I’m nervous as hell and not looking forward to filling the women in on what happened to me, but I think they have a right to know. Especially when some asshole is now bringing this shit back and bringing it to Benton Falls. At this point in time, I’m their only target. That could all change in the blink of an eye and I refuse to let any of these women get hurt because I couldn’t open up to them. So, I’ll lay my soul bare and let them hear all the shit very few people know. Plus, it’s not fair they open up about their lives and I’ve barely given them anything about myself in return.
I sent the message out about an hour ago and have been impatiently waiting the entire time now. I’ve paced the room I share with Killer, sat out in the common room with the TV on even though I wasn’t paying attention to what’s playing, and I’ve drank two bottles of water. I want to read, but there’s no way in hell I’ll be able to concentrate on anything in front of me. My nerves are through the roof because this is one of the hardest things I’ll ever do in my life. Sharing these memories and what I’ve been through will lay me bare for everyone to criticize. Yeah, Killer and my counselor know along with the women at the group meeting. It’s an entirely different feeling when it’s women you know, love, and respect.
All the girls are here now, and I’ve decided I don’t want to talk inside the clubhouse. There are too many ears who don’t need, or deserve, to hear my story. So, we all walk outside with drinks in our hands. I’ll need one or two in order to get through this. Especially with Kim here. She’s my sister by blood and doesn’t know what our sperm donor put me through. I’m sure she has an idea, but nothing in her mind compares to reality I’m sure.
“What’s going on?” Sam asks me when we reach a spot far enough from the clubhouse where no one will overhear us talking.
“Well, here’s the thing. I’ve been lying to myself about needing to keep all of my shit to myself. Killer knows it all and it’s not fair not a single one of you do. So, you’re here today so I can let you know what my past is. With everything going on, I want you all to know what happened to me, so it doesn’t happen to you because of these cock fucks,” I inform them.
Taking a deep breath and sip of my drink, I let myself go in my head so I can ignore the women sitting in front of me. After one final deep breath I launch into my story. There isn’t a single detail I leave out, the same I did with Killer. These people are the only ones who have gotten the entire story. Even the women of my group didn’t get every, gritty detail. They got most of them, but that’s it. It’s my story and I get to choose who gets what part of it. No one else can do that.
As I’m talking and sharing my story, I hear the women surrounding me sniffling. When I look up at their faces, tears are streaking down their cheeks. My heart breaks at not only my pain but the looks of anguish filling my sister’s faces. Each one of these women are my sisters. Kim is the only one by blood, but the rest of these women are my sisters by choice.
After my brief pause, I continue to fill these women in on my life before coming here. There are a few parts of the story where I choke up and have to take a minute to compose myself. I never once give up on sharing my story with them until I’m done speaking. The second I’m done I sink to the ground and bury my head in my knees and arms. I don’t want to look at anyone or see the pity on their faces. Honestly, I need a few minutes to myself so I can get my tears stopped and not think about the past. It’s time to push these demons which haunt me to the back of my mind and shut them the fuck once and for all.
When I finally look up, each and every woman is standing in front of me. I’m helped up by Kim and pulled into her arms. She doesn’t let me go as each woman surrounds us and wraps their own arms around our little group. Sam is right behind me while Kim is in front of me. I know Sam is the one behind me because I smell her perfume and her chin is resting on my shoulder.
“I’m so sorry,” Kim says, pulling her head back from me to look me in the eyes. “If I had known about you, I’d have gotten you out of there. I wish I could take this pain from you and carry it on my shoulders. Make it so you never had to go through an ounce of what’s been done to you. Gwen, you’re the strongest woman I know and you’re only going to continue to grow and gain strength as you realize those assholes have no power over you anymore.”
“We’ve all been through our own shit and shit as ol’ ladies of the club. Gwen, we have nothing on you. Kim’s right, you’re definitely the strongest one out of all of us and I can’t wait to see you when you start realizing how strong you really are and the badass you’ll be when you finally finish growing and doing what you want to do. Our men are going to find these fuckfaces after you and you’ll have your day of justice against them,” Shy tells me, pulling me into her for a hug.
I’m passed from one woman to the next as they each give me a word of encouragement or praise and hug me. Not a single one of them look at me with disgust or pity in their eyes. Instead I see nothing but love, understanding, and strength coming from them. As I look toward the clubhouse, Killer and the rest of our men are standing there. They remind me of sentinels making sure no one gets close to us. I nod my head at Killer, and he strides toward me. I wipe the last of my tears away as he scoops me up in his arms.
“Are you okay?” he questions me, placing a gentle kiss against my forehead.
“Yeah. I feel the best I ever have since coming here. the only ones who don’t know everything are the guys. I don’t want to share with them. You can if you need to,” I answer him, tucking my face into the side of his neck and inhaling his smell. “I don’t want to live the rest of my life in fear of them coming after me. The only thing I want to do is build a life with you and make sure we’re both getting what we want out of it.”
“I’ll be there every step of the way Sparrow,” he states, and I know he means every single word of it.
Slim stops us just before entering. After watching me for several minutes, he nods his head and announces we’re going to order in food. All of us women are drained and don’t want to do much of anything after that talk. Killer carries me in our room and climbs into bed with me still firmly in his arms. He pulls the blanket from the end of the bed up over us and lets me fall asleep in his arms. Sleep is the best thing for me to have right now so I can begin to finish healing the last part of me that’s been broken.
Chapter Eighteen
Killer
I’VE BEEN WORKING at the garage all day long. Gwen’s been at the tattoo shop working so I haven’t had to worry about her as I normally do. Stryker and the rest of the guys are back, and he’s been keeping an eye on her. The only time she’s left is to grab lunch for everyone there. Phantom Ink has been busy as hell, so Gwen’s been running out most days to grab them lunch or drinks when they need it. Rich is on her so it’s not a big deal for her to be leaving. At least that’s what I tell myself.
Gwen is a creature of habit and grabs the same thing to eat every single day while she’s at work. Especially now since she hasn’t been feeling good. I’ve been trying to talk her into going to the doctor, but she won’t. That girl is stubborn as fuck and she’s gonna end up over my knee if she doesn’t go soon. I have no problem spanking her. Yeah, we’ve tried it while we’re fucking around because she wants to see if anything will trigger her while we’re having sex. So far nothing has.