“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks.
“No, not much to say really. It’s been over a year since I’ve been home, and now I will never get the chance to say goodbye. That’s on me.”
“Logan—”
“I need to get ready,” I cut him off. I scoot to the edge of the bed and climb out. “I’m going to have Stacy drop me off at the airport.”
“I can take you. Please let me.”
“This way you guys can start working. I know I’ve been distracting you lately. This will be a chance for you to work without having to worry about me.”
“Logan, just because you’re not here in my house, that doesn’t mean I stop thinking about you. You should know that by now.”
“It’s fine, really. Stacy will take me. It’ll give us a chance to do some more catching up. Now I need to shower and get packed.” I smile softly, turn, and walk out of the room.
Chapter 39
Kacen
I decide to rush through a shower and be ready in case I can convince her to change her mind. I want to see her off, keep my eyes on her until the last possible second.
I find the guys and Stacy sitting at the kitchen counter eating donuts. “I ran and picked up breakfast this morning; didn’t want her to have to worry about us. I know she does,” Tristan explains.
“How is she?” Stacy inquires.
I shake my head. “She’s upset, blaming herself because it’s been so long since she’s been home. Regretting that she didn’t get to say goodbye,” I list her concerns.
“She was close to him,” Stacy says. “They’re all actually a really close family. I thought for sure she would move back to Cincinnati after graduation. Then she got this job offer, and she was really excited about it.”
“Yeah, I remember her excitement in Hawaii about her new job.”
“It was a chance for her to do something for her, you know? The last three years she spent working her life around Daniel and what he thought was best, what he thought she needed to do. He played with her head.”
She’s not telling me anything I don’t already know. I’ve seen the jackass first hand and how he tries to manipulate her.
“What time are you leaving for the airport?” Gavin asks.
I take a deep breath and close my eyes. “I’m not. She doesn’t want me to go with her, and she’s refusing to let me take her to the airport,” I tell them.
“Kacen, you have to be patient with her. He was never there for her. She’s used to doing things on her own. She’s scared to death that if she lets herself depend on you that you’ll disappear,” Stacy says.
“I know that, but I can’t fucking stand the thought of her hurting and me not being there.” I rest my elbows on the counter and bury my face in my hands.
“Give her time, man,” Gavin says. I don’t reply, instead block the four of them out of my mind. How do I reach her?
A moment later, I feel a hand on the back of my shoulder and I know it’s hers. “Stacy, do you think you could give me a ride to the airport?” she asks, her voice soft.
“Yeah, sure. Kacen, you want to ride with us?” Stacy asks. I could hug her for asking.
“Actually, the guys need to work today. I’ve distracted them enough,” she says with a humorless laugh. “It’s just you and me.” She plasters a fake smile on her face.
“Okay, well, I’m ready when you are,” Stacy replies.
Tristan stands and walks to Logan, bending down he gives her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “I’m here if you need anything,” he tells her.
Next is Gavin. He places his arm around her shoulders and pulls her to his chest. “I’m sorry for your loss,” he says, kissing her on top of the head.
Cole stands and wraps his arms around her. He whispers something in her ear that causes a sob to break from her chest. I watch as he kisses her forehead and releases her.
If this were a normal day, I would have given them shit for touching her, kissing her, but not today. I know their hearts are in the right place. They care about her. They know what she means to me, and they just want to comfort her.
“I’ll walk you out.” My voice is gruff with emotion. I feel like this is goodbye forever, like she’s not coming back. When I asked her to promise me that she was, she didn’t answer me. I know there’s a job offer out there. What if she takes it? What if she really doesn’t come back to me?
Stacy grabs Logan’s suitcase. “I’m going to put this in the car,” she says, walking out of the kitchen.
I stand and pull Logan into my arms. I bury my face in her neck and hold her as tight as I can. I can’t speak for the lump in my throat. She wraps her arms around my waist and holds me just as tight. Knowing she needs to go, needs to be with her family, I lift my head to look at her. Those big brown eyes are filled with pain and sadness, and it guts me.
I cup her face in my hands. I need to make sure she’s looking at me when I say this. “I love you. I know you’re grieving and I’m a selfish prick for telling you at a time like this, but I have to. I need you to know before you walk out that door that when I told you that you own me, I meant it. I love you, Logan. I love you so much my heart literally aches for you. I love you and I’m scared as hell that when you walk out that door, you’re never coming back.”
She doesn’t say anything as tears run unchecked down her cheeks. I pull her against my chest and stroke her hair from her face. I can feel her hot tears soaking my shirt.
“I’m so sorry,” I choke out the words. Seeing her like this is tearing me up. “Let me come with you.” My voice is pleading.
“I’ll be fine,” she mumbles over her tears.
“I’m a phone call away, do you hear me? You text me, call me anytime, day or night. You need me and I’m there. I’ll always be there.”
Pulling away, she reaches behind me on the counter and grabs a napkin. She uses it to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “I need to go.”
I nod, lace my fingers through hers, and lead her outside. The guys and Stacy are standing on the steps talking. The guys all give her another hug, all while I’m holding her hand. I’m not letting go until I have to. They wave goodbye to Stacy and head back into the house. Stacy climbs into the driver’s seat as I walk Logan to the passenger side. Opening the door for her, she climbs in. I kneel down so we are eye level.
Looking over at Stacy, I say, “Take care of my girl. Make sure she gets off safely.” She nods her agreement.
“And you,” I say, cupping her cheek, I lean in close, “I meant every word, Logan. Please let me know when you arrive safely.” I softly kiss her lips. Pulling away, I whisper the words, “I love you.” I hear a slight gasp from Stacy, telling me she heard me. I don’t care. I’ll tell the whole damn word. “Be safe, baby.”
She nods. “Bye.” Her voice is soft.
I force myself to stand and shut her door. I tap twice on the roof of the car and watch as they pull out of the drive. My heart is in that car. I tell myself I have to have faith that she’ll come back. I stand there staring after them long after they’re gone.