It’s wrong. I released his shoulders and pushed a hand between us.
This is wrong. My fingers traced my wet slit through my shorts.
Maddox rubbed against me again, and it was a delicious sensation that had my eyes fluttering closed.
I shoved a hand into my shorts and tugged my panties aside. My eyes blurred with tears as a whimper echoed from my lips. It felt so good, even though it was so wrong.
“Fuck, goddamn it,” he cursed, the muscles in his neck corded, and his face tensed.
His thrusts grew jerkier and faster. He was chasing his orgasm, climbing toward something forbidden between us.
My thumb slid over my swollen clit, and my hips jerked up. I was so hot, and my fingers glided over my wetness. My knuckles brushed against my pussy lips, feeling the way my core contracted. I was so turned on; I’d never been this wet before. I gathered my wetness with two fingers and rubbed my pulsing clit. Pleasure spiked through me and my back bowed.
The feel of Maddox’s lips against my throat and his hands kneading my breasts had my eyes rolling back into my head. His thumb skimmed over my hardened nipple through my top, and I shuddered. My body easily responded to his touch, and I realized I had been craving this for the longest time.
“Lila,” he groaned out hoarsely. “Fuck, Lila. My Lila.”
Maddox humped me, thrusting, and I rocked my hips against his in unison, finding a rhythm between us. I imagined he really was fucking me. No clothes, no barrier between us, and our bare bodies pressed together in the most intimate way two human beings could be together.
The image of us fucking was so decadently sinful and filthy. My calves tightened, and my whole body clenched as I climbed up and up toward my release.
I rubbed myself faster before sliding my thumb over my clit and pinching it. My vision blurred, and my whole spasmed as I choked back a gasp before biting on my lip. Wetness pooled between my thighs, coating my fingers and panties with my shameful release. Wet and sticky, I continued to rub myself in leisure strokes, feeling the little twitches of my pussy after my orgasm.
Maddox thrust hard, and I gasped before a moan spilled past my lips. He tensed above me, and his hips stilled, his head thrown back with a low, deep grunt. Warmth spread through his jeans, and I could feel it through my shorts. He just came.
Maddox’s eyes pierced me for a second and then he slumped over my body.
The moment was gone, and I was instantly filled with shame and immense guilt. My stomach twisted, bile coating every inch of my mouth.
What have I done?
There was absolutely no excuse. Maddox had been drunk, and I took advantage of the situation for my own pleasure. He probably wasn’t going to remember this tomorrow morning…
But what if… he did?
My heart thudded in my chest, and I swallowed back a sob. I removed my hand from my panties, the stickiness on my fingers a harsh reminder of our actions. I stretched my arm out and kept the hand I pleasured myself with far away from us.
Maddox buried his face in my shoulder. His body went slack, and I felt him soft snores against my skin. The heaviness of him sank into me like a warm blanket, and for a brief moment, I imagined how it’d be to fall asleep in his arms every night and to wake up next to him, just like this. As much as the fantasy was sweet, it would only have a bitter ending.
My fingers slid through his hair, my nails grazing the back of his neck softly, just the way he liked it. My lips parted, wanting to whisper my secret, but I felt choked. The heart is a traitor, and, in that moment, I could feel all my defenses crumbling to the ground.
Maddox grumbled something under his breath, and it sounded like my name. His arm tightened around my hip, and my arms curled around his shoulders as a lone tear slid down my cheeks. I didn’t want to let go… but I had to.
“If I love you, I give you the power to destroy me. I’m not strong enough for that. I can’t be just another girl to you, Maddox. I need to be more; I deserve more, and I don’t think you can give that. I can’t risk us and what we are. We’re beautiful… just like this. Friends.”
I prayed Maddox woke up in the morning with no memory of what we had just done.
I’d take this secret to my grave, and I would bear this guilt on my own.
34
Maddox
A week later
My fingers drummed over my thighs as I waited for Lila to come down the stairs. I left her an hour ago to get dressed, and if we didn’t leave in five minutes, we were going to be late to the gala.
I was in a tuxedo, which was appropriate for the evening gala we were attending. It was an auctioning event and dinner, my parents being the guests of honor. My dad called me last night and demanded me to be present. I told him to fuck off and hung up with absolutely no intention to attend the gala. I didn’t give a shit if this was important to him or that it was appropriate for me to be there to show my face and support to my parents.
It was Lila who convinced me.
The gala was being held in California, and she wanted to visit the beach. Lila said it was a great opportunity for a small vacation after such a long semester, and I couldn’t say no to her. I could never refuse her of anything.
So, we took a plane here. We’d go to the gala tonight, and tomorrow, I was going to teach her how to surf.
The sound of heels clicking against the hardwood brought my attention to the stairs. Lila came into view, and my breath caught in my throat.
Breathtaking.
She descended the stairs carefully, a silky black off-the-shoulder dress clinging to her slender curves and fluttering around her feet, which were adorned with glittering silver heels. It was plain and simple, yet elegant with a thigh high split. Her creamy thigh was visible through the gap as she walked toward me, a silver clutch in her hand.
Her hair was piled up on her head, in a bun, with a few curly strands of black hair fanning her cheeks. Her dreamcatcher necklace hung between the valley of her breasts, and she wore a smile that made my knees weak.
She did a slow spin. “So, how do I look?”
Her pouty red lips had my dick straining against my black slacks and I stifled a groan.
“Pretty,” I rumbled.
Lila pursed her lips, pouting. “Just pretty?”
I took a step toward her, unable to stop myself. “Gorgeous. Beautiful. Exquisite. Stunning. Lovely. Angelic. Breathtaking. Ravishing. Elegant. Bewitching. Alluring. Heavenly. The angels would bow to you because they can’t compete. So. Fucking. Exquisite.”
Her lips parted, a hitch in her breathing, and she blinked at me through her long, thick lashes that should have been unnatural but everything about Lila was natural. “You said exquisite twice,” she breathed.
My fingers skimmed over her bare arms. Her skin broke into goosebumps and a small shiver racked through her small frame. “Because you’re twice as exquisite,” I confessed, in a raspy croak.
My body burned with a sensation I knew too well, and my pants grew tight around my groin as my dick became harder in her mere presence. I didn’t even have to touch her, and I was already leaking cum at the tip.
It was lust, I told myself.
But I lusted after other women before, and whatever I felt for Lila didn’t come close to lust.
And I hated myself for feeling this way.
Just like I hated myself on that morning, a week ago. I woke up to be an empty bed, but I still felt Lila’s presence next to me. It was a dream; though, it had seemed so real, so vivid.