My palms wandered down her sides. I pulled at the bottom of her shirt before I edged back enough to slip it up between us. We were a tangle of arms when I tugged it loose, our faces a breath apart.
In the dim light, her hair was the deepest black, her eyes a searing green. For a moment, I just gazed at her, curling a lock of her hair around my index finger. A bond. I didn’t get it, why anchoring myself to her this way felt as if I were home… even when home was what I’d destroyed so long ago.
Aly just stared, her throat bobbing heavily as she swallowed down whatever doubt flashed across her features. Shaky fingers reached out to caress my bottom lip. “I am yours, Jared. Take me.”
Deep inside, I thrashed, a fury of nerves and need and a broken spirit that for the first time felt as if it were almost whole. Fear beat a steady drum and bound itself to my heart. It danced with the guilt, the shame of what I already knew I was about to do.
Because every part of me knew this was fucking wrong.
All except for the part that knew her, wanted her, the part that was drowning in a desire that screamed louder than any lash of fear and hurt worse than any lick of shame.
The part that knew the only thing that mattered was Aly.
My Aly.
I sat up on my knees as I leaned over to work her shorts and panties down her slender legs. I tossed them behind me to the floor.
Aly wet her lips, her chest rising and falling in spastic quakes, her gaze intense. “Jared, please, I need you.”
Lust shot through me as I looked down at her fully exposed, lying back on the bed that had become like a reprieve from the storm that ruled my life. With hungry eyes, I traced the slope of her neck, the swell of her breasts, the curve of her hips. Her knees were bent, her feet planted, her arms draped over her head where her hair was fanned out, framing her perfect face.
No doubt, she was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. But tonight, looking at her felt different, felt like maybe I was looking at life. Another lie. One when behind her door, I’d be foolish enough to believe.
I rose from the bed and shed the rest of my clothes.
A small smile whispered at just one side of her mouth as she watched me. Trust I didn’t deserve edged out the fear on her face.
Nudging her knees apart, I climbed back onto the bed and settled between her thighs. I kissed her slowly while my body screamed. I pushed up on one hand and held her face in the other, my thumb caressing the apple of her cheek, searching her eyes for any sign that I should stop.
Her jaw was slack, her skin flushed. Aly arched her back, forcing her chest into mine, her neck extended as she begged for my touch. She lifted her chin as if in supplication, offering herself to me. “I am yours,” she promised again.
Need tumbled through me, surged, and rushed. I groaned into her neck and kissed along the sensitive skin. My nose ran along the ridge of her jaw as I held her by the back of her head. My fingers got lost in the mass of her hair. I pressed a gentle kiss to the hollow beneath her ear, before I turned to the swells of her breasts, devouring her skin, feasting on the pure, taking the good.
“Please,” she begged as she lifted her hips.
Straining, my body begged, warring with the hesitation. I was at her center, rubbing shamelessly against her warmth, our skin bare as I brought us closer than we’d ever been.
My arms caged her, fingers boring into the skin at the base of her scalp, my voice little more than a ragged grunt. “Aly, are you sure? We said we weren’t going to do this.”
She buried her face in my neck and mumbled, “All I want is you.”
It was the thought of being fully lost in her that left me without resolve. We’d spent so many nights as fools, pretending we wouldn’t end up in this very place. Those nights had only been a taste of the pleasure that I knew was now to come.
I’d seen those pink packs of pills in her bathroom a thousand times. And I was clean. I’d checked that shit out after I began sleeping in her bed. No chance would I risk spreading her any filth.
My stomach tightened, and I edged back until I was poised at her center. I barely pressed into her, let her warmth send shivers rushing up my spine as I watched her mouth part and her eyes darken exactly the way I imagined they would.
“Jared.” Aly swallowed frantically. She seemed to be flailing for solid ground. Fingertips dug into the bunched muscles of my shoulders that were held tight in restraint. The nerves that raced across her skin were palpable, lifted as goose bumps, and spread as heat. Aly quivered a smile and exhaled a shaky breath across my face. “I feel you.”
Shit.
I was about to lose all control. I pulled back before I took her deeper. Aly’s legs trembled and she tightened them on my hips.
Her face pinched. “Ow.”
Fuck, I hated myself so badly for doing this. My knees shook, my elbows digging into the bed as my hands fisted in her hair. She was so tight. Painfully tight. I couldn’t fucking breathe as I slowly spread her.
Broke her.
Took what never should have been mine.
“Aleena” wept from my mouth.
Tears gathered in her eyes and streaked down the sides of her face, trailing along the crease of her ears before they disappeared into her hair.
“Fuck, Aly, baby, I’m so sorry… I’m so fucking sorry.”
A smile trembled at her mouth. “Don’t.” Hoarseness coated her voice. “I want this. I want you. It’s just… all of this… it’s perfect.”
A sheen of sweat glistened across her forehead, and strands of hair clung to her dampened face. I swept it back, looking down at the girl who’d completely shaken me as she stared up at me. Her expressive eyes shone with affection.
We just lay there.
Bonded as one.
If I believed in soul mates or any of that shit, I knew she was mine. I could feel it, this connection with her I couldn’t possibly share with anyone else. Like we fit, this fucked-up puzzle that made no sense until we aligned the pieces. But it wasn’t possible. I didn’t get the happy ending, and even if I did, I’d only ruin it. Just like I knew I was ruining her now.
I held myself rigid, refusing to move while she adjusted, while the shock of what I’d taken from her passed. Her uneven breaths slowed and her legs loosened the grip they had on my hips. My thighs shook with the loose thread I had on my control.
I felt the moment she let go. “I’m yours,” she mouthed.
And I took. My body strained, pushed, and pled as hers accepted and gave. I rocked into her again and again. I savored the little pants I forced from the depths of her throat, the way her fingers felt as they cut into my skin. Our bodies burned, heat slicking our stomachs and pooling in the valley between her breasts as I moved with her in a way I’d never moved with anyone before. I mean, how many other girls had I been with? I had no clue. Because they were easily forgotten. But this… being with Aly was different, and I knew I’d never forget.