“We need to get you to bed. You can sleep this off, but you need a bed. Not a tub full of ice water.”
Maddox was stubborn, but so was I.
He gritted his teeth, a storm flashing across his face. “Fuck… off. Leave.”
“No.”
He let out an empty laugh. “Then how about… you shut the fuck up… and sit on my face instead? Be a nice… give me good… pussy and cheer me… up, why don’t you?”
That was drunk Maddox speaking, I reminded myself. He was barricading himself against me, trying to be hurtful and mean – to push me away.
I blew out a frustrated breath and reached under his armpits, pulling him up. He sat forward, and the water sluiced onto the sides. I turned off the running tap with one hand while supporting Maddox’s limp body against the crook of my arm. “I’m going to ignore what you just said. But still, you need to get out of this tub before you catch pneumonia,” I mumbled. “Don’t be a jerk.”
His clothes were soaked through, and I couldn’t get him in bed in this state. Shit.
His eyes closed, and his head slumped over my shoulders, with his nose buried in my neck. A shiver racked through my body because Maddox was practically freezing as I dragged him out of the tub.
“I’m sorry,” I said in a low voice. “But I’m going to have to get you out of these clothes.”
Maddox was going to catch a cold if I left him like this. He mumbled something under his breath as a response. He settled on the edge of the tub as I peeled his wet shirt over his head. It wasn’t my first-time seeing Maddox shirtless, but I still found myself pausing to stare.
Maddox was ripped, sculptured and…
No, stop! Don’t look.
I averted my gaze and worked efficiently, trying my hardest not to stare longer than I needed at his naked body. He slurred more profanities at me, but I chose to ignore all of them. Once he was clad in his grey sweatpants and a shirt I found lying on the floor in his room, I dragged Maddox out of the bathroom.
My knees almost buckled under his weight. “Jesus, you’re heavy.”
He snorted in response as his body shuddered violently.
I hated this.
I was angry, so goddamn furious, that nobody thought to check on him. His parents or Mr. Hokinson. Anyone, damn it! What if I hadn’t found him when I did? He could have accidentally drowned himself or… worse.
I was livid and fuck…
My heart ached.
How could Maddox be so careless? Didn’t he understand how precious life was… and how easily it could slip out of our grasp? In a blink of an eye… everything – gone.
Tears burnt the back of my eyes, and I sniffled. “Why, Maddox? God, why?”
“Stop being a bitch… come and sit on my dick if... you won’t stop yapping…” he slurred.
“I’m going to throw you on your ass if you throw one more insult at me, Maddox,” I warned him. He stumbled and jerked out of my grasp, swearing under his breath.
“You're all bark and no fucking bite, Garcia,” Maddox snarled, his eyes opened into slits.
He was angry – about something. I didn’t know what, but if I could take a lucky guess, it had to do with his parents.
I understood that. But he didn't have to be an asshole.
When he stumbled again, his legs giving out under him, I grabbed his arm and hauled him to bed. Once he settled on the mattress, he swatted my hand away. It didn't hurt, but it still stung.
With my hands on my hips, I squinted down at him. “Don't do this, Maddox. I'm going to walk away.”
The warning gained me a reaction, a small one. He opened his bloodshot eyes and stared at me, his expression a mask of unfiltered pain. “Then go. That's what they always do anyway. Walk away.”
Goddamn it, did he have to hurt my heart like this?
I rubbed a hand over the ache in my chest, attempting to relieve the dull pain there.
“There is no reason for you to be mean to me when I'm only trying to help,” I said softy, running my fingers through his wet hair. “Don't push me away.”
Maddox let out a mocking laugh and closed his eyes. So be it.
I got off the bed and was only able to take a step away before he grabbed my hand. Firm and strong, even in his state. “Don't go. Don't leave…me," he croaked. The cracks in his voice made me pause. “I'm scared… scared of being alone.”
I settled back on the bed again, all fight leaving me in one breath.
Maddox wasn't complicated in ways everyone liked to believe. Once I got to know him, I really saw him, the real him, and realized that he only hid behind a mask.
“You can't do this, Maddox. You can't be an asshole and then ask me to stay with that look on your face.” Like a kicked puppy, a lost boy, a broken man. My sweet Maddox, with a heart of gold.
“Don't wanna lose you,” he mumbled. Maddox grasped my hand in his, albeit clumsily, because he was still really drunk. Our fingers interlaced together, and his hold tightened.
I gave his hand a squeeze in comfort and in warning. “I don't do toxic relationships.”
His eyes cracked open, and he gave me a small smile. There was something melancholy about it. He had the appearance of a desperate man, starving and reaching blindly toward something, but it always escaped out of his grasp before he could grab hold. Maddox was breaking my heart, and there was nothing I could do to end this suffering.
“We're not in a relationship.”
I knew that but I still asked. Maybe I was a glutton for pain. “Then, what are we?”
His gaze fixated on me again, eyes so blue they looked like the midwinter sky – beautiful yet dreary. “You're... more,” he whispered the confession. “Don’t leave, Lila.”
He said my name like a prayer, as if he was whispering all his hopes to heaven.
With that said, he closed his eyes again, and this time, he was no longer conscious. I looked down at our hands, and I swallowed back my tears. “What are you doing to me, Maddox?”
Before I could think twice about my actions, I climbed under the comforter and joined him. His body was still cold, but slowly regaining its warmth. Under the strong smell of alcohol and tobacco, his scent still lingered. Warm, rich and earthy…
I didn’t know when it happened or why I didn’t realize it until now, but Maddox’s familiar scent brought me comfort.
I curled into his side; our fingers still intertwined. He needed me; he needed his friend. “I’m not leaving. Pinky swear.”
Maddox was bad.
There was a boy once, a boy just like him, who ruined me and left me scarred.
Maddox was everything I stayed away from; he was everything I didn’t need in my life.
I told myself… never again. I’d never let myself be weak around men like Maddox.
But no matter how much I tried to walk away, to put distance between us, to somehow end this friendship… he wouldn’t let go.
He was bad. He smoked, he was too hasty about life, he liked to break the law, he broke girls like me – he left a trail of shattered hearts behind him, and he didn’t care about anything. I thought… maybe it was because no one taught him how to care for another human being.
I saw a few glimpses of the Maddox he tried to hide from everyone, the Maddox who just wanted his parents’ approval – that Maddox was starving for attention.