe the bullshit the media says. I won’t lie to you and tell you I have never been that guy, but I am not that guy anymore. I don’t screw around anymore. I haven’t in a while.”
But how was I supposed to know if that was the truth or not? The owner’s granddaughter wasn’t that long ago, and the pictures from the fantasy suite spoke for themselves. “What about the owner’s granddaughter, Shaw?”
His eyes went wide, before a line appeared between them.
“Yeah, I know about that. What about the pictures from the fantasy suite?”
I hated that I’d brought it up. That I’d bothered to point out the exceptions to his claim simply because it meant that I cared that he did screw around, that he was lying to me about a part of his life that was none of my goddamned business.
He ran a hand through his hair and his face smoothed. “The granddaughter was a mistake. The fantasy suite is utter bullshit, but the truth is, it doesn’t matter what I tell you. You’re going to believe the worst of me because that’s what keeps you from getting hurt. I get it. I’ve been doing it, too. The thing is, that persona? It never really bothered me before. Not until right now. Not until you. Because all I want is for you to see me and all you see is football. This thing.” He gestured between us. “This could be real, enduring. Beyond football and legacy. Beyond rumors and mistrust.” He started to open his door. “But, hey, thanks for the reminder, Lil. I needed that kick in the nuts.”
I grabbed his forearm. “What reminder?”
“That I’m still Brody Shaw, star middle linebacker for the Dallas Bulldogs.”
As he spoke, something on Everett’s SUV caught my eye. “Shit. I know what spooked them.”
He whipped back to me and I pointed through the windshield.
“The sticker. On Everett’s window.” I nodded in the direction of the SUV where Everett had a sticker for the Unruly Dog Training Center.
He leaned forward. “Sonofabitch. I think we had the right guys.”
“Can’t be certain, but yeah, my gut tells me that was them.” And they slipped through our fingers.
“We should go tell everyone else.”
“Brody.”
“Yeah.” He kicked something nonexistent in the road.
“Look at me.”
He did, I could see the shadow of pain lingering there. Brody wanted me to believe him and it hurt him that I didn’t. The thing was, he hadn’t really given me a reason to believe him because all evidence was to the contrary.