“Look at you.” He pointed. “You’re blushing.”
“Am not. What was that for?”
“’Cause I wanted to.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” His gaze met mine. “I have a list of things I want to do.”
“Oh.” If words could hang in the air, his did. My heart beat faster, my breath quickened. For so many reasons, I scrambled to think of a way to defuse the burst of excitement I felt.
I busied myself taking pictures of St. Nacho’s distinctive shell-shaped layout—streets seemingly curved in layers beyond Nacho’s Bar and the pier until they reached the bluffs where stately homes reflected the sun as it dipped toward the sea.
“This really is a great little town,” I said. “I like the rivers of Central California, and Galt has the preserve, but the ocean... The vastness of the sea speaks to me.”
His lips twisted in wry amusement. “Minerva could probably tell you what it’s saying.”
“Oh, yeah. I met her,” I admitted. “I stopped by Rune Nation today. She did a reading for me.”
“Let me guess. You’ll meet a tall, dark, handsome stranger?”
I thought about Ari. “That already happened.”
His smile went slack. “You really met someone?”
I shook my head. “What she said was I’m in a place of... possibilities.”
“Yeah?” The words were hoarse. “What’s that mean, exactly?”
Our gazes met again. Our eyes locked.
Now we both know what’s in my heart.
So much for my survival instincts. I knew exactly who I was dealing with, and I still let him see everything—my attraction, my feelings, how vulnerable I felt when I was with him.
“Luke.” He breathed the word.
I closed my eyes.
“I’m”—he swallowed—“not sure what to say.”
“No need to say anything.” I cleared my throat and tried to regain my equilibrium. “It’s just… I don’t know. The ambiance here or something.”
“Or something,” he repeated.
I blew out a breath. “Is there anything you need while I’m still in town?”
“Like what?”
“Snacks?”
“Snacks.” Tug’s expression was unreadable. He very tentatively took my hand and laced our fingers together. “No, I don’t need snacks, Luke. It’s still early. Let’s keep walking.”
I looked at our joined hands. I didn’t miss the speculation in his gaze.
“Tug.” I knew how dangerous my attraction to him could be, but I felt locked into a kind of wordless rebellion against common sense.
“Don’t overthink.” Tug gave me a pull to get me moving. “I’ve got a curfew. You’re going home. Let’s just keep moving.”
On the boardwalk, we joined the joggers and pet walkers who made their way up and down the small stretch of beach. Some folks were getting in last-minute kite-flying time with a beautiful sunset for a backdrop.
Earlier, I had ached to take Tug’s hand in mine.
Instead, I had consciously put distance between us, much more than I had before, simply because he had freedom now. He had freedom, and I was afraid to become a casualty of it.
But now…
Now he didn’t seem to want more than our joined hands. His felt just right—like the Goldilocks story, not too firm, not too soft. His touch wasn’t demanding or needy; it simply joined us in the physical way I’d wanted without compromising the most important boundaries between us.
“Tug?”
He glanced my way.
“I’m really glad to be here with you.”
A genuine smile lit him up. “I’m glad you’re here, Luke”
Then Tug turned and his expression went blank. He slowed his steps beside me. I could guess why. As we’d drawn near Nacho’s Bar, a knot of people surrounded a street musician playing guitar for tips.
Just like that, Tug and I collided with his past.
Chapter Twenty
St. Nacho’s, Day 4
Oh my God, Beck.
Soon I’m going to see you. Soon I’m going to turn the corner, and you’ll be right there. Everything I did will hang over us like a goddamn cartoon anvil, and I’ll have to make things right between us before it comes down on my head and kills me.
Please know that I was stupid. I never meant to hurt you. I was hurt. I was jealous. I knew you were going to walk away with a man who loved you, and I’d be left outside, looking through the window like always—outside the toy store at Christmas—an unwanted child. A burden to be abandoned time after time. None of that is your fault. It’s my karma or whatever. I must have done something pretty awful in a past life for things to turn out this way. That doesn’t give me the right to be a shit in this one.
I’m sorry, sorry, sorry.
I’m going to make things right. That’s all I can do.
I wish you well,
Tug
Beck was playing “Hallelujah” for a pretty decent vocalist and a guy signing the lyrics in ASL. With the neon sky behind them and the little crowd gathering around, the scene was mesmerizing.
Someone on our right said sharply, “You’ve got one hell of a nerve coming back here.”
Tug froze.
“Excuse me, did you say something?” I found the person who’d snapped at us—at Tug specifically—and looked him over. Older than me. Nice looking. He glared at Tug as though he was trying to light him on fire.
Was this angry man Beck’s veterinarian boyfriend?
Tug remained pale and still. “I—”
“What the hell were you thinking, Tug?” the man asked bluntly.
“Okay, shh.” Automatically in librarian mode, I moved between them. “Let’s just take a minute, please.”
“I—” Tug cleared his throat. “I need to talk to Beck.”
“No way.” The man shook his head. “You aren’t allowed within fifty yards of him.”
Had they gotten a restraining order? “Excuse me—”
“Dr. Davies, I came here to make things right.” Tug looked sick, but he didn’t let that stop him. “I want to make amends for what I did.”
The veterinarian eyed him. “You got a couple grand on you right now?”
Tug shook his head. “I have a job.”
“Great.” The doctor sighed with disgust. “You really hurt him, Tug.”
At some point, the music had stopped. Beck had set aside his instrument and gotten to his feet.
Tug turned to his old friend. It was goddamn painful to watch him confront his past. I don’t know what he expected, but he didn’t get it. There was no forgiveness in Beck’s eyes, no willingness to listen in his body language.
“You don’t belong here,” Beck shouted across the boardwalk.
Tug winced. “I know.”
“So why come back?”
“I need to make things right.”
Beck shook his head. “You can’t. It’s done.”
“I can pay what I owe. I need to. Look… Can we please talk over there?” Tug’s misery broke my heart.