I turned around to see her still lying peacefully on the couch. Kacey followed the direction of my gaze and laughed. “I swear that girl can sleep through anything.” She became serious again when her eyes landed back on mine. “I’m just going to grab her and we’ll get out of your hair. Thanks for doing this. I promise it won’t become a regular thing. I don’t want to bother you.”
She looked timid and unsure, which was so unlike her. I knew I should say something about what Bailey told me. The things I said when I thought she cheated on me were terrible, and no matter how much she hurt me, I felt the need to tell her that they weren’t true. But there were still so many unanswered questions. Did I really want to dig into the past so much?
As these thoughts swirled in my head, Kacey went and picked Bailey up off the couch, her muscles bulging out of her shirt as she carried the little girl back toward the door. “This was much easier when she was a baby.” She laughed slightly, but stopped when she realized that was probably a time she shouldn’t bring up. Kacey gave me a slight nod. “Well, thanks again. Umm… take care.”
I watched her walk away and questioned what I should do. “Kacey! Wait.”
When she turned around to look at me, a sleeping Bailey hanging from her arms, I couldn’t find the words I wanted to say. I pointed toward Bailey. “You got a good one there.”
A look of sincere gratitude came onto Kacey’s face. “Thanks, Kari. That really means a lot coming from you.”
***
By the time Monday rolled around, I still hadn’t gotten my conversation with Bailey out of my mind. I looked at the clock and saw that it was a quarter past eleven, which seemed like a good time to go knock on Kacey’s door. I figured she probably wouldn’t be home and I could at least tell myself that I tried.
When I walked outside and saw Kacey’s car in the driveway, I hoped it was a fluke. Maybe she was close enough to work to walk. I knew there was no way I could get that lucky though, which was confirmed when I knocked on the door and heard footsteps on the other side.
Kacey opened the door and froze. “Kari. Hey. I wasn’t expecting you.” She had her hair up in a bun and was wearing pajama pants and an old Bellman University T-shirt that I wished I didn’t recognize. She looked down at her outfit, then back at me. “I pretty much had to work all weekend, so I have today off. Clearly, I wasn’t expecting company.”
“No worries. You know what? I can just go.” This was such a stupid, stupid idea. I moved to turn around, but Kacey reached out and grabbed my arm, this simple touch causing my skin to feel like it was on fire.
“Do you… want to come in?”
She looked as nervous about her invitation as I felt, easing some of my tension. “No. Actually, yes. I need to talk to you.”
Kacey stepped to the side and motioned for me to come in. Having just moved in, her walls were still pretty bare, but she had already added a few personal touches. Pictures of her and Bailey were scattered upon shelves and above the fireplace.
“I’m still working on decorating,” Kacey explained when she noticed me taking it all in.
“Don’t worry. I’ve lived here for years and still feel like I’m trying to get the house looking exactly as I want it to.” I laughed, but it came out sounding much more strained than I intended it to.
Kacey sighed as she studied my face. “What did you want to talk to me about, Kari?”
I pointed toward her family room. “Could we sit maybe?”
Kacey nodded and motioned for me to walk ahead of her. I sat down on the couch and she chose a seat on the adjacent love seat. I cracked my knuckles as I stared over at her, wondering where to start. My knee started to bounce up and down as my nerves became even worse. I couldn’t take the unease I felt building throughout my body, so I stood from the couch and started pacing. “On second thought, I don’t think I can sit.” Instead of looking at Kacey, I stared at my feet as they moved across the carpet. “Bailey told me.”
“Bailey told you what?” Kacey asked hesitantly.
I stopped my movements and finally looked up at Kacey, trying to ignore the way eye contact from her made me feel. “She told me you’re not really her mom.”
“Wait, she said that?” Kacey’s voice dropped to barely a whisper as if the words had hurt her.
“I think I may have worded that wrong. I’m sorry. She never told me you weren’t her mom. She just told me that it was your sister who was pregnant, not you. So, pretty much, I feel like a jackass for some of the things I said to you.” I shook my head, feeling frustrated about all of the questions I had. “Except, I also don’t. I have so many questions. I tried to ignore them all and move on, but I can’t. For once, I just want you to be honest with me about what happened.” I could feel my blood boil the more I spoke, and it was showing in the rising of my voice.
“Maybe… you should sit,” Kacey said softly. “This might take awhile.”
I reluctantly sat down on the couch and stared over at her, motioning for her to continue.
Kacey took a deep breath and blew it out. “So, while we were dating, I never told you a ton about my family. It’s because I was embarrassed. Your family is great. Your parents were always loving and supportive. Your sister was hilarious. I wanted to keep the life I knew growing up completely separate from the life I had at college. It was supposed to be a clean slate for me, a fresh start. You didn’t see me as the girl with a deadbeat alcoholic mother or an out of control sister.”
My eyes went wide. “I didn’t know any of that.”
“Of course you didn’t. That’s how I wanted it to be.” A few tears came to Kacey’s eyes and she quickly wiped them away, always having to be the tough one. “I wasn’t happy growing up. My dad was never in the picture. My mom was in and out of my life until I was about ten and then she left for good. My grandma provided us with the essentials, but she wasn’t the nurturing type by any means so I pretty much had to raise my sister. Instead of being thankful for everything I did, she resented me. She rebelled against everything I said to the point that I just couldn’t take it anymore. I got a scholarship to Bellman and never looked back. I just wanted to leave that part of my life behind me.”
“But you didn’t leave it behind…”
Kacey shook her head, almost looking ashamed. “When my grandma called me during our senior year to tell me that my seventeen-year-old sister was pregnant, I wanted to tell her to deal with it and slam the phone. But something stopped me. Something told me I had to go home and help.”
I put my head in my hands. I wanted to scream at Kacey and hug her at the same time. “So, you left…” I prompted.
Kacey stood and walked over to the couch, sitting down next to me and taking my hand. “You have to know that I never intended to break up with you. I still wanted to be with you. I wanted the life we had planned together.”
I pulled my hand away, unable to handle the feelings coursing through me. “So, what changed?”
“It became obvious pretty quickly that my sister wasn’t ready to raise a child and frankly had no interest in it. I figured we would put her up for adoption, but the day she was born, that all changed. One look at Bailey and my heart was gone.”