For years, I’d swallowed down my confusing feelings and kept them locked away in a forbidden place, refusing to acknowledge them. My throat itched as I forced back a cry, and my lungs seemed to collapse.
You know what you feel.
No! I didn’t!
I couldn’t.
Never.
Stop hiding and stop ignoring it.
I… couldn’t.
I chewed on my lip until it bled, and my knees buckled from the realization – what I felt for Maddox, it was so much more and I was damn afraid to acknowledge it.
Why was this so hard?
Maybe I was stupid.
Maybe I had completely lost my mind. It was the only explanation to why I was in Maddox’s apartment, waiting for him to get home. It was almost midnight, and the last time I had seen him was…
When he had left the event right after our dance.
Maddox still hadn’t come home yet.
I wrung my hands in nervousness, the feeling of anxiety pooling in my stomach. God, what was I doing?
Why was I even… here? At his place, waiting for him.
Stupid, stupid Lila.
What was I going to do when he came back? Hug him? Kiss him?
Nothing.
I’d stare at him, and he’d look into my eyes, that would be it. Because we were… friends.
Such a brutal lie it was. Friends…
The closer we became, the more I noticed smaller things about Maddox. What he loved, what he enjoyed, what pissed him off or annoyed him, his quirks and his ticks, and with every new thing I learned about him over the last three years, it became harder to pull away.
To ignore whatever was brewing between us; yet, we refused to acknowledge it.
He slept with other girls.
I dated other men.
We were best friends.
It was simple to the world, to him, but I was battling a war on my own.
My head fell into my hands and a choked sound escaped me. What am I doing?
The clock ticked with every second that went by, and when I finally couldn’t take it anymore, I snapped to my feet. No, I shouldn’t have been here.
This was a… mistake.
I was confused and…scared…and feeling too much.
The last thing I needed was to be this close to Maddox if he came home. I had to leave. Shaking my head in desolation, I strode for the door.
I never reached it because the door swung open and Maddox entered his apartment, stumbling inside drunkenly. Sweet Mother Mary, he was out… drinking?
He halted at the sight of me, and his lips curled. “Lila.” He breathed my name like a whispered prayer to the heavens above.
Was he praying for absolution or destruction? Because whispering my name like that could only destroy us.
He slammed the door closed behind him and stalked forward.
“You’re drunk,” I accused, taking a small step back.
He hummed, smiling. He stood in front of me, our chests barely touching, and my gaze met his. “You’re so beautiful,” he blurted out.
God, he was completely out of his mind. Maddox wasn’t just drunk; he was really drunk.
He bent his head and stuck his nose against the crook of my neck, inhaling sharply. Was he…sniffing me?
“Beautiful,” he breathed, before his body slumped forward into mine.
“Maddox!” He was so heavy, my knees almost buckled under his weight. “Maddox?”
Did he just… pass out?
I took his shoulders in my hands and tried to shake him awake. He groaned, but otherwise, didn’t move. Shit.
With the rest of my strength, I dragged his heavy body into his room. Maddox barely made any effort, because he was practically dead to the world. How much drink did he have? And why?
God, I was so tired from asking that question – why?
I pushed him on the bed, hating that he drank so much in one night. Before I could pull away, his arm curled around my waist, and he tugged me forward, and I fell on top of him.
His throat bobbed as he groaned. I shifted over his body, trying to break free, but for someone as drunk as Maddox, he was still too strong for me. His arm was a band of steel around my hips, keeping me locked against him. He wasn’t letting go.
I shifted away but then sucked in a harsh breath when I felt…
My throat went dry. This wasn’t happening.
His cock strained through his jeans, the bulge pressing indecently into my stomach.
“Lila.” My name on his lips sounded like poetry. So right, so perfect… so filthy.
I pressed my hands over his pecs and pushed. “Maddox, let go.”
He did the opposite.
Maddox rolled us over until I was underneath him, trapped against his body. My legs fell open, and I gasped as he settled between my spread thighs. His eyes split open, hazy and filled with… hunger.
His gaze fell to my lips, and he lingered there, his eyelids hooded.
“Maddox,” I whispered.
“Say it… again. My… name.”
I was utterly helpless in his arms. “Maddox.” His name echoed from my lips.
“Again,” he demanded.
“Maddox.”
He released a shuddering breath before bending his head, pressing his face into my throat. He nuzzled me, his lips caressing my skin. I trembled, goosebumps breaking over my flesh.
He ran his lips down my collarbone, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin there, and I let out an involuntarily shudder. “Don’t,” I warned, but it was a weak attempt.
Maddox hummed low in his throat, his chest vibrating with the sound. He lowered his body over mine, forcing me into the mattress. He wrapped around me like a cocoon.
We were chest to chest, hips to hips, his hardness against my heated core – so fucking close. There was not even an inch of breath between us.
The area between my legs throbbed, and I clenched, seeking for something but feeling… empty.
Maddox was still nuzzling my throat, kissing me as if it wasn’t atypical, as if we weren’t best friends, as if everything around us would crumble as we remained intimately wrapped in each other’s arms.
“Fuck,” he grunted against my skin, and his hips jerked, pressing against the most sensitive part of me. My lips parted, shocked, and a silent gasp escaped me.
My hands fumbled toward his shoulders, and my nails dug into his back.
This was so wrong.
Stop.
Don’t stop.
Maddox swiveled his hips before grinding against my pussy. We were both fully clothed, and my best friend was humping me like a horny teenager.
And I didn’t want to stop him.
How long had I forbid myself from imagining this? Too long.
He was drunk; it wasn’t his fault. I was fully aware, and it would be my guilt to bear.
We should have stopped.
No, don’t stop.
Maddox grinded his erection against me. He was so hard; I could feel him through the layers of our clothes. My core grew hot and wet. Molten desire spread through my veins, and my stomach dipped to my toes.
His breath hitched, and I let out a moan when his hips jerked again, the zipper of his jeans pressing hard against my sensitive core through my shorts. The friction left my body wanting more, and I became needy. My pussy clenched as the need to be filled became strong.
Maddox thrust into me, again and again, the motion too similar to fucking.
My thighs trembled, and my heart seized.
He kissed his way down my throat, biting and sucking softly at my skin. His palm caressed the curve of my breasts, feeling the heavy mounds in his hands. His grunts and his groans were music to my ears, even as I tried to remind myself how wrong this was.