I can’t speak without him knowing how his words affect me. Instead, I lace my fingers through his and relax into his hold.
In two days, I will be McKinley Chamberlin.
Chapter 41
Evan
Waking up alone after having her in my arms for the past week is not something I’m fond of. Yesterday, her family and my dad’s parents flew in. The house was full and Lexi stole the show. I love my little girl, but I couldn’t take my eyes off McKinley. She likes to talk with her hands and every time the diamond—my diamond—would sparkle. The women gushed over it; Aaron just gave me a nod, the men not saying much at all. This situation is unique. They don’t know when I bought the ring, I was thinking of her being mine forever. They didn’t see how it took me hours to fall asleep last night because she wasn’t there. They don’t understand that I fall harder every damn day. And they don’t get that the day she finally walks away, when this…ends, my heart will be shattered.
With the new members added to the fold yesterday, sleeping arrangements changed. My dad’s parents are staying here. The steps were hard for them, but they wanted to be close to Dad. There’s a spare room, so it worked out. Jerry, Sarah, and Aaron are staying at a local hotel. Sarah had the bright idea McKinley should stay with them since Dad’s parents were taking the spare room. She went on to say it’s bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other on the wedding day. I pulled McKinley aside and begged her not to go. Yes, I begged her. I would have given anything for her to stay with me last night. She kissed me like it might be the last time and left with her parents and brother.
I’m man enough to admit I missed the hell out of her. I told her I would. She chuckled and said, “You’ll be fine.” I am, but I’m not happy. I’m addicted to her, which might make me a whipped pussy, but I couldn’t give a fuck less. If that’s how it has to be, how I’m going to be with her in my life, I’ll take. I’ll take every fucking second of it as long as she’s with us.
Lexi is talking her cute-as-hell baby babble, letting me know it’s time to get my tired ass out of bed. Throwing the covers back, I make my way to the pack-n-play. “Morning, baby girl.” I reach for her and her little arms and legs go crazy. I kiss her cheek and she babbles some more. “I think we need to call Kinley, let her say good morning. What do you think?” She grins and shrieks. Sometimes, I swear she understands what we’re saying to her.
After a quick diaper change, I lay her on the center of the bed, grab my phone, and hit Kinley’s contact. It rings once before she picks up.
“Evan,” she says in greeting.
“Morning, beautiful. I have someone who wants to talk to you.” I don’t wait to hear what she says. Instead, I place the phone next to Lexi’s ear. At first, she goes still, until she hears Kinley’s voice. Her eyes look around, searching for her. Whatever Kinley’s saying excited her because those hands and legs start to go crazy again. I know it’s not what she says, but the sound of her voice. Lexi loves her; it’s easy to see that.
Pulling the phone back to my ear, I say, “She misses you.”
“I miss her too, both of you,” she adds softly.
“Last night was a terrible idea,” I grumble.
She laughs. “I know, but how could I tell my mother no. She’s set on this ‘no seeing each other before the wedding’ business. I don’t know if I’ll ever get married again, so I thought I would at least give her this.”
Get married again.
At those words, I want to yell into the phone that she will never be married to anyone but me. I want to demand she never think those thoughts again, but I don’t. Instead, I go with the only other form of honesty I’ll let myself give her.
“I miss you, babe.”
Lexi starts to fuss. I want to say it’s because she’s hungry, but my little girl, she’s a smart one. She knows I’m talking to Kinley and she wants to as well.
“She hungry?” Kinley asks.
“Probably, but I think she’s mad I’m talking to you. Let me put you on speaker and see what happens.” I switch to speakerphone and stretch out on the bed beside Lexi. I place the phone on the pillow between us.
“You’re on speaker, babe,” I tell Kinley.
“Lex, are you being a good girl for Daddy?” At the sound of her voice, Lexi stops fussing. She holds still, waiting.
“She’s stone still, Kinley. She misses you,” I confirm.
“I miss you too, sweet girl. I’ll see you in a few hours.” Her voice sounds sad. “Evan, do you think…” Her voice trails off.
“McKinley?”
“Never mind,” she says.
“Not never mind, what were you going to say?” Was she going to ask if I thought we were doing the right thing? Is she getting cold feet?
“I was wondering if, I don’t know, maybe I can have Aaron or Mom come get Lex and spend some time with her this morning. I can get her dressed here and bring her with me.” I can hear the hope in her voice. I can also hear she’s hesitant to ask. Does she think I would be mad? She loves my daughter, and she’s the only mother figure in her life. I’m honored she loves Lex enough to want her with her.
“Baby, you’re going to be my wife in a few short hours. Lexi, you, and me, we’re going to be a family. This is real, baby. We talked about this. You never have to ask to spend time with her, even when…you never have to ask, McKinley.”
“I miss you both so much, and being close to her will make me feel close to you,” she murmurs.
If I didn’t already know I was falling in love with her, that right there sealed the deal. She’s not using Lexi as an excuse to get close to me. She wants to feel close to me, to both of us.
I’m falling hard.
“Send Aaron on over. I’ll feed her breakfast and get her bag packed.”
“Thank you, Evan.”
“I can’t fucking wait to see you walking down that aisle,” I blurt out.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, I’ll see you soon, babe.”
“I’ll be there,” she says with conviction.
“Let’s get some breakfast. Then you’re going to go see your m—” Shit! I almost referred to Kinley as her momma. It’s true in every sense that matters, and today she becomes my wife, but we need to talk about that first. When…when this is all over, will she still want that title and the responsibility with it?
The kitchen is quiet, which is strange, but I go about making Lexi her bottle and settle in at the table to feed her. I nibble on a pastry while she eats.
“You’re going to spend the day with Kinley, baby girl. Then, in a few hours, you’ll come back here while Kinley and Daddy get married.” She coos like she likes the idea. “Can I tell you a secret?” I whisper next to her ear. I should feel ridiculous confiding in my infant daughter, but I know she can keep a secret. She stops eating and lets the bottle fall from her mouth, a grin gracing her lips. I swear she understands every word. “Daddy loves Kinley very much.” It feels good to say it out loud. “I know you love her too. She’s going to be living with us, Lex. Daddy’s not sure how long he will be able to do that and not beg her to stay with us forever.”