“Why is she wrapped up so tight?” She looks like a little white and pink burrito.
The nurse smiles. “Babies like to be swaddled. It makes them feel secure. She was in her momma for all this time, not a lot of space in there,” she patiently explains. Everyone here has been amazing.
“Can I unwrap her? I need to count fingers and toes.” When I was in Alabama visiting my parents and grandparents, Dad made the comment that when he held me for the first time he had to count all my fingers and toes. I remember thinking about how I would feel in this moment; nothing could have prepared me for this.
Nothing.
“Of course, you can,” she says.
With shaky hands, I slowly remove the blanket. “She’s so tiny.” I touch her little hand and she clutches onto my finger, onto my heart. I love this little girl with everything in me. I have no fucking clue how to raise her, but I vow in this moment to be the best father and best stand-in mother she’s ever had.
Chapter 18
McKinley
I feel like I’ve been on the phone forever. I called Evan’s parents and his mom continued to pepper me with questions I don’t have the answers to. After promising her multiple times that I would call as soon as I knew more, I was finally able to hang up.
My next call was to his grandparents here in Kentucky. Ethel ran me through the same stage of questions multiple times, until I too had to convince her I would call as soon as I knew more.
The last call was to my parents. Mom didn’t ask near as many questions, understanding I didn’t have the answers yet. However, she too insisted I call when I had them.
I get it. They all love him and even though they’ve never met that little girl, they love her too. I feel bad for his family in Alabama, unable to travel to see her and living so far away. I’ll be sure to take lots of pictures to send to them.
Stopping at the nurses’ station, I ask, “Evan Chamberlin, baby girl Chamberlin.” I’m directed to the room all the way at the end of the hall. I quicken my step to get to them.
Slowly pushing open the door, I step into the room. I stop in my tracks as I take in the scene before me. Evan is holding his daughter, her tiny finger tightly gripping his. Aaron is sitting in a chair next to him and they’re both looking down at her like she’s…everything.
I wish I had my damn camera. Deciding this moment cannot go without being captured, I reach in my back pocket and pull out my phone. I tap the screen. The shutter sound that the photographer in me refuses to turn off alerts them to my presence.
Evan and Aaron lift their heads to look at me, both wearing grins that light up the room. I can see from my spot just inside the door that Evan has watery eyes and if I’m not mistaken, Aaron does too. These “tough guys” are brought to their knees by this precious baby girl.
“Kinley,” Evan breathes my name, grabbing a hold of my heart.
Walking further into the room, I stop in front of Evan and bend down. He adjusts his hold on her, so I can get a better look. I reach out and touch her tiny hands and she latches onto my finger. My eyes find Evan’s and I can’t describe the look in his eyes. My heart is racing and I’m overwhelmed by what’s happening. This little girl brought us together. Our friendship grew because of her. Now, here, on the day we finally get to meet her, she’s still bringing us together.
“Evan, she’s beautiful,” I say as tears begin to fall. “Is she okay? How much does she weigh? What did the doctor say?” I fire off some of the questions I just fielded with our families. “Can I hold her?” I blurt out.
Evan chuckles. “Yeah, I just need to wrap her back up.”
A nurse, who I hadn’t noticed was in the corner, speaks up. “Let me show you. Lay her down on the bed.”
I step back, allowing Evan room to stand and do as she has instructed. The three of us listen intently as the nurse shows us the proper way to swaddle her. When she’s once again snug in her blanket, Evan ever so gently lifts her back into his arms and motions his head toward the chair he was just in. “Sit,” he tells me.
Without hesitation, I do as I’m told and hold my arms out for her. The sound of Aaron’s ringing cell phone startles her and she jumps. “Shhh, I got you,” I say, gently rocking her.
“It’s Mom. I’m going to step out and take this.” Aaron keeps his voice low and quietly steps out of the room. I told Mom he was here; apparently, she’s not as patient as I thought. Of course, that could be because I was a little snippy with her.
I’m so lost in this little angel in my arms I don’t notice Evan is now kneeling before me, observing me just as I had him only minutes ago. “Evan, she’s so precious.”
Nodding his head, he lifts his hand to my face and wipes my tears with his thumbs. His big brown eyes so full of happiness and love, they’re sparkling with it. I’m just about to comment that I hope she has his eyes---I love his eyes---when he leans in and softly presses his lips to mine.
“There is no one I would want to share this with more than you. You’ve helped me so damn much, Kinley. I just—”
“Does she have a name?” I interrupt him before his over emotional brain says something he won’t be able to take back, something that my sentimental brain will never be able to forget.
“Yeah, well, no, but I’ve been thinking a lot about it. I was thinking about Lexington. It’s Mom’s maiden name,” he says. “I want to call her Lexi.”
“Lexington Chamberlin. Lexi.” I love it. I beam at him. “Good call, Daddy,” I say with a wink.
I see a slight blush creep over his cheeks. Damn, I really wish I had my camera to capture this moment. “So, does Miss Lexi have a middle name?” I ask, focusing my attention back to the little angel sleeping peacefully in my arms.
“Rae,” he says softly.
It takes a few seconds for my brain to register what he said. When it finally hits me, I jerk my head up to find him staring at me. “W-what did you say?”
“Rae, her name is Lexington Rae Chamberlin.” He pauses to let the fact he’s naming his daughter after me sink in. “Lexi Rae,” he says as an afterthought.
Tears, big fat crocodile tears, are rolling down my cheeks. “Evan…I…you can’t…”
Both his hands hold my face and he softly wipes them away---at least he tries to. My eyes are like a damn faucet. “You, McKinley Rae Mills, are an amazing woman. Every step of the way you’ve been there for me and for my daughter. You’ve helped me prepare for her, when I otherwise would have been on my own. I love Aaron, but he’s not much help in the baby department.” He smiles. “I owe you so much, and if my daughter grows up to be anything like you…well, I couldn’t ask for more. Hell, I hope she does. I pray you continue to be a part of my life, of both of our lives, and she will grow up learning how to be a remarkable person just from watching you.”
“I’m honored and I promise to always be there for both of you,” I choke out as the waterworks continue.
Aaron chooses this moment to walk back in the room. “Uh…everything okay?” he asks. His eyes dart between Evan, me, and baby Lexi.