Once we were inside and I was seated on the couch, Kacey handed me a glass of water and Tylenol. I took the medicine and quickly drank the whole glass of water, then pushed my bottom lip out as I looked at Kacey. “Why won’t you kiss me? Do you not want to kiss me?”
Kacey rolled her eyes at me. “I think we both know the answer to that, but you’re drunk. I won’t do something with you while you’re drunk that you won’t do sober.”
I reached out my arms and pulled her down on top of me. “You always were so chivalrous,” I said into her neck.
Kacey quickly stood and reached her hand toward me. “We should get you to bed.”
In my drunken state, I almost started to cry at the thought of going home alone. “I don’t want to be by myself on New Year’s.”
Kacey took my hand and directed me toward the stairs. “You can sleep in my bed. That way, I’m here to take care of you if you get sick.” Soon, we were in her bedroom and Kacey sat me down on her bed, then headed to her dresser. She pulled out shorts and a T-shirt and threw them over to me. “Here. This will be more comfy to sleep in.”
I didn’t miss how she purposefully turned around while I changed. I giggled as I started to remove my outfit. “You know, there’s nothing here you haven’t seen before.”
“Yep. So, there’s no need for me to look.”
“But you don’t want to look?” I knew I was teasing her, but couldn’t help it in that moment, a heat burning between my legs that I couldn’t contain.
Kacey groaned. “Again, I think you know the answer to that.”
Realizing Kacey wasn’t going to be anything but respectful, I got myself dressed and crawled into her bed. After a few minutes, Kacey finally turned around and walked back to the bed. She bent down and ran a hand through my hair, then placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. “You’re so beautiful.”
Her words sent a whole new sensation through my body and I reached a hand out toward her. “Will you cuddle with me? Please?” I could tell Kacey was about to protest, so I put my hand up to stop her words. “I cuddle with you sober.”
“But not in bed.”
“I promise to keep my hands to myself.” I gave her a look I knew she couldn’t resist. It was the look that had convinced her to stay with me in my dorm room after many drunken nights and the look that could get her to bed when she insisted on staying up to study when we lived together. “Please?”
Kacey smiled knowingly. “That’s unfair. You know I can’t resist that face.” Her smile grew as I pulled down the covers and motioned for her to get in beside me. “Let me get ready. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”
By the time she crawled into bed beside me, I was almost asleep. I naturally grabbed her arm and placed it around my waist so she could spoon me from behind. The sensation of her arm wrapped tightly around me as she held me close, brought back every memory I had been trying to suppress. I moved closer to her and allowed our bodies to melt together, the way they always did. I sighed contently as I drifted completely off to sleep. “I love you, Kacey.”
Chapter 11
My eyes popped open, and I shot up as the memories from the night before came into my head. I looked toward Kacey who still had an arm wrapped tightly around me and knew I hadn’t imagined it. I cringed as the ending to the night played out in my memory.
After getting in bed, Kacey had held me tight. Call it a reflex. Call it drunken truth. Call it sleepy confessions. No matter what you call it, I had told Kacey that I loved her as I fell asleep. But that wasn’t the part that got to me. I wasn’t freaking out over how true those words were, even if it was scary to admit. What really took me by surprise was what followed the long silence that lingered between us. The words Kacey spoke softly after she was sure I was asleep. “I love you too, Kari. I love you so much.”
Her words sounded sad, as if loving me was the most painful thing in the world. And maybe it was for her. I had given her just enough of me without giving her the part she really wanted, and I hated the fact that I was hurting her, but I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to hurt her but was also terrified of getting myself hurt.
My stomach churned and I wasn’t sure if it had to do with Kacey’s confession or the tequila shots, but I knew I had to get it out. I quickly ran to the bathroom, making it just in time to hurl into the toilet. When I walked back out a few minutes later, Kacey was standing and watching me. “I was just about to come check if you were okay.” She looked toward the ground, where she dragged one foot slowly across the carpet. “So, about last night…”
“Yeah, you might want to fill me in. What happened after I got here? It’s all blank after the glass of water,” I lied. I hated lying to Kacey, but I wasn’t sure if I was ready to have this conversation.
Apparently, she wasn’t either. I watched her body relax as she took a deep breath. “Nothing really. You insisted on staying here. We cuddled.” She looked up at me. “Is that okay? I wasn’t trying to pull anything. You were just very persistent.”
Before I could answer, Bailey ran into the room. Her eyes lit up when she looked at me. “Kari! What are you doing here? Did you come for breakfast?”
My eyes were wide as I looked between Bailey and Kacey. It seemed like lying was going to be a regular occurrence this morning. “I did, but I’m actually not feeling well, so I’m going to go.”
I started to leave the room, but Bailey followed closely behind me. “Do you have a stomach ache? My mom is really good at taking care of stomach aches. She always makes me feel better.”
I heard Kacey following us down the stairs and turned to face them once we were at the bottom. “I wouldn’t want to get either of you sick. Plus, I’m sure you guys have New Year’s Day plans, and I don’t want to interrupt.”
“Are you sure? We were just going to hang out. You wouldn’t be interrupting. We would love to have you here.” I couldn’t miss the disappointment written all over Kacey’s face, and it was almost enough to make me change my mind. Then I looked toward Bailey, who was equally disappointed and that was enough to change my mind. I couldn’t let her down just because Kacey and I had unresolved issues.
“Okay. I’ll stay. But only because I want to hear all about your trip to New York.”
As we ate breakfast, Bailey spoke animatedly about their trip, but Kacey was quiet. Anytime I looked at her, it seemed like she was lost in her own thoughts, and I wondered if she was thinking about our late-night confessions. I knew I was. The few times she spoke during breakfast, all I could hear in my head was the way the word love sounded leaving her lips and how I wanted to hear it again and again. But I also couldn’t shake the sadness in her voice and that made me question everything I had done with Kacey these past few months. How I treated our relationship that was constantly teetering between friendship and something much more.
Now, I really was feeling sick, so I excused myself and gave both Bailey and Kacey quick hugs before practically running out the door. I had a lot to figure out and sitting at breakfast with Kacey wasn’t going to help any of the questions running through my head.