“Don’t what?”
“Don’t play dumb. It doesn’t suit you.” He zipped up the bag. “You should go.”
CC didn’t get up to greet me. She was lying on a bed by the balcony, head between her paws.
“Nope.” I didn’t know what was wrong, but I wasn’t in the mood to make nice with some surly asshole who was being as petulant as a thirteen-year-old girl. “To say I’ve had a shitty day is putting it mildly. I’m not playing games with you, big man. I don’t know what you’re mad about, but unless you tell me why you’re pissed, I can’t apologize, either.”
He didn’t respond and all the wind went out of my sails. Turning away to lean my butt on the back of the couch, I was too tired to hold the tears off anymore. “They traded you, didn’t they?”
He picked a folder up off the coffee table, threw it on the couch. “Miami.”
Peeling myself up, I walked around the couch, putting a hand on his bicep. He stopped moving but didn’t look at me. My heart was breaking for him. For us. “Brody, I’m so so—”
He nodded at the folder. “Open it.”
I did and my heart split in two. My legs failed me, and I slid to sit on the couch next to his garment bag. “Dick knew about us? How?” It came out in a whisper. My hands shook as I leafed through the photos. Shock settled into every muscle of my body. There was picture after picture of Brody, holding me. Kissing me. Pictures of him taking my trash out. Playing with my dogs in the backyard as I watched. Me hugging him from behind in nothing but a T-shirt. The night I’d gone out to his balcony. God, that must have been two a.m. Me leaving his building the morning after I’d taken CC home.
The one that truly broke my heart, though, was of him sticking his head through the window of his truck to kiss me.
He looked so young. So open. Like a college kid sneaking out of his girlfriend’s dorm. I remembered exactly what I felt then. Everything would be okay. All hope was not lost because I had the most amazing man in the world, and he was in love with me. This sweet, big-hearted football player who would be there for me because I was loved.
Brody’s voice came out soft, pained, shattering the moment in my head. “You used me. I took a leap of faith. Told you I loved you, and you were using me to get shelter funding out of your stepdad.”
“What?” Mouth wide open, I turned to him. The shock was a ball of dread sitting in my stomach.
“I know about the rescue, Lily. What I don’t know is was it the plan from the beginning, or only since we found the empty building?” His hands were on his hips as he stared into the duffel on the table.
“What are you even talking about?” I was so utterly horrified he’d been traded. Because of me.
He met my eyes and I didn’t care that he saw the fat tears or dark circles. “When I heard them talking about your fiancé at camp, I should have run in the other direction. But I’ll give it to you, you’re a decent actress, sweetheart, and hey, we lucked out with all that chemistry in the sack, right? I know you didn’t fake the orgasms, so at least there’s that much.”
“Brody, stop. This isn’t—”
“For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out why you would come up in the same conversation as my shoulder at training camp of all places.”
“You think I knew about this?”
“Stop, Lily.” He threw a hand up. “Nobody but Hayes and my neighbors knew, and they had nothing to gain by telling Dick about us. But you did.” His face was a mask of disappointment, and I could see the ache hiding beneath.
He had so much wrong, I didn’t know where to start.
I wasn’t even sure it mattered. He wasn’t interested in listening, anyway.
Running a hand through his hair, he sat down on the couch, elbows on his knees. “Why didn’t you come to me about the money, Lily? If you didn’t know anything about this, why wouldn’t you just come to me first about starting a rescue?”
I spun to face him, not only hurt, but angry. The longer this went on, with each word that left his mouth, I knew how wrong I’d been about Brody. He didn’t trust me, and I couldn’t count on him. “Really? Come to you for money—right. The dude that is sure everyone in the world wants in his pockets. Brilliant idea.”
“Bullshit. You could have asked me for the moon and stars, and I would have found a way to give them to you. I would have emptied my bank accounts, given you the shirt off my goddamned back. I would have left football for you, just to stay here. With you.” His head sagged forward on his big shoulders. “I tried.” The words came out soft. So soft, I wasn’t sure I’d heard them right.
“You what?” Circling around, I tried to see his face. Everything in my body wanted to reach out and touch him. But I couldn’t. Not when he thought I did this to him.
He steepled his hand over his nose. “I asked for my release. When Dick told me he arranged a trade, I told him I wanted my release.”
Pushing the folder over, I sat on the table facing him. “This is exactly why I couldn’t come to you. You’re accusing me of using you, yet you think if you could give me everything I’ve ever wanted, we’d live happily ever after. Don’t you think I know you would always wonder if I loved you for what you could give me instead of for the man you are?”
When he didn’t respond, I knew it didn’t matter what I said. His mind was made up before I ever walked through the door.
Shit got hard for Brody, and it was time for him to flake. Imagine that. “I always thought it would be my baggage that got in our way.” I just wanted to be done with this. I couldn’t trust a man that didn’t put his faith in me, no matter how much I loved him or how much my heart hurt. A man that would leave without hearing my side of the story? He’d written me off so easily. Taken the word of someone like my stepdad. At the first sign of trouble, he was running. Like everyone else I’d loved.
Really, Lily? Couldn’t he say all those same things about you?
I supposed I never really let go of my own baggage either. I guess I’d expected this moment all along.
“Why you didn’t mention a shelter, Lily? Seems like something you’d tell someone you love. Unless he wasn’t part of your plan.” His raw voice sounded incredulous, and he had every right to be. Not because I’d used him like he thought, but because deep down, I wasn’t any more capable of checking my own shit than he was.
With a slow shake of my head and a continuous flow of tears, I met his eyes. My voice came out choked, full of what might have been if we both weren’t so screwed up. “You’re right.”
He searched my face, a tear tracking down his own cheek that broke my heart anew.