I carry her from the pool up the back deck. Gavin is at the door waiting for me. He slides it open with a nod of his head. They either heard me talking to Stacy or just assume it’s bad from Logan’s reaction.
I carry her to my room and lay her on the bed. She holds tighter around my neck when I try to pull away. “Don’t go.” Her voice is laced with sadness.
“Never, I just want to shut the door to give us some privacy. I’ll be right back.” I kiss her forehead and she lets her arms fall from my neck.
I rush to shut the door and have to swallow back the emotion that’s clogging my throat. I can’t stand to see her hurting. I slide into bed beside her, and she wraps herself around me. Her body shivers. I’m not sure if it’s the chill of the air conditioning or if she’s in shock from the news. Regardless, I reach for the blanket and pull it up over us.
“He’s gone and I didn’t get to say goodbye. It’s been over a year since I’ve seen him.” She sobs against my bare chest. “I’m such a bad person. I should have gone home before now to see them.”
I wrap my arms tighter around her and just hold her. I don’t try to tell her everything is going to be okay. She needs to grieve, needs to work through all the phases of emotions that come with losing someone you love.
I hold her and she continues to cry. My chest is soaked and my arms are going numb from not moving them, but I hold strong. She needs me and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for her.
“I’m sorry,” she says once she has better control of her emotions.
“You don’t get to tell me you’re sorry. Do you think this is a hardship for me? I want to be this person for you, Logan. I’m sorry for your loss, baby, but I’m not sorry you’re leaning on me. I will never pass up the chance to hold you in my arms, hold you up when life beats you down.” I kiss the top of her head. “You are the most important person in my world. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I need to know you understand that. You’ve just lost a loved one, and I need to know that if you need me, you’ll let me know. That you will let me hold you, let me take care of you.”
“Can you help me book a flight to Cincinnati? I’ll also need a ride to the airport. I can ask Stacy . . .”
“No, I want to take you.” I take a deep breath before asking her what my head is screaming for me to just do without her permission. “Do you want me to come with you?”
She’s quiet for so long I think she might have fallen asleep, until she answers, “No, I can’t ask you to do that. I need to go say goodbye, and I’ll probably stay with Gran for a few days.”
“I can stay in a hotel, just be close in case you need me.”
“No, you guys have to write. I’ll be fine,” she says.
I hate it. I hate that she’s going home alone to deal with this. I know her family will be there, but I want to be there. I want to be the one who loves her through this. The words are on the tip of my tongue. I want to tell her my heart is branded with her name, but now is not the time. She’s grieving the loss of her grandfather, and I won’t make it about me.
“The offer stands. I will drop everything to go with you or to come to you. If you decide you need me there, you say the word and I will get there.”
“Thank you, Kacen. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
I hold her until she falls asleep. There is a light knock on the door, and I whisper for them to enter. Stacy sticks her head in. “How is she?”
“Better, can you sit with her? I need to book her a flight.”
“Yeah.” She steps quietly into my room and climbs on the opposite side of the bed.
Very carefully, I slide out from under her and hold my breath as she relaxes into the soft mattress. Leaning down, I lightly lift the hair from her eyes and kiss the top of her head.
“You’re in love with her,” Stacy’s whispered words meet my ears.
“Completely.”
“Have you told her?”
“No, I was going to tonight. I’d made up my mind that she needed to hear the words, that if she knew how deep my feelings were for her, she might stop fighting and take a chance with me. But now’s not the right time.”
“Give her time. He really did a number on her.”
“She has all of me. She can take all the time she needs,” I say. I place one more soft kiss to the top of her head and leave to book her flight.
I battle with myself to not book two seats, but she said she didn’t want me to go. If we were together, I wouldn’t take no for an answer, but maybe she doesn’t want me meeting her family. Hell, I don’t know. I do what she asks and only book one, trying to respect her wishes, even though everything inside me is screaming that I need to be with her.
After I receive the confirmation, I pull her phone from my pocket and text her brother.
Logan: Hey, this is Kacen. I have her booked on a flight leaving tomorrow at noon. She refuses to let me come with her. I’m going to text you from my phone later on so you’ll have my number. Please let me know if she needs me. I’m sorry for your loss.
Jase: Thank you.
I add his number into my contacts and send him a quick ‘this is my info’ text and slide both phones back in my pocket. It’s time to head back to my girl. I want to be there when she wakes up.
Chapter 38
Logan
I wake up warm, and this time I know why. I’m lying across his chest and his arms are wrapped tightly around me. Lifting my head to get a glimpse of him sleeping, I’m surprised to see his eyes are open, watching me.
“Hey,” he whispers.
“Did you sleep at all?”
“Not really. I dozed a little. I wanted to be awake if you decided you wanted to talk.”
“I’m sorry, you should have taken me to my room.”
“And pass up the chance to have you in my bed? No, thanks. You’re fine right where you are,” he says. “I got your flight booked. You leave today at noon.”
“Thank you for taking care of that.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you? I can see if there is another seat, or change your flight, or catch the next one, or, hell, it’s only a five hour drive, I’ll meet you there,” he says, almost pleading.
“I appreciate the offer, but you and the guys have work to do. I can’t take you away from that. I’ll be gone a few days. I want to spend some time with Gran.”
He tightens his hold on me. “I don’t care how long you’re gone, baby. Just promise you’ll come back to me.” His voice cracks.
I don’t promise him. Instead, I just remain quiet. I can’t help but think that if I would have tried harder to find a job in Cincinnati or the outlying area that I would have seen Grandpa more. I would not have let a year’s time pass me by, and now it’s too late. I love Kacen. I know my heart will never belong to anyone else, but I should have been there.
“Did Stacy leave?”
“No, she stayed in your room last night. The guys entertained her. She was worried about you, too. They all were.”
Sitting up, I look over at him. “Thank you for taking care of the flight, and for taking care of me.”