As if reading my mind, Bo slipped away and headed toward the kitchen. “Let’s do this.”
Once we were all seated at the table, the awkward silence took back over. “So, Kacey, what do you do for a living?” Bo asked, trying to fill the void.
Kacey looked at me briefly before looking over at Bo. “I work for Bellman Interface. It’s an IT services firm that provides IT services to small and mid-sized businesses in this area and some surrounding towns. I’m one of the IT consultants.”
When Bo just stared at her dumbfounded, she shrugged. “Pretty much I’m a nerd who’s good with computers.” She laughed at herself, and I couldn’t stop myself from staring. The way her eyes crinkled and her lips turned up slightly, immediately took me back to college and all the nights spent snuggled up in bed laughing together. Just one laugh was already chipping away at years of pent up anger. God, I was pathetic.
“So, what about you two?” Kacey directed her question to both Bo and I, but never took her eyes off of me.
Oblivious to this, Bo began talking with a mouth full of food. “I’m an academic advisor to student athletes at Bellman.”
Kacey still hadn’t taken her eyes off of me and it was making me feel like I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. It was so unfair for her to look at me like that. “That’s awesome, Bo. I’m sure that’s a very rewarding job.” Kacey’s eyes studied mine even more closely now. “And… umm… what about you, Kari?”
I looked down at the table, her stare too much for me to take. “I’m a BCBA,” I answered softly, hoping no one noticed the way my voice cracked because of the sudden attention I was receiving.
Apparently Bailey didn’t. “What’s a BCBA?” she asked, her voice sounding both confused and excited.
Before I could respond, Kacey answered for me. “It’s a Board Certified Behavior Analyst, sweetheart.”
I looked up so my eyes met Kacey’s, a bolt of electricity shooting through me as soon as we connected. “You remembered.” My voice was barely above a whisper, and now my eyes were studying hers the same way she had been studying mine.
A look of absolute sincerity took over her face. “Of course I remember.” I thought the room might go up in flames from the heated stare passing between us across the table, but just like that Kacey looked away, suddenly interested in the food on her plate. She made a sound that seemed to be somewhat between a cough and a laugh. “I mean, you talked about it all the time in college. How could I forget? It’s cool that you did it though. Does that mean you got your master’s degree? Where are you working?”
Kacey was rambling now, something she rarely did. She only rambled when she got really nervous, which hardly ever happened, or at least it didn’t when I knew her ten years ago. I tried not to think about what that meant and focused on her questions instead.
“Yeah. I started the master’s program a year after I graduated. I work as an independent contractor for a behavioral health company. I mostly work with kids on the autism spectrum.”
Bo pointed his fork, that still had spaghetti hanging from it, toward me. “She’s pretty badass.” He then looked toward Bailey and dropped his fork. “Shit. Sorry, kid.”
Bailey giggled at his double slip-up. “Don’t worry about it, Mr. Bo. I’m in fourth grade. I’ve heard all of the swear words by now.”
I quickly tried to do the math in my head. Fourth grade? How old is someone in fourth grade? I thought hard, but it just didn’t seem to add up. “Fourth grade, huh?” I asked. “Aren’t you pretty young for fourth grade?”
Bailey nodded her head excitedly as if it was a point of pride for her. “I am. I don’t turn ten until June eighteenth. All of my friends in my class turn ten during the school year. My friend, Sally, is already ten. I still got the highest grade on the last spelling test though.”
I felt like the whole room was spinning as the reality crashed into me. I stood from the table, but had to rest my hand on it to stabilize myself. “Sorry. I have to use the restroom.” I wasn’t even sure if I’d spoken these words out loud, but I wasted no time heading up the stairs to Bo’s master bathroom, needing to get as far away as possible.
Once inside, I shut the door and took a few deep breaths. June eighteenth. I would never forget that date. Specifically, the June eighteenth just over nine years ago. The day my entire world shattered once and for all. The day that after months of wondering what was going on, I was left with even more questions in the form of a simple ‘We need to break up’ text.
With shaky hands, I scrolled through the calendar in my phone over and over again, hoping I was figuring this all out wrong. Wishing and praying that somehow this wasn’t what it looked like.
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a soft knock on the bathroom door. “Kari?” Kacey’s voice echoed across the room and made me feel sick to my stomach. “Could you please open up? I need to talk to you. I need to explain some things.”
No. This wasn’t happening. Not right here in Bo’s bathroom with my best friend and Kacey’s daughter downstairs. I leaned my head against the door, wanting to feel closer and further from her all at once. “We can’t have this talk right now.”
“Please,” Kacey begged, so much desperation in her voice that every ounce of me was aching to cave. “Bo and Bailey took Duke for a walk. It’s just the two of us.”
I reluctantly opened the door, surprised to find Kacey so close that she came stumbling into the bathroom. This time, it was her who stumbled into my arms. The same way I had stumbled into hers that night we first met. I shook these thoughts from my head and removed my hands from her arms, crossing them in front of my chest and staring daggers into her eyes.
“Listen. I can explain. It’s not what it seems.” Kacey tried to reach toward me, but I moved my arm away before she could and shook my head. I didn’t want to hear her explanation. I didn’t want to hear how this was somehow my fault. How she felt trapped or claustrophobic and made a mistake because of her fear. No. That wasn’t going to work for me. I couldn’t stand here and listen to that. I wouldn’t.
“It’s not what it seems, Kacey?” I snarled, finally bringing all of my anger from the past ten years up to the surface. “Because it seems like you cheated on me. You had sex with a guy while we were dating. Hell, while we were planning our future together, you screwed some guy and got yourself knocked up. And instead of being honest with me, you ran away like a coward. You ran away, but continued to lead me on for months. Continued to make me believe that we had a future. And for what? To dump me in a text message the day your daughter was born. Let me tell you. That’s rich.”
Kacey tried to say something, but I shook my head as the tears ran down my cheeks. “No. I have no interest in hearing anything you have to say.” I laughed sardonically through my tears. “You know what? This is actually a good thing. As much as I hate to admit it, I couldn’t move on from you, Kacey. Having you back here only proved just how much I hadn’t moved on over the past ten years. That’s not a problem anymore though. I have nothing to hold on to. Our relationship clearly meant nothing to you, and now, you mean nothing to me. So, thank you. You may be the world’s biggest asshole, but at least now I know that and can move on.”